Miguel Walks

I think I've shown this to everyone I know, but just in case I missed someone, you should watch this. My nephew is pretty awesome at walking. At least when there's chocolate involved.

NYC Trip

First of all, I have to ask the question, why is it always cloudy and rainy when Kevin and I go to NYC? It wasn't very cold yesterday, but it was very wet and grey out. Between the two of us, though, we still managed to have a pretty good day.

The Bodies Exhibit - the whole reason we came to New York this time. I thought it was worthwhile, Kevin was less impressed. Neither of us would go again, but I'm glad we went yesterday.

Trinity Church graveyard, with the American Stock Exchange in the background.

The Statue of Liberty! My first time seeing it.

There were these metal plates in a park by the ocean and each plate played a different note when you stepped on it. Kevin really got a kick out of it.

Pier 17 - I thought it was awesome how the boats were lined up right next to the city - so pretty!

All in all, it was a very good day. We ate New York pizza, had excellent baked goods, went to a huge used bookstore, saw parts of the city we hadn't seen before, and enjoyed what I thought was an interesting take on anatomy. By the end of the day, we were exhausted and stopped in a bar to have a beer and watch people go by. Well, I watched people. Kevin watched football.

This week has been very busy. It's difficult for me to return to school. My attention span isn't what it once was. Yesterday, instead of studying for the test I have next week, I ran several errands. One of the important things I did was getting our wedding portrait framed. I'm still not sure I love the frame, but Kevin likes it and it was 50% off at JoAnn's fabrics. I wanted a bigger frame and possibily a mat, but this one was pretty... I downloaded a kind of crooked picture of it. What do you think? Should I keep the frame?

The amazing discovery of yesterday was a wine store that carried the Frei Brothers pinot noir I've been looking for the last several months. I was so excited! Until I saw the price. It was twice what we normally spend on a bottle of wine, but I went ahead and bought it because I liked it so much and had been searching for it so long. Maybe it will taste even better knowing what it cost! I made a lot of other more boring purchases like work pants and a magazine rack, but I'll try to keep those to myself.

Kevin was assigned to work nights for three weeks next month. I am not looking foward to sleeping alone at night and being very quiet during the day and tolerating his mood when we both happen to be awake at the same time. The last time he was assigned to nights, Kevin was really grumpy - he just couldn't get used to it.

I am not having an easy time adjusting to being back at school. Paying attention for so many hours in a row is hard! Coming home to study is impossible. The good news is that our weekly hiking group is starting back up again next week. It's so good for me to get out there with good people and not do anything relating to nursing for a while.

Today was my first day of classes in the spring semester. Two out of the three I had today were the same as last semester. So instead of feeling new and fresh it just felt strange to have a psych class and not to have med-surg. Overall, however, it was a remarkably good day, especially considering it started with me running late in the rain. It was so nice to see people and catch up and hear about everyone's breaks. I also confirmed plans for a trip to NYC to see the Body Exhibit this Saturday. I've been wanting to see it for a while, and there's going to be a YSN tour guided by Linda, my med-surg professor who I enjoy very much and who is incredibly knowledgable about nursing. Kevin's going with me and although she doesn't know me very well, she loves Kevin, so she'll get a kick out of him being there.

In the meantime, I have other very exciting news. Maybe not to you, but certainly to me: we bought a vacuum. I did not realize how filthy our apartment was until I found myself digging a shard of glass out of my foot from a glass that Kevin broke over three weeks ago. Obviously our swiffer is not cutting it. Our new vacuum is so awesome. Look!

That's not all. Yesterday, Kevin and I went to the mall and American Eagle was having the best sale I've ever seen (I'm not exaggerating here, really. It was the best sale I've ever seen). I spent all my Christmas money from Arizona there and got some amazing stuff that I can wear for school/work. It was awesome! These really nice sweaters that are normally $60, were on sale for $20!! TWENTY!!! I bought one v-neck with blue and gray strips and one dark green cable sweater with pockets. They're both very pretty. And I got another shirt and a soft, fluffy robe that has a hood for when I get out of the shower (it was also normally priced 60 and on sale for 20). I used it this morning and it was awesome. I waited to get dressed until the last possible second so I could wear it for as long as possible, which probably had a lot to do with why I was so late this morning.

