Jonah Blair Hove

Jonah Blair Hove was born at 1:54pm on July 7th. He is 8lb 5.5oz and absolutely perfect. We're all healthy and happy (and maybe a little bit sore). I'll post more pictures later.

Today is my due date. No baby yet, though. Not even a good sign he'll be here anytime soon. I would be depressed except my mom is here keeping me busy. We just got back from the new Indiana Jones movie and agree that though he is quite a bit older than he was in the last one, he is still a total dreamboat.

In case I haven't complained to you directly yet, my midwife told me to be prepared for Jonah to be 10 days late at least. Apparently, first babies generally take their time arriving. Am I the only one that was completely unaware of this? My body isn't really giving much sign that it plans on laboring any time soon, but I still stubbornly cling to my little hope that Jonah will be the exception to the rule.

Kevin and I went to a wedding last Friday for a guy that he works with. I felt a little weird at first about going to an event that would be packed with people I didn't know, but it turned out to be a good time. I dressed in black in hopes of seeming less enormous and awkward but I think that effort was entirely useless. The ceremony was held in the old chapel on campus (very pretty), the food was awesome, and Kevin and I even danced some, which was just as funny as it was fun. How do you dip a woman who is nine months pregnant? YOU DON'T. Lesson learned.
(Picture provided in case you thought I was kidding about being enormous and awkward. See what I mean about the snowman phenomenon?)

Things haven't changed too much since my last post. I'm still very pregnant - so much so that I cannot leave the house without a stranger or two making a comment to me. I have varying levels of patience for this sort of thing. Generally, if someone uses the word "pop" in reference to my stomach I react less favorably. I haven't told anyone that I hope I "pop" all over their shoes, but I sure have thought it.

I'm treating myself to a fancy haircut today in hopes that it will lift my spirits a bit - it's hard to feel presentable when my body is this awkward; with my big tank of a torso and stick arms and legs I feel like a snowman. A very uncomfortable, clumsy snowman. At least after today, my hair will look good...

The weather was finally warm enough to go swimming yesterday and though the water was still so cold it took my breath away, it was totally worth it. I finally had a break from this heavy load! It felt like heaven and I swam until I was too tired to swim any more (which wasn't very long). I told Kevin it was a life changing experience. Probably that's an exaggeration but it didn't feel like it yesterday.

I would write more but I'm almost completely incapable of writing or talking about anything except how ready I am to meet this baby I've been hauling around for so long! Cross your fingers for me that he comes next week (after Tuesday so my mom will be here).

It's been a couple of days and now I've adjusted to the new move-in date. I don't like being "displaced" while I'm going through such a huge change in my life, but there are certainly worse things than clean sheets and dishwashers and a whole extra bathroom.

We found a pediatrician that we really like. He's within walking distance of our apartment in a charming old house that he shares with our dentist. There are only two exam rooms and ancient wooden building blocks in the waiting room. There are four physicians in the practice, but Jonah would only seen this one guy unless it was a weekend or emergency visit. I like that the office isn't jumping on the trend of rotating doctors in an office. We much prefer our doctor to know us! He's a very patient, very engaged doctor and the only drawback is I can't for the life of me pronounce or spell his name. Small price to pay, though, for feeling so comfortable with the man who will be caring for our little boy for the next year.

Speaking of that little boy, still no indication he intends to arrive anytime soon. As I become increasingly uncomfortable (and grumpy), I have to remind myself that even if I don't know what day he'll be here, each day that passes is one day closer!

Things at the hotel have been moving right along.  The time has passed quickly and I found myself surprised to realize we've already been here two weeks.  Having hit the halfway point, the novelty has worn off and I find myself ready to get back to the apartment.

A bit of a wrench was thrown in those plans today as I recieved an email notifying me that our stay has to be extended due to "unforseen complications" in the construction project.  Kevin and I had prepared ourselves for this possibility, knowing that with big projects like this delays are almost inevitable.  Still, I was disappointed.  I thought I would embrace extra days of lounging poolside and taking advantage of a dishwasher, but the things is... we're not home.  This isn't home.  I'm going to be bringing my baby from the hospital to a hotel.  And it just doesn't feel right.  I know this isn't a terrible thing and that everything is fine and will be fine.  I just need some time to get used to the idea.

We're all moved into the hotel, which has been really great so far. The accommodations are nice, the staff have been wonderful, and having two bathrooms may be the reason Kevin survives this last month of pregnancy. I should really take up residence in one of the bathrooms because I don't think there will ever be a time when I don't have to pee until this baby finally comes out. The good news is that two days ago he officially dropped, which means I can eat and breathe better. I was hoping this also meant that I would deliver sometime soon. However the midwife says that while the baby dropping is a good sign, it doesn't really say much about when Jonah will be born. So more waiting ahead!

I'm 36 weeks and getting bigger by the second. I can definitely tell there's a whole baby in there now. Feet, hands, back and butt are all very apparent through my skin. Kevin's so excited to meet our son; sometimes I don't think he can handle any more waiting. He's always talking about how cute Jonah will be, the things they he will teach Jonah, the games they will play... He checked out several books from the library and has been reading up on parenting. It's all very, very sweet. I have been reading up on babies some, but mostly I have been napping. I have never been this exhausted!

Kevin's been good about taking me on walk every day. The hotel is very close to this park on the shore and when the weather is nice we drive the quarter mile or so to walk along the ocean. When it's raining (which it has been frequently lately), we drive the quarter mile or so over to Ikea and do a walk through that giant maze of a store. I'd like to do some swimming in the hotel pool but the water is still freezing and I'm worried it would be too much of a shock to little Jonah's system.

Here are some pictures of our temporary home. There's a bedroom and bathroom downstairs and then upstairs there's another bedroom/bathroom which we mainly use to store all of Jonah's stuff. It's pretty nice, right? The best part is the maid that comes every day. I hate to think of moving back to our apartment - I don't think I can learn to live without her.

I would say that Kevin and I are frantically getting ready to move this Sunday, but that would be pretty far from the truth. A more accurate version would be: Kevin and I have a million things left to do and are mainly sluggishly looking around the apartment from our excellent vantage point of the couch. I'm hoping we become motivated soon.

Yesterday was more exciting than it should have been. We started off the morning right with a bloody, urgent trip to the doctor's office. Our dishes have been in bad shape for a while and now they've begun to spontaneously break. Kevin picked up a bowl yesterday morning and it broke in his hand, slicing through his thumb. There was some debate in the doctor's office about whether or not they could stitch it there or whether it was deep enough that he needed to go to the ER. After multiple doctors' opinions, it was settled that they would stitch it up there. I was so relieved! The hospital here is notorious for long, long, long waits. I'm pretty sure we'd still be there if we'd been sent to the ER.

We celebrated our anniversary last night since Kevin worked on our actual day. He was grumpy because his thumb hurt and I was grumpy because lately everything hurts, but the food was good and we did get some laughs out of the ridiculous mans sitting behind us. Note: if you're at dinner with a publishing representative trying to peddle your book, don't spend half an hour listing all the reasons its been rejected in the past and then follow it only with "but they were wrong."

