The apartment is a different place without a boy living in it. Things stay where I put them, no messes are made while I'm away, I don't have to worry about what we'll eat for supper - cereal works for me. Yesterday I came home from clinical and slept for close to 13 hours. No one stealing the covers or snoring or waking me up to see if I want to be awake yet. Note: if my eyes are closed I do not want to be awake.

I've done a lot of reading and cleaning and catching up with friends. I'm going out with some girls tomorrow - it's grad night at the repertory theatre and we're seeing a production together. It'll be a nice weekend here by myself - a chance to catch up on all the things I put aside to spend time with Kevin. But I have a feeling I'll be ready for him to come home on Tuesday. He is awful sweet - he bought me those lilies as a goodbye present, and though I'm enjoying my solitude, I do miss him.

Spring is finally starting to come to New Haven. On my walk today I saw several flowers starting to bloom, and I even got warm in my jacket. I can't believe March is almost over. This year is flying by, just like everyone said it would.

Getting up at 5 for clinical has not been easy for me. My breakfast consists of a Sprite and a dramamine - as one of the girls in my group said, it's the breakfast of champions.

I do really enjoy my new rotation, despite the early hour. It's a hospital devoted entirely to children, so the atmosphere and the attitudes of employees is much nicer than other hospitals I've been to. We're on the infant and toddler floor - they're all so tiny!

Kevin left at 2:45 this morning for Arizona. He'll be back Tuesday. Until then, I'm stuck without a car, which is probably a good thing because it means I'll actually get some exercise. The weather has been warming up a little lately, so I should be able to walk most places. The real downside is that I'd have to walk through a pretty rough neighborhood to get to my yoga studio, so I'll probably have to go without this week.

This weekend will be a great opportunity for me to play catch-up. The school year is back in full swing and I have no idea how it happened so quickly. There's so much to learn! I haven't settled into a new academic routine, since my schedule changed so much over break. I'm a little behind on reading and studying, so I plan to do plenty of both in the next few days.

I was getting caught up on pictures and found this one. Thought it was pretty cute - a few of us gathered at our favorite sushi place before school started up again. Hurray for half price sushi!

Over the weekend we got about six inches of snow and ice. Kevin and I ventured out only once during that time, to mail back movies and have a snowball fight (which got a little extreme when he decided to hide out in the apartment and I brought a snowball in after him).

Now I'm back at school. It was a very restful break, but it was getting boring around the house, so it feels kind of nice to be back. The only thing I'm really sorry about is having to get up early again. My next clinical rotation is 45 min away and starts at 7am, so I will be getting up very early starting next week.

Mission Accomplished

I found my pretty dress at Ann Tayor. I'm a little in love with it, though before I can wear it properly I have to buy some shoes to go with it. What else it birthday money for, right?

My goal for the day was to buy a pretty dress. Instead, I split a bottle of wine and a pizza with my husband and played cards until dark. It was the most fun we've had together since Italy. There's always tomorrow to buy a dress...

It's been a pretty busy couple of weeks. I survived finals just fine, though I did get pretty stressed out. I haven't studied that hard since my freshman year in college.

The day after finals ended, my parents and Grandma Mary flew out. It was a really nice visit. I showed them around campus, we ate at some good restaurants, and got to play cards. The last day they were here, we all drove up to Newport, saw the Breakers, and drove Ocean Drive. It was a very cold, but good day.

I have one more week of Spring Break left to do whatever I want. So far I've done a whole lot of nothing, which has been kind of nice. I'm really looking forward to a few more days of the same.

Kevin woke me up to tell me it had snowed several inches overnight. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining and the city had a calm blanket of white over it. I called the campus service for a private escort to school and spent the whole ride looking out the window, wondering at how lovely the city could look covered in snow.

The two finals I had today went okay. The one that I needed to do really well on went better than expected and the one I expected to do well on wasn't as easy as I had hoped. Overall, though, they went fine.

I'm back at home now, trying to study for my pharmocology final tomorrow, but my eyes keep drifting to the window, where it's started to snow again.