Sorry it took me so long to get pictures up, but I've been very busy throwing up and coughing and not sleeping for three days. I went to the doctor who mercifully gave me some codeine and I slept for 15 hours last night, which felt like heaven.

When Kevin got off work yesterday, he told me that he'd had a needle stick. I guess this is part of nursing; we had a whole class on it, but I still thought it only applied to other people. It's really scary. Luckily, the tests came back clean so far and we should be out of the woods by next week, but it shook me, knowing that someone I love might not be safe. Because he hadn't worried me enough this week, Kevin threw out his back at work today and the occupational health department at the hospital told him he couldn't go back to work until Tuesday. Hopefully he will be healed up by then. He's pretty miserable right now, even with the muscle relaxants.

In some good news, I'm finally feeling better, mostly due to sleep. I saw the doctor again today and he said I'm definitely on the mend. This is good seeing as how I still haven't unpacked our suitcases from Arizona. It's hard to believe I start back to school in two days. Do you think if I called the dean she'd extend Christmas break for another week or two?

Miguel and me in Missouri
Alexis and me in Arizona

Brayden and his daddy finally alseep after a rough afternoon filled with screaming.

Brayden feeding the dog.

Alexis smiling. This baby is always smiling. It's adorable!

Holidays

The holiday season ends for us officially tomorrow. There has been lots of visiting and presents and really yummy food. Christmas Day was spent with a couple of friends in New Haven while Kevin worked. We went on a walk and cooked ham and potatoes and asparagus. Later, I picked Kevin up from work and we spent a cozy evening opening presents and watching movies. I went to Missouri for a week before Christmas and now we're rounding out a week together in Arizona. We've seen lots of good friends and family and have had a really wonderful time. We rang in the new year among friends playing Bunco and then I spent new years day with a wicked case of food poisoning, which I will complain about in great detail to anyone who is willing to listen. Maybe my new year's resolution should be to share less.

Kevin and I had some joint new years resolutions which include going to them gym together twice a week and going on a date every week, which we will take turns planning. My personal resolution is to plan out my grocery shopping and cooking so my husband gets a good home cooked meal every night instead of whatever I happen to throw together, which is too often a frozen pizza.

When I get home I'll post pictures of my beautiful niece and nephews, who grew despite my specific instructions to stay little while I was away.

I am finally done with this semester at school! It was a little rough in the end, but I came out okay. The apartment didn't make out as well as I did. With Kevin off pouting about winter and me off pouting about finals, it's taken quite a hit. I did finally clean the bathroom yesterday (that was a gruesome affair) and I got the laundry done (Kevin needs clothes while I'm away) but I was too busy wrapping presents the rest of the day to do anymore. That's right - presents! One of the many preparations I've been making for my trip back to Missouri. I'm hoping to get a little more done around the house before I go, but I've still got to pack and I told my friend Chris I'd help him and his girl move into their new apartment this afternoon. Then tomorrow Kevin and I are celebrating Christmas since he'll be working on the actual day. Tomorrow afternoon we're having a holiday celebration with some people from school (which I have to make some apple cobbler for - one more thing on the list!). The apartment may just have to wait until I get back.

Snow!

We woke up this morning and everything outside was covered in snow. It was lovely. I made banana cinnamon pancakes and scrambled eggs and we spent the day inside, playing cards and keeping warm. We would watch people outside going to class and we were so glad we had the day off! By the afternoon, most of the snow had melted, so I convinced Kevin to take a walk with me outside. I missed my weekly hike for the first time all semester, and I had cabin fever. It was a little colder out than we were expecting. I think we made it one block before Kevin dragged me back to the apartment. I made him take a picture with me, and although the sun was shining and it was a really beautiful day, if you look at the photo above, you can see he's saying "I hate it here." He's not so much a fan of winter.

I had to leave clinical early yesterday because I wasn't feeling well, and I missed it completely today. Luckily, my preceptor is an incredibly understanding woman and encouraged me to get some rest and not to worry about making it up. Thank goodness. I've had a sore throat and chest pains for about three days and both keep getting worse, so I finally went into the doctor today, where I was diagnosed with a virus, which caused the sore throat and also caused costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects my ribs to my sternum. I looked it up onlineand found out it can be "exquisitely" painful and can last four to eight weeks. Awesome! My doctor failed to mention those two little facts. So cross your fingers for me that I make it through the next few weeks. So far, this has not been fun.

