All of the things we've learned in my med-surg class are really coming alive in my second rotation. This morning, I went in to assess my patient. I hadn't looked at her chart before I gave her a bed bath and I was curious about why she was there. I recognized her symptoms and was able to look for particular things to figure out why she came to the hospital. I didn't even realize it until I was reviewing her chart and saw her diagnosis. I thought "Well, of course." Then I realized, "I did that on my own! I knew that by just looking at her!" The professors told us from the beginning that learning medicine was learning a whole different language. Today, I finally spoke my first words!

These minute victories help pull me through weeks like this one, which are so busy I want to jab out my eyeballs just so I never have to see a drug mechanism again.

It's been such a busy week! I can't believe it's already Saturday. I finished up my rotation at clinical on Thursday. It was a very emotional night, for many reasons. I won't miss the thirty minute drive down America's scariest interstate three times a week, but I will miss my preceptor - I think she's one of the best.

Last night, Kevin and I went to a party for his work. The theme was 80's. Do you like our colorful sweaters? I got them at the Salvation Army for three dollars a piece. Pretty snazzy, right? I also got myself matching gold and silver 80s shoes for two dollars. I was pretty happy with our costumes. The party was way more of a party than we anticipated. This guy from Kevin's work went all out - there was even a disco ball! It was a little loud for the two of us (we're already a boring old married couple) so we didn't stay too long. I think the birthday party we're going to tonight at a fondue restaurant downtown is much more our speed.

I have the afternoon free and clear to start studying for my pharmacy test next week. Wish me luck!

The gym at Yale is awesome. Kevin, Mary, and I had a nice little workout. Except for the one part where I was doing a leg press and blew out my knee. That part was not so nice. I'm really hoping with a couple of days rest, it will heal up. I have clinical rotations to do. I have to be able to use my legs!

Speaking of clinicals, we kind of sort of got our new assignments. Apparently, some people have schedules which they got at a review session that I didn't go to (actually, no one I've spoken to went), so I heard from someone that heard from someone else where my clinical site is. I've been told it's at Yale New Haven Hospital with someone named Heather and maybe on the tenth floor. Perhaps Tuesday and Wednesday mornings 7am - 1pm? It's all kind of unclear still, but at least I have a general idea - that's better than nothing!

I woke up on Sunday morning and was having breakfast with Kevin when he asked me if I would like to go for a drive and see the leaves. I said yes and so we got in the car and drove all the way to Vermont! Let me tell you, everything they say about the leaves there is true. They were gorgeous!! We drove up the interstate, stopped at a couple of little towns to look around and then ended up in Woodstock, VT, which has a place called Sugarbush Farm. This farm makes 14 different kinds of cheese (we tried them all) and four different kinds of syrup (we tried those too!). We had lunch in a restaurant that could have been lifted from the early 1920s and then looked around all the little shops in town. It was a lovely way to spend the day together.

Now it's back to work at school. This is our last week of clinical rotations at Bridgeport, though I still have no idea where I'm going to be stationed next week. Today, Kevin Mary and I are braving the gym for the first time (it's awful that we've been here so long and still haven't gone - it's definitely time!). Tomorrow, I'm having a guilty pleasure Hugh Grant movie night with Nicole, and then Wednesday, I'm going to a Halloween show with Kevin and two of the guys from my program and their girls. I'm excited about that (and I think it will be good for Kevin to meet some other future male nurses!). Thursday night is clinical and then Friday morning is hiking with a Halloween party later that night. It's looking to be such a busy week that I don't know where school's going to fit in - lucky for me we don't have any tests this week!

I've decided to take today off. I slept in until noon, and am now laying on my couch in my PJs with a tummy full of banana bread and a warm computer on my lap. It just doesn't get any better than this.

I saw a colonoscopy this morning, which was a nice way to start easing my horror of all things related to feces. I'm back at home now and should be studying for the test I have tomorrow, but instead I'm playing with my new computer, because seriously - isn't she pretty? I named her Betty.

I feel like I have nothing new to write. School is plugging along. I'm trying to stay motivated and focused. I feel like I'm still meeting new people in my program all the time. It's strange to me that we've been in this since August and I still don't know everyone's names. I went to two study groups yesterday, one serious and one not so serious. A small group of us have started a tradition of Saturday night study parties. The Saturday before a Med-Surg test, we all get together at B's house and pretend to study while we have dinner and drink wine and visit. It's a good thing.

This morning a couple of girls came over and met Kevin and me to go hiking. We hiked to the top of Sleeping Giant and saw the leaves. They aren't as pretty here as they are in Bridgeport, but it was still a beautiful day. I can't tell you how gorgeous New England is in the fall. The last weekend in October, Kevin and I want to take a little weekend trip to Vermont to do some hiking and see the leaves there - they're supposed to be incredible. I just hope they haven't all fallen by the time we get there!