We have two days left to prepare to move. There's been some drama at the apartments which I'm getting very tired of dealing with. I think sometimes people forget that I am a person too, who is trying to get ready to move along with everyone else and that I really have no control over the whole renovation project. I'm trying to take care of myself, but it's hard sometimes when I'm so stressed out about everything going on. Thank goodness for Kevin, who makes sure I eat and sleep regularly. I just forget when I'm busy and I hadn't gained any weight at my last appointment so I'm trying to do better especially with the eating. It will be much better once we're at the hotel and have free, hot food available mornings and afternoons. I'm really looking forward to sitting poolside with a good book and not bothering with much else. I just have to get through two more days!

Baby Moving

Here's Jonah at 34 weeks rolling around in my stomach. He does this every night, which has really been cutting into my sleep time. Thank goodness for naps! Towards the end of the video, if you look at the right side of my stomach, you can see he has the hiccups.

I've adjusted to being on vacation over the last week. I've done a lot of sitting, reading, and napping, which has been kind of nice once I got used to it. The weather's been a lot nicer the last couple of days (it finally stopped raining), so I've been taking long walks with Kevin in the afternoons. We've also slowly been packing up our apartment which is tedious - who knew we had so much stuff?

Speaking of stuff, we had our third and final baby shower on Thursday. The nurses on Kevin's floor threw it for us and it was really nice. I was glad there was a shower that was focused on Kevin - it was all his friends and he opened the gifts and I didn't have to do much of anything besides coo over the cute baby clothes. We officially have more onsies than I think one child could possibly ever wear, but I also think we have all the big stuff we'll need. We went on a shopping trip together and spent all our gift cards, which was fun.

Everything with Jonah is still going well. He seems to be very healthy and strong rolling around in there. I've been feeling less great with every passing week, but I've heard that's pretty normal. It's getting a little crowded in my torso area and things like eating, breathing, and sleeping have become more difficult and less pleasant. I keep telling him that it's ok if he wants to come at 38 weeks instead of 40 (and that there's really no reason to hang out longer than 40 weeks) but I guess time will tell how well he's been listening.

School has been out for a few days and I find myself in a strange transition period. I have this overwhelming need to get everything ready for the baby, but I can't really do that because we'll be moving two weeks from today. We have a changing table, play pen and swing all waiting to be opened and assembled and it is killing me to keep them all boxed up! In the meantime, I'm trying to get ready as best I can for the apartment renovations, but it's difficult to know what to box up and what to pack to bring with us. We drove over to the hotel and looked at one of the suites and it's a bit smaller than we anticipated. We won't really have room to take a lot of stuff with us. But it was a really nice space and I do think it will be an ok place to be for a month (hopefully just a month!).

There's not really a lot else going on. I'd like to get outside and go for a walk - anything to get out of this apartment. But the weather's not cooperating, Kevin's at work, and my friends all have real jobs, so it may be another afternoon spent listlessly drifting from one project to the next.

I took my last final this afternoon, which means I am officially done with this semester. What a relief! I can now concentrate on getting things ready for the big move. They're renovating our apartment, which means we're being moved into a hotel suite for a month (or maybe longer - I'm not convinced they're going to wrap this up on time). There's lots of packing and organizing to do, especially given all of the baby things we have. We've been given a list of instructions a mile long as to how our apartment must be prepared (everything off the walls, nothing on any shelves, all furniture in the middle of the rooms, etc.). It will be plenty of work and I'm glad I have the next two weeks to do fully concentrate on it. And there should be plenty of time leftover for reading and napping. I'd also like to sew the layers of Jonah's quilt together before we move so that I can work on getting the borders done while we're at the hotel. I can't believe I haven't finished it yet - he'll be here so soon!

Things have improved since my last posting (thank goodness!!). We did buy a new car and she is a beauty! We got a 2008 Honda Civic in atomic blue. It runs like a dream and should last us many years. Maybe some day we will pass it on to Jonah.


See? Isn't it pretty? This picture was taken on Sunday, when I thought Kevin was taking me out for a Mother's Day brunch. My friend called and asked if we would mind stopping by her house on the way so she could see our new car (she lives around the street from the restaurant). She asked if I would mind coming inside so she could take a picture of my belly for her mother and when I got to the top of the stairs, I was surprised by a baby shower! All of my favorite New Haven people were there. It was a wonderful surprise and a wonderful afternoon. What a great way to finish off the week!

We finally got our car back yesterday after a week of rentals and borrowing from friends. It was more expensive than it should have been as Meineke decided not to pay for labor. This morning, less than 24 hours after driving to Norwalk to retrieve it, the car gave out again - once more on the highway during rush hour on my way to clinical. This time Kevin was working and I was forced to deal with it on my own. I did this by calling various people and crying - a lot. I will spare you the details, but short version is: Meineke has the worst customer service ever and our Nissan Maxima is now sitting in a junkyard in New Britain. Now, I don't know if it would have been better to try to get the stupid thing fixed again. Meineke said they wouldn't pay for any further repairs and Kevin said he just couldn't see reason in putting more money into the car. The junkyard would come pick it up off the highway for free. We certainly weren't planning on buying a new car right before having a baby, but we decided we need a more reliable car. The only thing I can think of that might be worse than being stranded somewhere pregnant is being stranded somewhere with a baby.

So end of the story: It has been one big mess of a morning. The Nissan is dead - for good this time. We're going car shopping this weekend. I have to make up another clinical day tomorrow, which means I have to study for finals today. I am not in a great mood and could probably use a cup of tea and a nap.

31 weeks

I've done some growing the last month or two. This whole experience is so bizzare and wonderful. Now we're able to watch him kick and turn over from the outside - I feel like I belong in a science fiction movie. It's all gone by so quickly, sometimes I look down and am shocked at the size of my belly. It's hard to believe I have nine more weeks of getting bigger ahead of me... I mean, remember this? I was so excited at 16 weeks to have such a "big" belly!

Today was not a good day. It started when I dropped the water pitcher, spilling water everywhere and collapsing in tears.
"It's just water!" Kevin said, bewildered.
"It's the worst thing that could happen!!" I responded, tempting fate to prove otherwise.
To make a long story short, I ended up an hour from New Haven on I-95 stalled on the side of the road. Hugely pregnant, emotionally ill-equipped, and now unable to get to my clinical. Fortunately, Kevin had the day off and arranged everything for me so within 30 min I had a tow truck in front of my car. Minutes later, there was a three car pile up ahead, so the tow truck and I were parked on the interstate as the minutes went by and I lost more clinical time. But luck was on my side again because I ended up with the sweetest tow guy, who distracted me with stories and made me laugh. Really, how could I not cheer up when he says there's no sweeter sight than a pregnant woman smiling?