Dinner Party

Having the girls over last night turned out to be an ideal break from studying. Everyone brought their notes just in case we wanted to quiz each other, but that just didn't happen. There was a lot of eating, wine, and laughing.

I went to power vinyasa this morning, the most intense yoga class at the studio, and worked out a lot of stress about all the exams I have tomorrow. I'm still slightly terrified, but I feel better prepared to take on the studying. My friend Erin said it best, when I was worried about my last test grade in pathophys. She said to me, "Stephanie, even if you just scrape by, you will still graduate with a degree from Yale. That happens with a 98 or 75. No one's going to be requesting your transcipt when you're applying for jobs." It's still hard for me to remember that I don't have to be at the top of the class, I don't have to get a 94 or better on all my tests. I am trying to remind myself that it's okay to do my best and leave it at that. Although I am struggling, it's in a class full of fellow perfectionists who know exactly how I feel, and that is a blessing.

Boston!!

We had an amazing time in Boston. It was just the kind of relaxing retreat we needed. There was a mistake at the hotel when we first got there, so we got upgraded to a gorgeous suite. It was so fancy! They had champagne and chocolate covered strawberries delivered to our room and arranged for a horse and buggy ride around the city. We had a late dinner and spent hours talking after they took our plates away. We keep our heat pretty low at the apartment, so turning the heat way up in our room(s!) was a special treat. We were pampered and warm tucked in our hotel. With the last few months being so stressful, it was a wonderful way to reconnect and a great reminder that we are so lucky to have each other!

Kevin holding steady on the ice.

Trying to keep my balance - it was so slippery!

Boston!

Our horse and buggy ride - isn't the carriage beautiful?

My birthday present from Kevin - a book from my new favorite cook!

The ride home got a little snowy... luckily it only lasted a few minutes.

I feel very content. I don't know if I'm quite ready to dive into school, but I feel more prepared for the next two weeks, which are going to be pretty harsh. I just have to push through midterm/finals and then I get a two week break from school. Tonight, my studies will be rewarded with a girls night out for sushi. First, though, I have to drag myself away from the internet and hit the books. Back to reality...

Happy Valentine's Day!

It got nasty out last night. It's been snowing and sleeting all last night and it's supposed to continue all the way into tonight. Luckily, I have nowhere to be today, so I'm planning on staying tucked into my warm robe, drinking hot tea and watching movies with my husband. I was woken up at 7:45 to be given a Valentine's Day card, which I think I may have read before falling back alseep. Kevin's still sleeping since he got home at 7:30 from work. It's his last night shift until the end of March.

It's kind of romantic, looking at the snow piling up outside and fixing myself something warm to drink. I've studied a little bit this morning, but mostly I've just watched people head to class and been grateful I don't have to go out in the weather. I hope it clears up before this weekend (my Boston birthday trip)!

I had been down about spending the weekend alone with Kevin working, but it turned out to be sort of great. I had a nice girls night out on Saturday night - a long dinner with friends and then a late night move (Little Children - which was really good but also really disturbing). This morning, Mary and I went to Power Vinyasa and it kicked our butts. This particular form of yoga is not relaxing. It is a workout and it is intense! As we were winding down at the end of an hour and a half, the instructor told us that while we were so focused on our bodies, it made it impossible for us to worry about the minute details of our lives. And I realized she was right! I hadn't worried about anything. I didn't even have time to worry about the poses I was doing because the class was so fast paced. I don't know if that class will be something I'm capable of doing every week, but it will be a nice cardio workout if I feel I need one.

After yoga, we went for a nice brunch with friends and then we explored a local art gallery. Before I leave Connecticut, I'm going to buy a painting of campus. It's really beautiful at Yale and it would be a nice memento of the time I spent here.

I thought I should mention that clinical has continued to improve. It turns out first impressions aren't everything.

Also of note: I know everyone else has probably already seen it, but I just finished watching Little Miss Sunshine, which was possibly the best movie I've seen since Joe vs. the Volcano. Joe is still far and away the best because it's a movie you could watch with anyone (how many great movies are out there without curse words or a single sex scene? that have volcanos? and orange soda? man, I love that movie). But if you don't mind a little vulgarity or the truly disturbing world of child beauty pageants, then I recommend Sunshine.

