It's been a stressful week at school. I've been feeling a little overwhelmed and exhausted. It helps a little to know that everyone around me is going through the same thing - but only a little. Some nights it's all I can do to get home, eat something, and fall into bed. Now that I'm coming up on the third trimester (next week!), fatigue and nocturia are hitting pretty hard. I've never been this tired in my life - physically and emotionally. To help myself make it through this week, instead of writing about all the hard stuff that's going on I am going to make a list of the good things. I hope it will help me avoid giving into my weepy hormones and throwing a little pity party for myself.

1. Even though school sucks right now, I still like what I'm doing. That's pretty amazing.
2. There's a baby bumbling around in my tummy, constantly stretching and turning and kicking. Every day, I feel him get bigger and stronger - it's more bizarre and wonderful than I could ever have imagined.
   
3. I come home every night to a good man who cooks me a hot meal and rubs my shoulders and tells me I am smart and beautiful and loved. It's been almost four years and he's still my best friend. How many people are lucky enough to have someone like that in their life?
   
4. As much as I worry about money, I've never had to worry about money. Living where I do, I see how wealthy I am to always have a safe, warm home and plenty of food.
5. I have a pretty great family. My mom and dad still like each other and are both people I can count on, everyone in the family is usually speaking to each other, and it feels good to come home. I grew up thinking everyone had that, but the older I get the more I realize how blessed I am.
   

That helped even more than I'd hoped. I think I'm ready to go back to studying now...

I had my monthly doctor's appointment today. The doctor couldn't find a Doppler to listen to the heartbeat, so he decided to do a quick ultrasound to visualize the heartbeat. We saw it right away and Jonah was bouncing around, like usual. The doctor asked me if I'd like to see his face and of course I did! He moved the probe around on my abdomen, then paused and asked me, "Um, do big noses run in your family?"

So Jonah Blair Hove is a good name indeed! I still think he will be very cute, although now I have moments when I worry I will give birth to a giant nose with tiny arms and legs attached.

Everything else is going fine. School is keeping me pretty busy, especially now that I'm studying for the NCLEX (the nursing boards). I'm scheduled to take it on April 25th, one day after I turn 30 weeks pregnant. I hope I can reach around my belly far enough to take the exam!

I had a wonderful, wonderful trip home. The only scheduled event was a baby shower, which left lots of time for sitting, visiting, and playing cards - all things I didn't do nearly enough of the last time I was in Missouri.

The baby shower was so much fun - my mom and her friends executed the classic pooh theme to the letter - I can't imagine a more beautiful event! It was fun to be able to ooh and ahh over tiny baby things for a couple of hours among women who were just as excited as me over tiny baby booties. Here, this picture can double as a shot of my lovely shower and my 24 week belly photo. As you can see, Jonah has done some growing!


Speaking of babies, I finally got to meet my six week old nephew, Scott, who is just the most adorable, hugable baby you've ever seen. He even tolerated me playing with him and my new baby clothes. I'm a little... inexperienced at dressing babies that are so small and floppy and his mother had to come to my rescue but we did eventually get him to model one of Jonah's new outfits.

Since I've been back, I've hardly stopped moving. The apartment had to be cleaned - Kevin wasn't so great at keeping it clean on his own. There were several loads of laundry that had to be washed. And of course, there was my schoolwork waiting patiently for me. The school work has been taking a little longer than usual since I have to stop ever 3.5 seconds and blow my nose, but I did finally finish that kidney paper I've been working on for over a month! Now I just have a test and a quiz coming up on Monday to study for and I will be all set.

My cough turned into a head cold, which has not been the most fun thing. Fever, chills, congestion - the works. Luckily, since I'm pregnant, Kevin has been particularly doting. He's so worried about me and the baby being sick that he won't let me do anything for myself. I keep reassuring him that we're fine - it's just a cold, but secretly I think it's sort of sweet that he's so worried. And if he wants me to kick up my feet while he runs around cleaning and bringing me hot tea, that is just fine! I will enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

I'm feeling a little better today. This morning I got onto Kevin for eating in the rocking chair (which has always been against the rules) and he said he'd been doing it for three days with me sitting right next to him. The simple fact that I finally noticed must mean I'm on the mend! I'm keeping up the rest and fluids and I was able to eat breakfast this morning, so I have high hopes that I'll be mostly healthy for my trip home in a couple of days.

I guess my luck ran out. I was struck this afternoon by a bug that had me sleeping all afternoon and now tonight is keeping me up with an annoying, hacking cough that I am not allowed to take any medicine for. I'm drinking some hot tea, which helps for about 0.4 seconds. The overall virus seems to be pretty mild - no fever, no congestion, no puking. Hopefully it will stay that way and this irritating cough will go away soon.