I never told anyone this, but I cried on my wedding day because he wasn't there to watch me walk down the asile. I don't remember him as much as I want to, but I think he would have liked Kevin.

I had a dream once that I saw him in Grandma Mary's backyard. He looked so healthy, so happy. I told him how much I missed him. He said he missed me too, that he missed all of us. He asked how we were. I looked back at the house and I could see everyone through the windows gathered around the table in the dining room, talking and playing cards. His picture was displayed prominently on the wall. "We're fine," I said. "We've been fine." I saw that he was looking at everyone, too. He watched for a moment and smiled at me. Then he was gone.

Sometimes I see his picture on my wall and I miss him so much. I always think of that dream. I know it wasn't real, but I cling to it because maybe... maybe it was.

Morals

Within 24 hours I had two conversations.

The first went like this:
"Can I tell you one of my poems?"
"No, that's ok."
"Hey, look, I'm no beggar, I just want to tell you a poem and then maybe you'll buy me some food."
We were right outside Starbucks, so I gestured towards it. "Look, I'll buy you something there, ok?"
She scoffed at me. "They don't sell food in there. They sell pastries in there."
"Pastries are food."
"No, they're not. I want Chinese food. If you can buy me a muffin, you can buy me Chinese."
And so I got into a discussion with a homeless women about what I would and wouldn't do for her. Afterwards I felt guilty and angry. Guilty because I didn't help her at all and I could have. Angry because I felt guilty. I still don't know what would have been the right thing to do. I wish I'd been kinder. If I could go back, I'd wipe the "you're crazy, lady" look off my face.

The second conversation went like this:
"Look, I'm really not feeling well. I get hot and cold and hot and cold. I'm drenched. I can't stop sweating. Could you get me another blanket?"
"Sure, no problem."
"I just feel so sick all the time. They won't let me eat anymore. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I'm going to quit my radiation. I'm just too tired to do this anymore."
I put my hand on her arm. "I don't know very much about your kind of cancer. Have you talked to your doctor? You should talk to him before you make this kind of decision."
She was shaking, but she was determined. "I don't need to talk to him. I've decided. I'm quitting."
"How about your family? Have you talked to them about this?"
"I don't have family. I don't have no one to help me. You gotta help me decide what to do. No one else will listen to me."
And so I got into a discussion with a sick woman about whether or not she should keep fighting. Afterwords, I felt lost and sad. I didn't know if she was looking for me to encourage her to keep up the fight or if she needed to hear someone say it was okay to give up. I said neither. I still don't know what would have been the right thing to say. I wish I'd stayed with her longer. If I could go back, I'd forget about charting for a while and hold her hand.

Holidays

This is some of us after Thanksgiving. Kevin said I did my mother shame because I didn't take a single picture all day - can you believe it?! I fully intended to, but time just flew by and the next thing I knew, everyone was putting their coats on, so I had to say, "Wait! If I don't take a picture this day never happened and I want to remember today!" Kevin is holding my very first pumpkin chiffon pie, which was not as good as Grandmom's, but was still pretty tasty.

I was very excited today to put up our very first Christmas tree. I know it's small, but isn't it pretty? Crooked, yes, but also pretty.

It's One of Those Days

There comes a point in everyone's life when you come to a crossroads, where you have the choice of jumping out of the moving truck you just hijacked and running for the hills or pushing down on the brake as hard as you can and praying it stops rolling through the parking lot. Or am I alone at that particular fork in the road?

Let me start at the beginning. I had a rough morning. Kevin missed the shuttle to work, so I had to wake up at 6:45 on my day off to drive him to the hospital. Since I was up early, I decided to dye my hair by myself, since it was too early to call anyone to come over. How hard could it be, anyway? Well, it was hard enough that I squirted the chemical dye directly in my right eye. I don't recommend doing this. It hurts really bad and since I couldn't see so I couldn't read the box about what to do if this happens. I started rinsing it out with cold water in a panic, and as soon as I could semi-see I read the box just well enough to see the words "could cause blindness," which were not very reassuring.