I took a taxi from the repair shop to my clinical and was able to finish out the day. Kevin spent all day on the phone with the repair shop in Norwalk and the Meineke in Branford, which repaired our car 6 months ago. It turned out the part they replaced was the part that broke - and this time it would cost $800 to fix. Excuse me while I have a stroke! The part was guaranteed by Meineke, however, and they agreed to pay for the new part and the labor - even if it was done by the shop in Norwalk - what a relief! Only bummer for us is paying for the tow truck that hauled me off the highway and the rental car I had to get in order to get back home (and to get to clinical tomorrow and my midwife appointment on Friday). Turns out that since I'm 24 and not 25, I have to pay $85/day for the car in stead of $36. Not so great. It also took almost an hour for me to actually get the car even though Kevin made a reservation for me because they didn't actually have it on the lot yet. Traffic was horrible on the way home, plus I had to pick something up for dinner; I didn't actually make it home until after 8pm.

So today was not a good day. But it wasn't so bad, I guess. My car broke down, which is lousy, but I was able to pull over to the side of the road safely - something of a miracle on I-95 during rush hour. The cost of the towing and rental car is high, but it's pretty good that Meineke is paying for the part and the labor. And finally now here I am, safe and warm, home on the couch with my husband, munching on vanilla wafers and admiring the red gerbera daisies he bought for me. Any day that ends like this, how bad can it really be?

Suddenly, the days are hurtling forward. There is so much to do every day that they seem to end before I realize they were even here. I'm still getting used to the fact that it's almost May. One day soon I'll wake up and realize classes are over for the semester. It will be an odd change, but it will be so nice to get more sleep.

Spring has been lovely so far - there are daffodils and tulips blooming out my window - a very welcome change of scenery. Kevin and I took our first trip in 2008 to the park yesterday and had a perfect afternoon lounging on my big denim blanket in the sun.

Jonah continues to grow and kick and tumble. He's hit a growth spurt the last couple of days and I'll tell you one thing: my belly button is not long for this world. He's getting really strong and he kicks and stretches like he's trying to break free. I keep telling him that it's not going to work - that babies don't just bust out of their mommies' belly button but he is determined to prove me wrong. I remind him that he still has a couple more months before he's allowed to come out anyway so he might as well take it easy, but so far no dice.

This weekend I plan to spend mostly studying for my nursing boards, which I'm set to take next Friday. The nice thing about this plan is that I can do it with my feet up, which is my preferred position these days. I thought all this exhaustion was due to pregnancy and hadn't thought much more about it until I got a call from my doctor yesterday saying I'm anemic and need to start taking some special form of iron. I went to the store yesterday but apparently I bought the wrong kind of iron. I'd been craving a hamburger anyway, so Kevin and I went to Ruby Tuesdays and got their "premium burgers." Maybe that can count as my iron supplement for the day. It tasted pretty amazing - Kevin couldn't believe I'd been craving a hamburger for three days and hadn't had one yet. But honestly, the thought of going out somewhere and then ordering and then waiting and then chewing... it wore me out just thinking about it. When you're so tired that chewing food seems like an overwhelming task, I guess that should be a sign that something may be going on...

I have my 30 week check up on Friday, so hopefully things will be straightened out by then. It's nice that I may have a little more energy soon - I could use it to get through these last few weeks of school.

Weekend in D.C.

Kevin and me (and Jonah!) with the cherry trees.

Mom and me at the Washington momument.

The tulip library (it was beautiful!)

ROAR!!!!

The crowds we fought at the Smithsonian.

The weekend in D.C. was wonderful. It was so good to get away and forget about school for a little while. The drive was a little longer than we anticipated (7 hours instead of the 5 we were expecting), but it was well worth it. The weather was beautiful while we were there and all kinds of trees and flowers were in bloom. It was nice to see Mom and Dad, if only for a short while and it was fun visiting with my mom's friends. We did a lot of walking around the city and I wasn't prepared for how exhausting it would be! The baby takes a lot out of me, and I had to stop a rest more than I would have liked. Still, we saw all the monuments and the best parts of the open Smithsonians, so I feel like we did a pretty good job for one day. I feel like I need a couple more days to rest and recover, but it's back to school tomorrow morning.

It's been a stressful week at school. I've been feeling a little overwhelmed and exhausted. It helps a little to know that everyone around me is going through the same thing - but only a little. Some nights it's all I can do to get home, eat something, and fall into bed. Now that I'm coming up on the third trimester (next week!), fatigue and nocturia are hitting pretty hard. I've never been this tired in my life - physically and emotionally. To help myself make it through this week, instead of writing about all the hard stuff that's going on I am going to make a list of the good things. I hope it will help me avoid giving into my weepy hormones and throwing a little pity party for myself.

1. Even though school sucks right now, I still like what I'm doing. That's pretty amazing.
2. There's a baby bumbling around in my tummy, constantly stretching and turning and kicking. Every day, I feel him get bigger and stronger - it's more bizarre and wonderful than I could ever have imagined.
   
3. I come home every night to a good man who cooks me a hot meal and rubs my shoulders and tells me I am smart and beautiful and loved. It's been almost four years and he's still my best friend. How many people are lucky enough to have someone like that in their life?
   
4. As much as I worry about money, I've never had to worry about money. Living where I do, I see how wealthy I am to always have a safe, warm home and plenty of food.
5. I have a pretty great family. My mom and dad still like each other and are both people I can count on, everyone in the family is usually speaking to each other, and it feels good to come home. I grew up thinking everyone had that, but the older I get the more I realize how blessed I am.
   

That helped even more than I'd hoped. I think I'm ready to go back to studying now...

I had my monthly doctor's appointment today. The doctor couldn't find a Doppler to listen to the heartbeat, so he decided to do a quick ultrasound to visualize the heartbeat. We saw it right away and Jonah was bouncing around, like usual. The doctor asked me if I'd like to see his face and of course I did! He moved the probe around on my abdomen, then paused and asked me, "Um, do big noses run in your family?"

So Jonah Blair Hove is a good name indeed! I still think he will be very cute, although now I have moments when I worry I will give birth to a giant nose with tiny arms and legs attached.

Everything else is going fine. School is keeping me pretty busy, especially now that I'm studying for the NCLEX (the nursing boards). I'm scheduled to take it on April 25th, one day after I turn 30 weeks pregnant. I hope I can reach around my belly far enough to take the exam!

I had a wonderful, wonderful trip home. The only scheduled event was a baby shower, which left lots of time for sitting, visiting, and playing cards - all things I didn't do nearly enough of the last time I was in Missouri.

The baby shower was so much fun - my mom and her friends executed the classic pooh theme to the letter - I can't imagine a more beautiful event! It was fun to be able to ooh and ahh over tiny baby things for a couple of hours among women who were just as excited as me over tiny baby booties. Here, this picture can double as a shot of my lovely shower and my 24 week belly photo. As you can see, Jonah has done some growing!