I had a dentist appointment this morning, which Jonah was not a fan of. I think the buzzing sound of the woman polishing my teeth particularly scared him because he did not stop rolling over the whole time it was on. I think he can definitely hear now because he seems to respond to our voices. If he's kicking a lot, I can talk to him for a little bit and he usually stops. Kevin's voice has an especially calming effect on him. He always sits still and listens when his dad is talking. Let's hope that continues!

Spring break officially started at 5pm today, but I won't get much of a break until I fly home next Thursday. I've got some clinical hours to make up Monday and Wednesday and I've got a nice long paper to write about renal function over the weekend. It will be busy, but that just means I'll enjoy my time home that much more!

I can't believe it's already March. It doesn't feel that way - we got a couple more inches of snow last night. It wasn't much and I should have gone to yoga this morning anyway, but I overslept so instead I'm sitting on my couch eating Cap'n Crunch. That's kind of like exercise, right?

This week has been so long and so busy. I've been making up clinical days which I find exhausting. I've been going to bed around 8:30, which gives me just enough time to eat and see how Kevin's day was before I hit the sack. Hauling around a very active baby all day just takes it out of me! Now it's already the weekend and so I have two days to study for two pretty important tests. I'm glad I bought three boxes of Cap'n Crunch yesterday. I will need fortification as I study. Lately that one particular cereal is the only thing my tummy can tolerate. Isn't it awesome when morning sickness makes a surprise return at 22 weeks after two whole months of freedom? At least I had the two months off! And it really isn't as bad this time around - more like random bouts of it instead of that awful constant sickness I had my first trimester. I've been trying to eat as well as I can and take my vitamins and get lots of rest because I am determined to make it through the rest of flu season without getting sick - so far so good! This is pretty impressive considering I spent at least 16 hours a week getting up close and personal with sick people. I'm still loving clinical, even if it does make me tired and expose me to all kinds of gross germs (the other day I had a woman just narrowly miss me as she started vomiting in the sink I was washing my hands in).

Enough rambling - off to study as much as I can in the next 48 hours.

It has been a little hard to concentrate on school now that I have a sweet little face to look at. I've had to allow myself little breaks every couple of hours to look at the pictures of my boy. He's been getting stronger every day, as evidenced by the vigorous kicks he loves to give me early in the morning. Kevin wants him to be an athlete and there' s no worries there because he's already using my bladder as a soccer ball.

We had a huge snowstorm yesterday and ended up with several inches of snow. Kevin has to work today, unfortunately, but I plan on staying right here at home until Monday. I've got loads of work to get ahead on and some very nice girls coming over later to visit and watch an old movie. No need for me to go out in this weather! It's beautiful outside with everything covered in white, but I can enjoy that sight very well from my window with a hot cup of tea.

Meet Jonah!!

He got the Blair nose!!!

It's a boy!!!

Profile shot

20 weeks

A reminder of what I looked like a month ago. See how much closer Darla was to my belly button?

I have fallen yet farther behind in clinical hours. The contracts were finally signed so I could return and within three hours of getting there, I had to leave again. I had this awful pain in my right side that kept getting worse and when I called my doctor from New Britain, he said to come in right away. I was just sure I had appendicitis and I was so scared. They checked me and the baby out pretty thoroughly and decided it was ligament pain. I'd heard ligament pain was annoying, but I didn't know it could hurt like that. After they told me what it was, I felt silly for panicking about something so common. I talked to my mother-in-law after I got home and she said my sister-in-law went to the ER when she first got ligament pain, so that made me feel a little better. At least I'm not the only one!

Even though we knew everything was fine after seeing the doctor, I was still a little shaken up. Kevin took me out for a very nice lunch to help me feel better. I wasn't sure it would work, but three courses of Italian food later, I was feeling pretty good! Our waitress even noticed I was pregnant and said something to me. She's the first person that's ever noticed enough to say something. I thought my belly seemed a lot bigger this morning, even compared to yesterday. I guess that would explain the ligament pain! We have our big ultrasound on Tuesday and we should find out if we're having a Natalie or a Jonah - I'll definitely update then.

I spent the day today seeing patients on my own. It was a little bit scary, having to trust my own judgment, but I had a nice safety net with my preceptor there ready to check orders and re-examine patients if I asked. It helped boost my self-confidence and gave me some reassurance that I'm in the right field. With some practice and experience, I think I could be really good at this, and that's a wonderful feeling.

I've been having anxiety dreams about babies lately. One night, I dreamt I had triplets except instead of just three, there were babies everywhere. Another night, I had just one baby and was doing pretty good until I took off the diaper and there was projectile poop that covered every surface in the room in an instant.