Emily and me at the top. Before Nicole took this picture, I had no idea how small my neck was. Or maybe I didn't know how huge my face was. Either way, how in the world do I hold my head up?

Nicole at the top of the tower - too cute!

Update

I just thought the world should know that I gave my first subcutaneous injection. I wasn't that nervous, I didn't shake, and my patient didn't flinch. Success! I gave out meds for the first time and also did blood sugar testing. I can't believe how far I've come in just five weeks.

Everything and Nothing

The beginning of the week was lovely. I spent Monday afternoon hiking. Tuesday, I slept in before going to the beach with B. It was 75 out with full sun. West Haven beaches are just beautiful. After we soaked up the sun for a few hours we headed back downtown to get some gelato. While we were at Cafe Bottega, I spotted a good looking grilled vegetable sandwhich. I hadn't eaten most of the day or most of the week actually (been having some stomach troubles) and it looked so good I thought I'd go ahead and eat it. Well, it was not the last time I saw that sandwhich. We got reacquainted all last night and this morning. It was awful. I called the MD, who discontinued my antibiotic and put me on a bland diet. I was able to go to my clinical today and out with N after as planned, but I still feel very yucky. I do not want to go to class tomorrow and I most certainly do not want to go to clinical tomorrow night and start giving my shots. Coming into the situation already nauseated is not the best way to start SQ injections! Oh well, here's hoping everything goes the best that it can.

Sorry about the format - I don't know how to fix it

The last two days have been spent with lots more frolicking in the sun. 
 Instead of going to the art museum as planned, Jeff and I decided to 
take advantage of a gorgeous 
afternoon and go to the 
West Haven beach.  It was lovely.  The beach was beautiful and the
weather was perfect.  We sat in lawn chairs and read for a while before
 taking a nice long  walk up 
and down the shore.  Today, 
I went to all my classes and then went on a little East Rock excursion
 with a girl from school.  It 
was so perfect out!  We jogged to East Rock Park, and then hiked up
 to the top where we could sit 
in the grass and enjoy the afternoon.  

Days like these really make me wonder about Arizona.  Arizona 
doesn't have oceans or giant trees
 or gardens.  All the houses and landscapes look the same
because only a few things will 
grow there.  Kevin's been pretty homesick lately and is already pulling 
for us to go back to Tempe.
I know it's almost three years away, but the decision seems to be 
weighing in on us already.  He wants reassurance that we're moving
to Arizona when I graduate so that he has something to look forward
to when he misses  his home.  I don't know what I want.  I never
thought I would miss my family so much, but I just don't know if
Missouri is for me.  It's so far away from everything...  I wish there
were a third option, a place we could go that had seasons and beauty
and maybe an ocean... but family too.  I guess we'll just have to wait
and see what happens.  Maybe this will get easier with time.

 It's beautiful in New Haven.  The leaves are starting to turn, the air is cool and crisp, and the sun is out in full almost every day.  I've taken advantage of this gorgeous weather - I feel it's my duty to get all the sun I can before winter closes in.  Friday I went hiking with a friend from school.  He showed me all the ins and outs of East Rock Park, 
which is beautiful.  Yesterday, Kevin and I went for a picnic before spending the whole afternoon spread out on my big denim blanket at the park, soaking up the sun while he read and I did homework.  Last night we had another couple over for dinner and Apples to Apples.  Today I'm going to the art museum with our friend Jeff, which is something I've been wanting to do since we got here.  I've been trying to balance out fun things with study things, but it's been a rough couple of weeks at school and sometimes a girl just needs a break, you know?

In addition to all the going ons of Kevin and myself, I have some bad news and some good news.  The bad news is that my lovely laptop, which I've become very attached to over the last five years, is starting to poop out.  I know that it is old for a laptop, but I have loved it despite it's flaws.  Still, I cannot ignore it when it constantly freezes, or refuses to turn off, or otherwise stubbornly defies my commands.  So that brings me to the good news: my husband recently got a little bonus and decided to use it to buy his wife a new laptop.  He also decided to let me buy a Yale sweatshirt, something I need for fall.  Really!  I need it!  My laptop should arrive sometime in the next two weeks.  I'm so excited!  A laptop that has a battery that works, that can burn data CDs, that will turn off and on when I tell it to...  It will be wonderful, won't it?

I have never liked the idea of surgery.  It seems to me that your inside parts should stay inside you and should never be disturbed for any reason, ever.  So perhaps you can understand my
reluctance to do my observation day in the OR.  