Speaking of babies, I finally got to meet my six week old nephew, Scott, who is just the most adorable, hugable baby you've ever seen. He even tolerated me playing with him and my new baby clothes. I'm a little... inexperienced at dressing babies that are so small and floppy and his mother had to come to my rescue but we did eventually get him to model one of Jonah's new outfits.

Since I've been back, I've hardly stopped moving. The apartment had to be cleaned - Kevin wasn't so great at keeping it clean on his own. There were several loads of laundry that had to be washed. And of course, there was my schoolwork waiting patiently for me. The school work has been taking a little longer than usual since I have to stop ever 3.5 seconds and blow my nose, but I did finally finish that kidney paper I've been working on for over a month! Now I just have a test and a quiz coming up on Monday to study for and I will be all set.

My cough turned into a head cold, which has not been the most fun thing. Fever, chills, congestion - the works. Luckily, since I'm pregnant, Kevin has been particularly doting. He's so worried about me and the baby being sick that he won't let me do anything for myself. I keep reassuring him that we're fine - it's just a cold, but secretly I think it's sort of sweet that he's so worried. And if he wants me to kick up my feet while he runs around cleaning and bringing me hot tea, that is just fine! I will enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

I'm feeling a little better today. This morning I got onto Kevin for eating in the rocking chair (which has always been against the rules) and he said he'd been doing it for three days with me sitting right next to him. The simple fact that I finally noticed must mean I'm on the mend! I'm keeping up the rest and fluids and I was able to eat breakfast this morning, so I have high hopes that I'll be mostly healthy for my trip home in a couple of days.

I guess my luck ran out. I was struck this afternoon by a bug that had me sleeping all afternoon and now tonight is keeping me up with an annoying, hacking cough that I am not allowed to take any medicine for. I'm drinking some hot tea, which helps for about 0.4 seconds. The overall virus seems to be pretty mild - no fever, no congestion, no puking. Hopefully it will stay that way and this irritating cough will go away soon.

I had a dentist appointment this morning, which Jonah was not a fan of. I think the buzzing sound of the woman polishing my teeth particularly scared him because he did not stop rolling over the whole time it was on. I think he can definitely hear now because he seems to respond to our voices. If he's kicking a lot, I can talk to him for a little bit and he usually stops. Kevin's voice has an especially calming effect on him. He always sits still and listens when his dad is talking. Let's hope that continues!

Spring break officially started at 5pm today, but I won't get much of a break until I fly home next Thursday. I've got some clinical hours to make up Monday and Wednesday and I've got a nice long paper to write about renal function over the weekend. It will be busy, but that just means I'll enjoy my time home that much more!

I can't believe it's already March. It doesn't feel that way - we got a couple more inches of snow last night. It wasn't much and I should have gone to yoga this morning anyway, but I overslept so instead I'm sitting on my couch eating Cap'n Crunch. That's kind of like exercise, right?

This week has been so long and so busy. I've been making up clinical days which I find exhausting. I've been going to bed around 8:30, which gives me just enough time to eat and see how Kevin's day was before I hit the sack. Hauling around a very active baby all day just takes it out of me! Now it's already the weekend and so I have two days to study for two pretty important tests. I'm glad I bought three boxes of Cap'n Crunch yesterday. I will need fortification as I study. Lately that one particular cereal is the only thing my tummy can tolerate. Isn't it awesome when morning sickness makes a surprise return at 22 weeks after two whole months of freedom? At least I had the two months off! And it really isn't as bad this time around - more like random bouts of it instead of that awful constant sickness I had my first trimester. I've been trying to eat as well as I can and take my vitamins and get lots of rest because I am determined to make it through the rest of flu season without getting sick - so far so good! This is pretty impressive considering I spent at least 16 hours a week getting up close and personal with sick people. I'm still loving clinical, even if it does make me tired and expose me to all kinds of gross germs (the other day I had a woman just narrowly miss me as she started vomiting in the sink I was washing my hands in).

Enough rambling - off to study as much as I can in the next 48 hours.

It has been a little hard to concentrate on school now that I have a sweet little face to look at. I've had to allow myself little breaks every couple of hours to look at the pictures of my boy. He's been getting stronger every day, as evidenced by the vigorous kicks he loves to give me early in the morning. Kevin wants him to be an athlete and there' s no worries there because he's already using my bladder as a soccer ball.

We had a huge snowstorm yesterday and ended up with several inches of snow. Kevin has to work today, unfortunately, but I plan on staying right here at home until Monday. I've got loads of work to get ahead on and some very nice girls coming over later to visit and watch an old movie. No need for me to go out in this weather! It's beautiful outside with everything covered in white, but I can enjoy that sight very well from my window with a hot cup of tea.

Meet Jonah!!

He got the Blair nose!!!

It's a boy!!!

Profile shot

20 weeks

A reminder of what I looked like a month ago. See how much closer Darla was to my belly button?

I have fallen yet farther behind in clinical hours. The contracts were finally signed so I could return and within three hours of getting there, I had to leave again. I had this awful pain in my right side that kept getting worse and when I called my doctor from New Britain, he said to come in right away. I was just sure I had appendicitis and I was so scared. They checked me and the baby out pretty thoroughly and decided it was ligament pain. I'd heard ligament pain was annoying, but I didn't know it could hurt like that. After they told me what it was, I felt silly for panicking about something so common. I talked to my mother-in-law after I got home and she said my sister-in-law went to the ER when she first got ligament pain, so that made me feel a little better. At least I'm not the only one!

Even though we knew everything was fine after seeing the doctor, I was still a little shaken up. Kevin took me out for a very nice lunch to help me feel better. I wasn't sure it would work, but three courses of Italian food later, I was feeling pretty good! Our waitress even noticed I was pregnant and said something to me. She's the first person that's ever noticed enough to say something. I thought my belly seemed a lot bigger this morning, even compared to yesterday. I guess that would explain the ligament pain! We have our big ultrasound on Tuesday and we should find out if we're having a Natalie or a Jonah - I'll definitely update then.

I spent the day today seeing patients on my own. It was a little bit scary, having to trust my own judgment, but I had a nice safety net with my preceptor there ready to check orders and re-examine patients if I asked. It helped boost my self-confidence and gave me some reassurance that I'm in the right field. With some practice and experience, I think I could be really good at this, and that's a wonderful feeling.

I've been having anxiety dreams about babies lately. One night, I dreamt I had triplets except instead of just three, there were babies everywhere. Another night, I had just one baby and was doing pretty good until I took off the diaper and there was projectile poop that covered every surface in the room in an instant.

In other baby news, my hormones are getting a little out of hand. I teared up at the voting booth today just because I was so happy to see my candidate's name on the list.

I am not so crazy about this "in between" stage, where I look like I might be pregnant, or maybe I just ate too many Oreos over the holidays. Although I don't think Oreos would be this uncomfortable or this hard to bend around. At any rate, the baby is growing well. We got to see on ultrasound last week and we have a really cute kid! We also have a really modest kid, who kept the little legs crossed and the gender a mystery.