Over the past few months, I've gotten used to having someone around all the time. One of the best things about being married is having someone to come home to. I love having someone to cook for, who raves about the food and then cleans up the kitchen after me. I love having someone to talk to in the evenings, to wrap up in an afgan with and watch the newest movie from Netflix. I love having someone kiss me goodnight before I fall asleep and kiss me good morning before I leave for the day.

Kevin working nights has thrown our whole schedule out the window. He leaves before dinner and comes home after I've gone for the day. I come home to an empty house and eat cereal for dinner. I go to bed freezing and wake up lonely. It just doesn't do much for my winter blues. It does make me appreciate what I have, though. We fight about everything from how I park the car (crooked, every time) to what he wears to dinner (pajamas - always pajamas), but even when we fight there's comfort in the fact that he's there. And he can always make me laugh, even if I've never been more angry in my life.

These weeks have been a little window of what my life would be like without him and I'm telling you: the outlook is bleak. I could live on my own, be fine on my own, but it would be hard to go back knowing what life with him was like. I know it's cheesy and probably gross (here's looking at you, Lisa), but he makes me a better person, a happier person, and I could not love him more.

My test went fine; I rewarded myself with a nice long yoga class and a nice long nap.

I attempted lasagna for the first time today. I used my mom's recipe and did everything it said, but it just didn't taste as good as hers. I think there's something about the fact that your mom or grandma cooked something that just makes it taste better.

Kevin and I are settling more into the routine of his working nights. By the time we finally get used to it, he'll be back on days!

I spent my evening last night with this guy. It was awesome. I have never laughed so hard in my life, or thought so hard about the world around me.

Update

Yoga was amazing. It relaxed muscles I didn't know were tensed. It relaxed muscles I didn't know I had. My intercostal muscles are actually sore today from all the deep breathing. I came home and thought, "This is where my shoulders are supposed to be. Maybe I should stop holding them up by my ears all the time." I felt great. I still feel great.

I have been to yoga classes before, but they were always the free ones offered by college students at the gym. This time, it was trained professionals leading the class. They put me right at ease. They adjusted my positions; they helped me balance when I was shaky in an unfamiliar pose. There were around twenty people in the studio, but I felt like I was the only one.

Today was the first day in a week that I didn't snap at Kevin when I got home. I went to clinical feeling calm and stayed calm, even when I had trouble with a patient. That class last night was worth every penny. I can't wait to go back.

The stress of school has been getting to me lately. It's been low, but constant, and it's starting to wear me down. Kevin and I drove by a little yoga studio tonight and it got me thinking that maybe this could be a solution. I started poking around online and I found a studio across town that I really like. It's a bit more than I wanted to spend, but Kevin and I talked about it and he thinks it would be good for me. It's taught by a woman who has her PhD from Yale in psychology, who has been teaching for 6 years, and who specializes in the physiologic responses to stress. It sounds like it might be exactly what I need. I'm going to go to the beginners class Wednesday evening. I feel better just thinking about it.

New Things

First of all, my books from Powell's in Portland arrived! They are about 100 years old an contain records of all the original letters and first hand documents of the Queens of England. They are fascinating! I've been flipping through them, though I haven't had time to give them the good read they deserve. Maybe over spring break.

I also got my hair cut and colored. This was before:

And this is after. I really like the color and the cut is so much easier to deal with than my longer hair. All the choppy layers which you can't see in the picture give it a lot more versatility. Now I wake up and when it's sticking out every which way, it looks like cute styled bedhead instead of ratty tangled bedhead. This is good considering my habit of waking up too late to shower in the morning.

Now that I wrote a whole paragraph about my hair, I'll write my habitual "I have a test next week so I'm meeting Mary to study" sentence. It must be boring to read, but that's my life. I go to class and clinical, study on the weekends, and have an occasional night out with my very sweet husband. Speaking of which, we bought tickets to see Lewis Black this Friday. I'm excited!!

I made it through my whole clinical today without hearing the word "unacceptable." This is marked improvement, which I am choosing to take as a very good sign. I may survive nursing school after all!