I walked to the hospital instead of taking the shuttle, hoping to burn off some of my nervous energy.  I made it there in 30 minutes, so I must have walked quickly, though I don't remember doing so.  I stood at the desk while they looked for my assigned nurse and I silently hoped that she wouldn't be there and I could just go home.  After ten minutes, she arrived and gave me a piece of candy before taking me to the locker room.  I was given a pair of scrubs and a blue head cap to cover my hair.  As I changed into them, my pulse started to race.  We walked into the scrub room and I was given a mask to slip over my ears.  It was hard to breathe through.  I was told to sit in the corner and not to touch anything.  The nurse and the OR tech bustled around the operating room, making sure everything was sterile and arranged just so.

Thirty minutes later, the surgeon arrived.   Everyone starting working faster, making sure he had everything he needed.  I tried hard to shrink into the corner, tried not to get in the way, tried to be as unnoticeable as possible.  It didn't work.  I bumped into a sterile table.  The OR tech glared at me.  The surgeon looked right at me and said, "Who the hell are you?"  I think my heart stopped beating.  

"A student," I said, when I found my voice.

"Well, you'll never see in that corner," he said.  "Come over here."  
And he directed me to a spot right behind his shoulder, where I could see everything.  I closed my eyes for a moment and prayed desperately that I wouldn't be sick.  He explained everything to me - the anatomy, the procedure, every little thing he did with those tiny instruments.  I was so fascinated, I forgot how afraid I was.  The surgeon put me right at ease.  He told the nurse to turn on the music and Frank Sinatra floated into the room.  An hour later, a fourth year resident came in and started helping out with the surgery.  The attending sat back and started belting out Frank's songs at the top of his lungs.  I looked around to see if anyone else thought this was strange, but everyone just kept doing their jobs.  Eventually, he stood up and the resident took over for him.  He wandered around the room, singing loudly.  The tech took one of the overhead lights and used it as a spotlight on our surgeon/crooner as he continued to serenade us.  Every once in a while, he'd pause and tell the resident to do something differently, then he'd go right back to singing.  

It was the most surreal four hours of my life.

I took the apples we picked from Bishop's Orchard yesterday and attempted applesauce for the first time.  There are some things that I would do differently next time, but I think it's pretty good.  It was a lot easier to make than I anticipated, which made it more fun.  After my cooking adventure, a couple of girls came over to study biomed.  We made an honest attempt for a few hours, but it's just a hard subject to study.  It may be something that I 
just have to memorize on my own.  I have exactly three days to do that and my odds of success went way down last night when I inherited Kevin's head cold.  Now I'm all achy and snotty and tired.  Definitely not in the mood for studying.  Mary and I sat outside after class was out for over an hour, just soaking up sunshine and putting off school work.  It was a really nice way to spend a beautiful afternoon.  Now I've been home for another hour and have managed to do everything but crack open my biomed notes.  Kevin and I have decided to cancel our cable, in part to help out with my procrastination, but also because I think we'll both find better things to do without the tv around.  I'm really looking forward to not spending a whole afternoon being sucked into show after show.  I plan to get a lot more sewing and music and writing in.  And also, I guess, studying.

Mary, Nicole, and me at Bishop's Orchard.

Picking apples...
Delicious!

School has kept me very busy this week! I had two tests last week and another next week, and I'm still getting the hang of clinicals. It hasn't always been fun, but I'm passing my classes so far, so I would rate this week a raging success.

The best part was this weekend (I guess that's really no surprise). Friday night I spent with some lovely ladies at Rudy's celebrating the end of a very long week. Saturday, I got to go apple picking with three of my favorite people in New Haven. Later that night, Kevin and I had a nice dinner date with Mary and Skyler that turned into card playing which happened to be a great way to forget about school for a while. It was a wonderful day.

I wish I could write about my clinical experience here, but for many reasons (not the least of which is HIPPA), I can't. I can tell you that it was harder than I thought it would be but I am learning a lot. I am doing more with patients than I ever imagined so early. It's really amazing to see everything I learned in class working in front of my eyes. We ended up in ICU instead of the cardiac floor, so there were things that were hard to see, especially on people that were even younger than myself. I cried a little bit when I got home, but after a couple of long conversations with fellow students, I know I'll be okay. I still believe I was made for this profession, even though it will take some time to toughen up. I will tell you that though I did have to leave room and go sit down on two occasions, I didn't throw up once. It's the small victories, right?