School continues to go well. I was able to waive out of one of my classes, which lightened up my coursework a little bit - always a nice feeling. I still really enjoy clinical, too and am starting to gain independence there and see patients on my own. The first time I went in alone, I surprised myself by not being nervous at all. I felt comfortable and I did the physical exam competently. It seems I chose the right profession! I still have so much to learn, but my assessment skills are really coming along and I choose to feel good about that instead of panicking about the vast amounts of diagnoses and drugs I've still never heard of. As of now, I have two wonderful preceptors who are really good at what they do. I'm doing my best to take full advantage of all of their knowledge during the 16 hours a week I spend with them.

Clinicals this week were amazing. I probably learned more in two days than I did all of last semester. Both of my preceptors are great practitioners who are great teachers. The two clinical sites are really different, which is also great because I get a good look at how much nurse practitioners can do and the range of opportunities that come with my degree. I soaked up both days of clinical, but they were long days which left me a little exhausted. I've been trying to catch up on paperwork/reading for school, but I think it may be naptime. It's officially going to be a very busy (but probably pretty good) semester!

I spent all my babysitting money on a brand new camera. I bought a Nikon D40x and she's a real beauty. Before grad school, I really enjoyed photography. With moving and school and the progression of digital cameras, I kind of let my film Canon Rebel gather dust. Kevin and I have been talking about investing in a nice digital camera so we can take nice pictures of the baby both for ourselves and for family. I've had my eye on the Nikon for a while, so when I saw it on sale after Christmas, I snatched it up.

Some good friends of ours got engaged over break and I thought it would be a great opportunity to try out my new camera, so I asked them if I could take their engagement pictures. They were happy to oblige and I had so much fun taking and editing the pictures! Rediscovering an an old hobby can be just lovely. Here are some of my favorites:







While I was digging around on my computer, I found an old journal entry from GEPN year. It reminded me of how much has happened in the last year and how much I've changed. I've posted it below.

I’ll call him Bill because concealing his name is the only small way I know to give him back some of what he lost today.

He went in for a routine colonoscopy. I was there as a student, sent simply to observe. I was becoming more comfortable in my scrubs. I still felt self-conscious, but I was learning to pretend I belonged, and that was half the battle after all.

I was still too shy to talk to him, even though we were introduced before the doctor arrived. The procedure started off fine. The doctor strolled in ten minutes late and removed his suit jacket while Bill nervously greeted him. The lights were turned down and the doctor injected pain medication into Bill’s IV, then inserted the scope his exposed rectum. I averted my eyes.

Two minutes in, it became clear that this was no ordinary procedure. There were polyps everywhere. Some covered in pus, some in blood, some still pink and new. The doctor set to work removing them, a slow and sometimes painful process. Ten minutes in, Bill began to make noises of protest. The doctor nodded at the nurse and she quickly administered another dose of Vicadin.

Twenty minutes after that, another dose had to be administered. Bill’s blood pressure dropped slightly but he remained stable. The doctor kept cutting. An hour later, Bill started coming out of his med daze a little and told us he was hurting.

I could see his hand against the rail of the bed, clenching as he moaned his pain. It looked like my Papa’s hand before he got sick. I wanted to cross the room and take it. I wanted to touch his fingers, give him my support, tell him that I had been there, that I knew what it was like. I wanted to tell him it would be okay, that it would all be over soon. Then I saw his face. This was not my Papa. I didn’t know this man, or this room. I shrank back further against the wall, felt the cool paint against my palms.

“Do you see anything?” Bill asked.

“Yeah. A shitload of polyps.” The physician was short and crisp in his answer, too focused on his project to pay much attention to this man.

“Do I have cancer?”

“I don’t know.” The doctor sounded irritated. He looked briefly at the nurse. “I can’t talk now.”

Bill’s eyes traveled up to the TV. A bloody growth filled the screen. “Is that a polyp?” he asked. I listened to the monitor as his heart rate rose to 120.

“Yes.” Short again.

The doctor worked furiously to rid the colon of these growths, to stop the bleeding he was causing, to minimize the damage. I know he didn’t mean to be short, that he was probably a good man, but I was angry at him for doing nothing to address this man’s fear.

My eyes traveled back to his hand, grasping air.

“Do I have cancer, Doc?” Bill sounded panicked.

Nobody answered him. The doctor and the nurse kept working furiously to stop the bleeding, to find the next polyp, to remove it as efficiently as possible.

“That makes over twenty,” the nurse said quietly. “I’ve never so this many this big.” She held up two of the specimen cups. “Look at them. They’re huge.”

The doctor ignored her, busy severing yet another bundle of tissue. “Dammit. Where did that piece go?”

I saw it floating through the fluid in Bill’s colon.

He was moaning again. “It hurts,” he said. “It hurts real bad.”

The nurse looked at his monitor. “100 over 60.”

“Better hold off,” the doctor said. He continued to push and cut and cauterize.

They did nothing for his pain. My heart wrenched as this grown, proud man groaned in agony. And I, too, did nothing.

Looking back, my heart still hurts. I wish I’d held his hand.

The first week of classes went pretty well. Monday, which is my long day, happens to be filled with classes I think I'll really enjoy which will make it easier to sit for such a long stretch. Tuesday wasn't so lucky, but I guess there will always be some classes I just have to get through in order to graduate. I was supposed to start clinical this week on two different sites. There were slight setbacks with both of them. One I will definitely be starting next week (and my preceptor sounded wonderful on the phone). The other I really hope will work out. Both of them are quite a drive out of New Haven and though I don't look forward to commuting over an hour each way, I am very much looking forward to learning primary care!

I told some friends at school about the baby, so the word is out now. It was fun talking about it with such nice girls and it's kind of a relief not to be carrying around a secret anymore. They were all so excited and supportive, just like the staff at YSN have been. Let's hope that's a trend that continues!

16 weeks

I hesitated about posting this because I haven't really been telling people at school (80 gossiping women? no thank you), but it's hard not talking about something that's been so central to my thoughts the last few months. I also feel like my long distance friends and family have been missing out since they're not here to experience it with me and I'm not always great about calling. Today I told my boss, who is the last person that needs to hear it from me. So I've taken the plunge and posted a picture of my abdomen on the internet.

Meet Baby Hove! My stomach stayed flat for so long I started to wonder if there was really a baby in there. The last few days, however, big changes (at least to me) starting happening, including the one you see above. Luckily, I have my bella band, so I haven't had to buy new pants yet. I've felt light movements, which has been thrilling. They are few and far between, which makes each little tap even more precious. Every once in a while, the baby will kick especially hard and you can feel it with your hand from the outside - just a tiny little touch.

Classes start tomorrow. I'm always a little excited about a fresh new semester even as I dread getting up early and having more responsibility. I spent the afternoon getting ready, printing syllabuses and putting together folders. I should feel ready but instead I just feel like I'm forgetting something. I have to be at school from 8am to 7:30pm and I have an unreasonable fear that I will forget to bring food and be unable to access any for almost 12 hours (this would never happen, but that's why I called it an unreasonable fear).