I'll make this short. My eye and I have recovered. It took a lot of rinsing and a lot of me sitting with my hand cupped over it so that no light got in. But I was all better by lunchtime. By that time, I was running late on all the errands I had to accomplish today. There were many of them. So I got dressed and went outside to find a huge moving truck that was occupying almost the whole parking lot and blocking my car in by a mere six inches or so. I waited for a few minutes, but no movers came. I became frustrated. I had errands to run! I was tired of waiting! I had narrowly escaped blindness! I was tired of CT people being so rude all the time! I saw a clipboard with pink papers on the dash and I thought "that probably has the company number! I will call and complain!" So I climbed up on the step to the driver's door (this was a big truck, I'm telling you!). I discovered that not only were the keys still in the ignition, but the door was unlocked. I hopped down from the stair. I couldn't just back up the truck! That would be wrong! I decided to sit and wait for the movers to come so they could move the stupid truck for me.

Well, I waited and waited and there were no movers. I was getting tired of this business. So I made a snap decision and impulsively climbed back up into the truck and got into the drivers seat. I started the rusty old engine and hoped it wouldn't fall apart while I drove it back a foot or two. I got it into reverse just fine, backed up a bit and turned it off. No problem! Good for me! I was climbing down when I realized the truck was rolling forward.

Frantically, I dashed back inside and slammed my foot on the brake just in time to keep it from hitting some cars. I started up the engine and reversed it again. I realized that the parking brake light was flashing. I did not know what that meant. It took all the strength of my leg to keep that brake down while I searched for the parking brake. I was banging around under the dash and a panel came off. I tried to push it back on but it was a no go. I shoved it under the driver's seat. This truck was falling apart with me inside! I finally found the parking brake, or more techincally, I found the part of the truck where the parking brake used to be.

This is where the crossroads come into play. I could run for it, let the truck do it's damage and be far, far away when it did. Or I could stay with it and pray to God that someone that knew something about trucks would arrive before my leg gave out even if it meant there was a definite possibility I was going to be held responsible for trying to drive someone else's moving truck. I stayed. It was the adult in me.

I had my cell phone in my pocket, so with my leg shaking from holding down the brake, I finally called the number on the pink sheet. My phone call went something like this: "Hello! I'm at (address) in your truck! The brake is broken! Can you contact the drivers?! IT WON'T STOP ROLLING!!! I NEED SOME HELP!!! THE TRUCK IS ROLLING AND IT'S REALLY BIG!!!" The woman on the other line quickly became just as panicked as I was! So much so that she tried to call the driver without switching the lines. I was trying to explain that it was still me on the line at that the turck! was! still! rolling! when I saw two men in moving t-shirts come around the corner. I have never been so relieved in my life. "They're here!"I cried into the phone and hung up. I leaned my head out the door. "I need your help!" I shouted. "The truck is rolling and I can't get it to stop!"

"Did you move the rock?" one of the men asked me.

"There's a rock?" I asked.

The moving man started laughing. "Course there's a rock! What else would keep the truck from moving! Climb down from there. Come on." He helped me down, laughing the whole time. "Where you from?" he asked. I told him Missouri. "Course you are," he said. "You won't find a Connecticut girl drivin' no truck!" He patted me on the back. "We've been telling them to get that parking brake fixed for weeks, but they just won't do it." He chuckled to himself. "Moved that big truck, you did. Well, I tell you what. Every time I deliver to here, I'm gonna think of you."

I smiled. I couldn't believe he wasn't angry with me. I apologized anyway. He just laughed it off. "Can you get your car out now?" he asked. I nodded. I apologized again, but he just laughed, so I got in my car and went about my errands.

It turned out that I made the right turn at my crossroads. I'll tell you one thing, though - I'll never climb into a strange moving truck again.

The Game

Showing our support - GO YALE!

A sea of Elies

Rushing the field (after they cleared out the streaker).

In short, it was an awesome game. For the first time in my life, I actually cared about football and was groaning and screaming with the rest of those crazy Yalies. There was much more cheering than anything else, seeing as how we dominated Harvard 34-13!