We have a test tomorrow and another on Thursday and another next Monday. It's been a little stressful with studying and having to attend clinical. I went to one serious study group yesterday afternoon and I learned a lot. Later that evening, I attended another study group, which was more socializing than studying, but was just as productive. There were five of us there and we needed to eat pasta and drink a little wine and talk about what we've gone through and how we feel. Earlier that day, my anxiety level had been climbing and I didn't know how I was going to made it through this semester unmedicated. But last night was therapuetic. Bernadette said that we have to stop judging other people, but we also have to stop judging ourselves. That really hit home for me. I think all of us at Yale got here by pushing ourselves, by having higher standards for ourselves than for others. I am going to make a genuine effort to go easier on me, to love myself like I love these women.

Two Pictures

On my way to clinical. Eeek!

My new shoes. Aren't they pretty?

 Last night I dreamt that I was assigned to a patient who'd had a colostomy (long story short: you have a bag on your side where all your poop goes).  This guy was pooping like crazy - that bag was really filling up fast.  It was disgusting.  My preceptor came into the room and instructed me to change the bag.  I froze, my stomach turning.  The bag started overflowing.  Instead of helping my patient, I ran into the hall and threw up.

I start my clinical rotations tomorrow at a surgical unit in Bridgeport.  Here's hoping I don't throw up once.

Bits and Pieces

There's a lot going on right now.  I will try to stick to the interesting tidbits.

1. Yesterday when I was driving to school, I noticed there were cops everywhere.  A screeching cop car sped ahead of me and cut off the street I was driving up.  People were running away from the direction of the nursing school, dragging their children with them.  Ambulances and police were everywhere.  I thought it was strange, but I was already at school, so I just went to my study group.  When I drove home, there were cops standing on the street corners, and there was a police car and bike  (the police here use Harley Davidsons) in my parking lot.  Turns out there was a drug related double homicide one block from my nursing school, and the police were afraid more gang activity was going to happen in the shady areas of town (like my street).  I feel like I should be upset by this, but I'm pretty calm about it.  I guess acclimating to the volience is a part of adjusting to this new place, but I'm trying to continue to be viligant.   In deciding to come here, I never imagined this would be a factor in my daily routine.
2. There's a movie being shot in New Haven right now starring Uma Thurman and Pierce Brosnan.  While it's cool to see their trailers and racks of their clothes out in the street, the traffic jams on the way to work and school are definitely not cool at all.
3. I would probably be a nervous wreck right now if it weren't for my husband.  Who else would know to bring me hot tea and fried rice when I'm up late studying?  

Class Dynamics

Some of the most interesting conversations I've had this year have been about our class as a whole.  Some people feel a real sense of competition, some people feel intimidated, and some people feel right at home.  I am in the last group.  Maybe I've just met the right people, but it seems to me like this group of girls is one big support network.  We may not know everyone's names yet (there are 82 of us) but we still smile and say hello and ask about each other's days.  At the end of the week, we go out together and celebrate having made it through another four days of being stuffed with information.  We practice assessments on each other, study together, and call someone if we're feeling overwhelmed.  It's been a long time since I've felt this comfortable 
socially.  Most of the girls are at least a few years older than me and have  a real sense of who they are and what they want to do with their lives.  I think this has helped me relax and realize that I don't have to apologize for who I am.  I don't want to get too cheesy,  but it really is a blessing to be surrounded by this group of girls.

Guess what finally came in the mail? It was a long journey after being tragically lost by UPS (we just can't catch a break with these guys), but at last it was recovered and arrived at our door - Kevin's new computer! He got a monitor from the computer guy that moved out the weekend we moved in, so I guess it doesn't look like much, but he is very excited at it's arrival.

Things continue to move at a very quick pace for me. I feel like I'm just barely keeping up with everything that's going on, but that's how everyone feels, so I guess we're doing alright. I got my clinical assignment: I start on a surgical unit next Thursday. I have to drive down to Bridgeport, which isn't so great, but I think the floor will be interesting, and I get to work evenings, which is much slower paced than the day shift. It's nice because the first couple of weeks, I have evening shifts when Kevin works nights, so we'll both be gone during the evening and there together in the morning.

Tonight I went to a Haven Free Clinic meeting, which is a student run free clinic in Fair Haven. A lot of the GEPN girls are volunteering and I think it will be a great way to get a little experience with all aspects of healthcare (volunteers do everything from vitals to health education to social services). It's only four Saturdays a semester, so it won't overwhelm my free time.

I learn more about my fellow GEPNs every day and it seems like I'm always meeting someone new and interesting. It's nice to have someone to call when I'm freaking out about something, especially if it pertains to school. Tonight, I had dinner at Mary's before helping her out with her new sewing machine. Neither of us could figure it out on our own, but when we put our heads together, we finally got that silly bobbin threaded right! Bernadette has a sewing machine, too, so we've decided that the three of us need to have some sewing parties some time soon. We've also decided we need to have carmel apple parties and pizza parties, too. It's going to be a busy fall, especially if we actually get around to doing all the things we plan!