Wish me luck!

We got back from Arizona late Tuesday night and spent yesterday sleeping in, unpacking and stocking back up on groceries. We had a great time seeing family and friends although the visit was too short, like it always is. Somehow I managed not to take a single picture the whole time we were there so I can't share with you how adorable my niece and nephew have gotten lately. My sister-in-law, Laura, is scheduled to give birth tomorrow so we'll soon have yet another niece to fawn over.

The weather was rainy for a couple days when we first got there, which was unusual and kind of depressing. Luckily, the clouds cleared and it became sunny and gorgeous so Kevin and I could spend a couple of perfect afternoons outside in the sun playing cards.

Even though I managed to catch a cold while we were away, I've been feeling much better overall the last week or two. I'm still tired often, but I feel like a human being again and have been showering regularly and cooking my husband dinner in the evening. These may seem like small accomplishments, but Kevin and I are both excited to have me back. I've also been particularly enjoying food lately, almost any food. I never knew things could taste so good! A few days ago, I just couldn't stop gushing about how delicious my cottage cheese was. Kevin looked at me incredulously and said, "But you've been to Italy!" He couldn't believe that my cottage cheese tasted even better than the amazing food we experienced in Florence. But it really did!

We're leaving early tomorrow morning for Arizona. I'll tell you all about it next Thursday after we get back. For now I have to lay down and think about how quickly 4am will come.

Christmas in Missouri was wonderful. It went by more quickly than I expected, but it was so, so good to be home. I'm going to fly home in March so that I have more time to visit and play cards. This trip was so busy! There were four days and three Christmases, which made for a lot of big family events. It was great to see everyone, but I feel like I got to wave and smile and then I was gone.

Because the holidays wore me out, I've given myself a break and have done absolutely nothing for two whole days. It's been glorious. I plan to continue this pattern until we leave for Arizona at the end of the week, though I may have to make exceptions for laundry and cooking.

The picture above is our whole family - not often are we all gathered in one place. It's hard to believe there will be two new little faces in our picture next year!

Finals are done and I'm headed for Missouri...

I took this picture on Thursday, just as the snow was beginning to fall.  We had another big storm last night that left a chilly layer of snow and ice on everything.  They're just now clearing off the roads and I don't even want to think about how much work it will be to dig out our car tomorrow.  The weather has been a great excuse to stay warm and snuggled in on the couch, watching the sleet and snow from the windows.  I thought it would be a great excuse to get down to business with my textbooks but it just didn't work out that way.  Kevin's officially on vacation and has two weeks off!   We celebrated by making dinner together and watching While You Were Sleeping (which I still think is a Christmas movie even though he disagrees).  He also took me on a long walk to try to get some exercise before the storm hit.  He had me hustling so fast because he was cold that by the time we got back to the apartment I had already taken off most of my cold weather gear.  He still insists he couldn't feel any extremeties by the time we got back.  He is definitely an Arizona boy.

Nothing much to report here.  I have one more week of school - finals week.  I only have three finals, so it really shouldn't be too bad.  I am struggling with motivation to study because I feel like this semester has been about twelve years too long and I'm rapidly running out of energy.  What energy I have had, I've been devoting to productive but un-school related activities such as finishing up crafts for Christmas.  The idea for making Christmas gifts seemed like such a good one (and I still stand by it) but I didn't realize how much work it was going to be!  I'm almost there, though, just a couple of things to finish up.  

And that's about it.  That and counting down the days until we're in Missouri...     

Drinking hot tea, listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing "Baby, it's Cold Outside," and watching big flakes of snow fall prettily out my window.  It turned out to be a pretty good day.

It's officially winter here.  Not only is it shockingly cold, but this morning we had our first snow.  Yesterday to celebrate the official beginning of December, I put up our little Christmas tree and stockings.  In about an hour, I'm leaving to parktake in further winter festivities.  A local park is having a crafting celebration where you can make your own wreaths and dip your own candles.  A few of us from the nursing school are going and though it will be very cold, I think it's worth getting bundled up for.

Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. There were a lot of people, but everyone brought a delicious dish so there was more than enough food for everyone. Mary and Skyler hosted, and she baked a beautiful turkey - not bad for a gal that was a vegetarian for ten years prior to moving to Connecticut! After eating, there was lots of talking, playing board games, and feeling contented. The day after Thanksgiving, we reunited for leftovers and to showcase our various talents. I played a duet on the piano with two hands and a foot. From various other participants, there was banjo playing, reciting the first 100 digits of pi (!!!), dog tricks, joke telling, ballet dancing, reciting the alphabet backwards and of course stupid human tricks (MK can touch her shoulders together!!). It was an amazing evening fueled by good company and just the right amount of wine.

Yale/Harvard 2007

  


Well, I wish I could say it was as good as last year, but not only were we freezing, our guys were just embarassing.  At one point, Harvard threw a terrible pass and one of our guys caught it, tripped, and handed it to another Harvard player.  Like, "oh my gosh, you guys almost let us get the ball!  Here, take it, score another touchdown!"  

At the end of the third quarter, I couldn't feel my hands or my feet and I was exhausted, so I called it a day.  I hear things didn't get much better, so I'm glad I spent the rest of my afternoon tucked in on my couch.  At least the tailgating before hand was fun!

This afternoon I was overcome by an overwhelming longing to be home.  More specifically, to be eating breakfast at my Grandma Mary's green round table, my dad across from me reading the Sunday paper in his PJs.  I wanted to see my grandma's worn bible at her place and hear her familiar voice floating in from the kitchen.  I wanted it so badly, tears came to my eyes.

Then I remembered my parent's living room at Christmas time, all of us in our pajamas, though Dad always cheated and took a shower before donning his robe.  My mom would make something special for breakfast and we'd open presents while my Dad made balls out of wrapping paper and launched them at us.  We'd all try out our presents or maybe watch one of the new family DVDs and then Mom would get out the Christmas china and we'd have lunch, the five of us, in the fancy dining room.  

Then there was Thanksgiving at Grandmom and Granddad's house, my favorite holiday.  The food was always awesome, of course, but the best part of the whole day is playing cards all afternoon in the dining room.  In between games or if it's a while before your turn, you sneak off to get yet another tiny sliver of pumpkin pie.  The secret to a great Thanksgiving is to eat just a little lunch so you can have a piece of pie every hour until dinner.  Now that's a holiday!  The best present I ever received was June before we left for Connecticut, my family threw me my own little summer Thanksgiving, complete with my Grandmom's delicious pumpkin chiffon pie (mmmmmm....) and playing cards until the men were groaning that it was time to go home.  