We were lucky enough to meet up with Kristin, who is from Boston and was nice enough to show us around and take us to Legal Seafood, which is said to have the best seafood in Boston. I can believe it - the food was amazing! The girls I went with were amazing too. All in all, it was a great day. GO YALE!!!

How I know I'm becoming a nurse:

1. I went out to lunch today with two other nursing students. One girl graphically described her patient's wound and I listened attentively while still enjoying my cake and tea.
2. I choked a little bit during dinner and after coughing for a while, my first words were "I think I aspirated on my soup!"

I thought you all might want to see how beautiful my niece has turned out to be. Isn't she precious? One more month until I get to tell her so in person!

They told us in the beginning that this would be difficult. I was prepared to study and read and research and study some more. In the midst of the semester, I’ve found that I don’t study very much, I don’t read at all, and I’ve hardly ever researched. This does not mean that the program is not difficult. Instead of the academic challenges I prepared myself for, I find myself wading through a river of emotional and social problems that I never saw coming.

I watched someone die. I was in the room when she stopped breathing, when her heart stopped, when her daughter sobbed and begged her to come back. I was not prepared.

I watched people criticize each other, the professors, themselves. I have been in the room as they tore apart lecturers, as they tore down a women dying of AIDS, as they met with the dean and tore apart the faculty she employed. I have heard cruel gossip, I have seen students undermine each other to get ahead, I have spoken words I wish I could take back. I was not prepared.

I felt stress like an anchor on my shoulders. I have lain down in bed and cried until I was too tired to cry anymore. I was not prepared.

They told us that this would be difficult. They tried to prepare us for the challenges that we were going to face. The truth is, you can’t be ready for the hits you take becoming a nurse. You face each day with what strength you can gather and you hope that maybe you can help someone, despite your vast inadequacy. You experience the best and worst of human nature in your fellow students. You are forced to take a long look at who you are and who you want to be.

I know that I will survive this program. I will learn the necessary skills I need to become a good nurse. I will learn how to work with all types of personalities. I hope that I become a better person because of all these things. I hope I come out stronger on the other side. I hope I come out prepared.
 

Sometimes, when school is really stressful, the best thing a husband can do is call a friend to come over, grab a pizza and a bottle of wine and drag you away from your books to take an evening off. I didn't realize how well this worked until last night when I couldn't stop giggling and realized that for the first time in weeks, I wasn't worried about school.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm in the middle of a hard core series of tests, which has occupied every free moment of my time. Thursday was my pharmacy test, which was harder than I expected. Thursday afternoon we had a little fall party at B's. We ate pigs in a blanket and drank fresh hot apple cider. It was a good way to unwind after that test. Thursday night, I went over L's apartment for a Grey's Amatomy party. It was the first Thursday night I didn't have clinicals and it was really great to watch that show with a bunch of nurses. I never realized how unrealistic that show is in regard to our profession. Nurses do EVERYTHING! Those doctors would never be prepping patients for surgery or administering meds or doing any of the things they do on the show! We were all very outraged, both at the writers and at Dr. McDreamy and Meredith. Just GET TOGETHER ALREADY. That plot line is dragging on a little long for me, personally.

Friday morning was the flu clinic. I learned how to do it while I was getting my shot and then I gave two shots. See one, do one, teach one! Both the girls I gave it to said they barely felt it, so maybe I'll do okay with this whole giving shots thing. Friday night, Kevin and I went to the symphony on campus. It was beautiful. It was an almost perfect evening until we came home and I started to feel the effects of my flu vaccine. I had aches and pains all night and then this morning I could barely move and had a low grade fever. A couple girls were coming over to hike, so I shot down a couple of aspirin and luckily was feeling much better by the time they arrived! It was a gorgeous day for hiking. Are you sick yet of hearing how beautiful the east coast is in the fall? I feel very redundant, but I can't help being in awe every time I hike out here. It just takes my breath away.

Now I'm home and fed and rested and I have to study for my biomed test. Emily showed me a really awesome site that lets you make study cards online (it's faster and it doesn't waste all that paper). It's the best way to study I've ever heard of. It really helped me out with pharm (well, I guess how much it helped me out is yet to be determined - cross your fingers for me that I passed!).