I guess you could say I'm a little homesick.  I was always pretty sure I wouldn't live my grown-up life in Missouri but part of me assumed I'd somehow pack up my family and taken them with me.  I love getting frequent updates but it's a little bittersweet because it just doesn't seem fair that I can't be here and there at the same time.  I see pictures of everyone laughing and eating cake and I think, "shouldn't I be there?"  I'm tired of missing birthdays and holidays and family dinners!  Well, this year I put my foot down.  We've done a Christmas with Kevin's family in Arizona.  We've done a Christmas apart when I was on a cruise with my family.  We've done a Christmas just the two of us in New Haven.  And now it is time for a Christmas in Missouri!  Vacation has been confirmed, plane tickets have been purchased, now it's just a waiting game.

So, is it Christmas yet?

Kevin's parent's made it out this past weekend and we had a nice visit.  They stayed with us, which was a little crowded in our tiny apartment, but we made out ok.  They had never been here before and they were excited to see Yale and New Haven.  Unfortunately, it got pretty cold while they were here, so we didn't spend much time walking outside.  We did have one nice day though, and went down to the beach in Milford and walked on the shore for a while.   Sunday we went down to Mystic and had a nice time exploring the "village" of little shops.   Overall it was a nice long weekend and they were already talking about coming back in the summer so they can explore the east coast a little more.

A couple of weeks ago, I started working the perfect job.  I have known for a while that it probably was a good idea for me to make a little extra money this year.  Several of my classmates got jobs at the hospital working as student nurses.  While the hours are flexible and the pay is alright, the thought of working 12 hour shifts taking vital signs and cleaning up body fluids was less than appealing.  A few weeks ago, an ad floated around the nursing school email about a new mother looking for a little baby break a few days a week so she could get some writing done.  I impulsively emailed her and I'm so glad I did.  

I started last week as a nanny for this precious 4 month old little boy.  They live on the ocean in a nearby town, so I'm able to get out of New Haven and rock this little chubkins while looking at the water.  It's a welcome break from nursing and I very much prefer it to a job working at the hospital.  I am still dealing with body fluids, but they're pint sized portions and at least I get a break from vital signs!

Would you like to hear something gross?  My apartment.  What, that doesn't sound gross?  That's because you can't see it.  Let me assure you, it's not a pretty sight.  Why do things get dirty again just as soon as I clean them?  I mean I cleaned the bathroom like....  two months ago.  Oh.  That might be part of the problem.   Time moves so quickly when I'm not cleaning and ever so slowly when I am...

What'd you say?  My in-laws will be on my doorstep in one week?  From today?  Oh, that's ok, I plan on cloning myself at least five times before then.  

Today is a day filled with midterms, which means I'm officially halfway through this semester. I have always felt that October is a long stretch in school and coming to the end of it feels like such an accomplishment! Before I know it, it will be Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and then a long much-deserved break before spring semester. My first specialty year has brought with it some challenges but over all, I feel much more comfortable here this time around. Maybe I do belong here. Maybe I will make a good nurse practitioner. Maybe this is what I'm supposed to be doing!

I am looking forward to next semester, when I'll get to be in clinical practicing all the information I've learned so far in a much more hands on way. For now though, I'm enjoying where I am now, the beautiful fall, and the extra time I have to get a little sewing done.

Our hunt for the perfect pumpkin this year turned into quite an adventure since we failed to check the closing time before driving out to the farm.  We got there five minutes before closing time, which means there was a mad dash through the thoroughly picked over pumpkin patch. You can see the triumph in their faces, can't you?  
Afterwards we had an awesome carving party.  I will post a picture of my very scary pumpkin just as soon as I light it up and take one.

Yesterday, a friend and I went on an adventure to the beach in Milford.  It was a perfect day for it.    The sun was out and the air was just starting to smell crisp and delicious.  We found many interesting things by the water, but the strangest thing by far was this placenta-like jellyfish:


Notice that it's bigger than her hand.  Isn't that gross and fascinating?!  And doesn't it look exactly like a placenta?  If you don't know what a placenta looks like, Google Image it and you'll get an eye full.  Then all you will be able to think about is how much this jellyfish looks like all those pictures.  Seriously.  

On our way home, we stopped by the JoAnn's superstore and spent a couple of hours there.  In light of the outrageous travel expenses this holiday season, we're making a lot of our Christmas gifts this year.   It will give me something productive to do when I need a study break and homemade gifts means you love someone, right?  Also, it's fun.  No need to worry about receiving any decorative knit bunnies, though.  I'm doing my best to make presents that I think that particular person will like and get some use out of.  Rest easy, family!

Did you ever have a moment that just seemed so bizarre you wondered how you ever ended up there?  I experienced just such a moment earlier today while conducting my first prostate exam.  Five years ago, I never could have imagined myself paying tens of thousands of dollars in order to learn how to properly stick my finger up a strange man's backside.  Sometimes life is so weird.

I've been a very busy girl lately, and it doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. I spent most of my weekend pouring over books, trying to at least catch up to where I'm supposed to be and refreshing my math memory for my Statistics test. Sunday evening was soccer night at Sunday Sports and we had an awesome game in the park. Some guys from Russia joined in and then a friend from an earlier game showed up with his three kids and the four of them played with us, too. Having people from different programs and of different ages gave me a real sense of community. It was a little crowed with 19 of us, but it was worth it to feel good about this little city for a while.

Frail, exhausted, struggling
To be the father, the spouse, the friend.
Grasping old roles
To fill your empty hands.

Good hearts seek our your statistics.
In the fight to save your life
There are no people, only uniforms.
They are their scrubs; you are your gown.
It's nothing personal.


But I see you.
Not the chart or the tubes.
Not the harsh white sheets
Hanging on your bones.

I see your sacred blue eyes
Scared, lonely, proud.
I see your tanned face, wise lines set
From many good years.
All so out of place in this strange new world;
Seeking something familiar.

Rest easy.
You will be my friend, my spouse, my father.
Grasp my hand.

Breathe.

Tell me your story.

It's already exam season, which may be why my creative Fridays have already been stifled.  This weekend has been especially busy.  Friday, I rode in Critical Mass for the first time.  It's a huge bike ride that goes through the city at the end of every month.  It was awesome.  I wish I had taken my camera with me - I wasn't prepared to see so many bikes in one place!  It was a little surreal to be a part of something so big (and slow, by the way) but it was also pretty fun.  Afterwards, a few of us that had ridden together ended up having an impromptu dinner party at a nearby house.  I had to leave early because I had already committed to a birthday party, but I hear that Kevin stayed pretty late.

Yesterday was spent largely studying and practicing phyiscal
 assessment.  I took the evening off  because I had a date with Kevin.  He took me to a great dinner - the best we've had in New Haven - and then to the first play of our season passes, Richard II.  It was a long and a little depressing, but the acting was great and it was good to be out of the apartment together.

Today is mostly preparing for my test tomorrow and the assessment skills check off later in the week.  It's so nice to have a willing model in the apartment.  Whenever I need a break from the books, Kevin gets a physical exam (just head, neck, heart, and lungs though since that's all we've learned).  
 

After Kevin and I watched the video I posted Monday, we really started getting an itch from the travel bug.  Do you know there are deals online to travel the world for $999?  (Granted, their idea of "the world" is two continents.) Still, it might make a nice little three month break after I graduate...

Where the Hell is Matt?

There won't be any creative writing today because I have a test on Tuesday and really ought to be thinking more about HEENT than stories.   There will be a quick update, though.

Kevin had a couple of dental procedures done this week and now has to wear mouthgear at night.  I'd never have believed it, but I think mouthgear is kinda cute.  

I had a slight scare this week that kind of jump started me back into study mode.  I was being arrogant and careless and failed something I shouldn't have.  Until I thought  I might lose it, I never realized I wanted to be here so badly.  I know Kevin hates New Haven, but I love living here right now.  I would also kind of like that degree I'm paying so much money for.  Lucky for me, the professor was extremely understanding and I'm in the clear.  It gave me an excellent reason to kick study mode into high gear.

So, anyone need an earache assessed?  A sore throat?  Swollen glands?  Give me a call...  I need the practice.

I kept telling myself how much easier this semester was going to be and I was shocked to find myself with more reading than I would ever want to do in a weekend.  I want to be a good nurse practitioner and I know I'm going to love my job.  I'm just not sure I'm going to love all the time I'll be spending with my books in the next two years.  Specialty years may be more interesting because it's more focused on what I'm going to be doing, but I've discovered it also involves a lot of studying.  Did you know that to diagnose someone with an illness, it's necessary to know all the kinds of illnesses that are out there?  That's crazy!  I'd better get to work.

We had our apartment complex BBQ today.   It was raining this morning and I was a little worried (I went apple picking with some nurses and we almost froze!) but by the afternoon it was sunny and beautiful.  We had a pretty good turnout - I met lots of interesting people, but we were so busy churning out burgers, we didn't get much time to talk to them.  Now that faces are more familiar, maybe there will be more visiting in the future.

I'm a little exhausted and I'd really like to collapse into bed.  I know I should probably hit the books for a while, but I promised a friend I would stop by her house party (she just bought one - yay!) and while I don't relish the thought of her neighborhood at night, a promise is a promise, right?  

Most Useful Advice I've Received about Marraige:

It's ok to go to bed angry if it keeps you from saying something you shouldn't.  Things always look better in the morning.  

Make time to go on a date together every week, even if it's just renting a movie.


Most Successful Self-Improvement Projects:

In the last year, I've made a conscious effort to smile more.   People are friendlier.  

In the last month, I started riding my bike instead of driving.  I feel more awake.

Just wanted to write a quick post to say I am really diving into classes this semester.  It turns out I am pretty excited to learn how to be an NP.  The professors this year are enthusiastic and engaging - which makes it a whole lot easier to learn.  The textbooks aren't bad either - I'm actually reading them for the first time in my life.  Imagine that!  

The second piece of good news is that I got into the medical Spanish class.  It will be great if I move to Arizona, but even out here I've encountered a lot of Spanish speaking patients.   I'll be starting that next week - hopefully I'll learn as much from it as I've been learning from my other classes... 

         I was never afraid of spiders. They eat insects, keeping the house a little tidier. They make homes for themselves as beautiful and intricate as any work of art. And sometimes, if they’re named Charlotte, they save cute little pigs from slaughter. What is there to fear?
         A lot, as it turns out. Have you ever actually been bitten by a spider? Do you know what those clever little beasties can do? They look small, sure, but their tiny teeth pack some serious punch.
         My first experience with a spider bite was personal. I was out backpacking with three boys in high school. Two of them shared a tent, the third had his own. It was a warm, lovely weekend so I decided to go without a tent. That was my first mistake.
         After the boys went to bed, I read for a while by the light of my flashlight and then slipped off into that deep sleep that a good hike and a warm campfire will give you. I woke suddenly with a sharp pain on my face. I had no idea how long I’d been asleep. I reached up a felt a welt on my lower lip. This was not good. I didn’t think anything could be worse than the stinging pain. I was wrong.
         It started to go numb. The tingling sensation spread quickly from my lip over my left cheek and down my neck. I jumped of the sleeping bag, terrified. I grabbed my flashlight and started surveying the area for anything that could have caused this.
         I saw an angry black spider in my sleeping bag and I promptly killed it. That was my second mistake. Here’s a tip for you: If you are bitten by a spider, especially one that causes any part of your body to go numb, you should capture it and take it with you to the emergency room. That way, they will be able to identify it and treat you appropriately.
         I was not thinking of this at the time. Since the spider was dead, I wasn’t sure what to do next. Should I slowly wait for death? Should I be saying prayers? Was there some kind of medicine I should be taking? Why had we hiked so far in? I needed answers to all of these questions. I walked over to the tent of the boy sleeping alone. Let’s call him Sean, since that’s his name. I shook his tent a little. Then a little more.
         “Sean,” I said, trying to keep my voice quiet but finding it difficult seeing as how these were probably my last few minutes on this earth. “Sean!”
         I finally got him awake and made him aware of the situation. He pulled out his emergency guide for campers, packed in among sixteen bottles of Purell. I thought surely, this guy would have my answer.
         Once again, I was wrong. So very wrong. “It doesn’t really say much about spider bites. What kind of spider was it?
         I was losing my patience. “I don’t know.”
         “Well, I could try to suck the poison out…”
         “No.”
         “Well, then I’m going back to bed.”
         And so I sat, alone, reading my book, praying a little, trying not to fall asleep, just in case. It was a very long night, but the good news is that in the morning, I was still very much alive. This may be obvious to you since I’m telling you this story today, but at the time, this was a great and wonderful surprise.
         The moral of the story is, though spiders can be helpful and are capable of making lovely little houses, don’t be tricked. They may care about saving Wilbur from the slaughter but that doesn’t mean they give a hoot about you.

Update in Pictures

Over the weekend, we stayed with my friend's parents. They live on a small island off the coast of Maine. There are no cars on the island (it's really not big enough to need them) and it feels like stepping back in time. The photo above is their backyard. That little path goes down to the beach. Can you think of a more lovely place to spend a long weekend?

We took those kayacks around this island. The water was calm, the land was beautiful. I was in heaven.

This is my new haircut for the three people that would care to see it. It's a "stacked bob." The stylist said she saved me from another boring bob. It looks exactly the same to me.

And finally, my quilt! Isn't it cute? I'm very proud of this one.

My first official day of classes was today. I had my first Principles of Aging class today and I lucked out - it's awesome! I had to buy textbooks for the first time since coming here and guess what? It was not so awesome. I think it will be good for me to start building a resource library though, so I'm trying to see it as money well invested.

I've decided that I need to do more creative writing. About a year ago, I bought a book about blogging because I thought it would help me in this area. I have not used it once. Since my semester is a little light this fall (with no clinical), I'm going to give myself a writing assignment from this book every Friday. And you lucky ducks get to read it, if you're so inclined. I promise nothing good, but I'm hoping it will get my writing juices flowing again. I might need them in the next couple of years...