In other baby news, my hormones are getting a little out of hand. I teared up at the voting booth today just because I was so happy to see my candidate's name on the list.

I am not so crazy about this "in between" stage, where I look like I might be pregnant, or maybe I just ate too many Oreos over the holidays. Although I don't think Oreos would be this uncomfortable or this hard to bend around. At any rate, the baby is growing well. We got to see on ultrasound last week and we have a really cute kid! We also have a really modest kid, who kept the little legs crossed and the gender a mystery.

School continues to go well. I was able to waive out of one of my classes, which lightened up my coursework a little bit - always a nice feeling. I still really enjoy clinical, too and am starting to gain independence there and see patients on my own. The first time I went in alone, I surprised myself by not being nervous at all. I felt comfortable and I did the physical exam competently. It seems I chose the right profession! I still have so much to learn, but my assessment skills are really coming along and I choose to feel good about that instead of panicking about the vast amounts of diagnoses and drugs I've still never heard of. As of now, I have two wonderful preceptors who are really good at what they do. I'm doing my best to take full advantage of all of their knowledge during the 16 hours a week I spend with them.

Clinicals this week were amazing. I probably learned more in two days than I did all of last semester. Both of my preceptors are great practitioners who are great teachers. The two clinical sites are really different, which is also great because I get a good look at how much nurse practitioners can do and the range of opportunities that come with my degree. I soaked up both days of clinical, but they were long days which left me a little exhausted. I've been trying to catch up on paperwork/reading for school, but I think it may be naptime. It's officially going to be a very busy (but probably pretty good) semester!

I spent all my babysitting money on a brand new camera. I bought a Nikon D40x and she's a real beauty. Before grad school, I really enjoyed photography. With moving and school and the progression of digital cameras, I kind of let my film Canon Rebel gather dust. Kevin and I have been talking about investing in a nice digital camera so we can take nice pictures of the baby both for ourselves and for family. I've had my eye on the Nikon for a while, so when I saw it on sale after Christmas, I snatched it up.

Some good friends of ours got engaged over break and I thought it would be a great opportunity to try out my new camera, so I asked them if I could take their engagement pictures. They were happy to oblige and I had so much fun taking and editing the pictures! Rediscovering an an old hobby can be just lovely. Here are some of my favorites:







While I was digging around on my computer, I found an old journal entry from GEPN year. It reminded me of how much has happened in the last year and how much I've changed. I've posted it below.

I’ll call him Bill because concealing his name is the only small way I know to give him back some of what he lost today.

He went in for a routine colonoscopy. I was there as a student, sent simply to observe. I was becoming more comfortable in my scrubs. I still felt self-conscious, but I was learning to pretend I belonged, and that was half the battle after all.

I was still too shy to talk to him, even though we were introduced before the doctor arrived. The procedure started off fine. The doctor strolled in ten minutes late and removed his suit jacket while Bill nervously greeted him. The lights were turned down and the doctor injected pain medication into Bill’s IV, then inserted the scope his exposed rectum. I averted my eyes.

Two minutes in, it became clear that this was no ordinary procedure. There were polyps everywhere. Some covered in pus, some in blood, some still pink and new. The doctor set to work removing them, a slow and sometimes painful process. Ten minutes in, Bill began to make noises of protest. The doctor nodded at the nurse and she quickly administered another dose of Vicadin.

Twenty minutes after that, another dose had to be administered. Bill’s blood pressure dropped slightly but he remained stable. The doctor kept cutting. An hour later, Bill started coming out of his med daze a little and told us he was hurting.

I could see his hand against the rail of the bed, clenching as he moaned his pain. It looked like my Papa’s hand before he got sick. I wanted to cross the room and take it. I wanted to touch his fingers, give him my support, tell him that I had been there, that I knew what it was like. I wanted to tell him it would be okay, that it would all be over soon. Then I saw his face. This was not my Papa. I didn’t know this man, or this room. I shrank back further against the wall, felt the cool paint against my palms.

“Do you see anything?” Bill asked.

“Yeah. A shitload of polyps.” The physician was short and crisp in his answer, too focused on his project to pay much attention to this man.

“Do I have cancer?”

“I don’t know.” The doctor sounded irritated. He looked briefly at the nurse. “I can’t talk now.”

Bill’s eyes traveled up to the TV. A bloody growth filled the screen. “Is that a polyp?” he asked. I listened to the monitor as his heart rate rose to 120.

“Yes.” Short again.

The doctor worked furiously to rid the colon of these growths, to stop the bleeding he was causing, to minimize the damage. I know he didn’t mean to be short, that he was probably a good man, but I was angry at him for doing nothing to address this man’s fear.

My eyes traveled back to his hand, grasping air.

“Do I have cancer, Doc?” Bill sounded panicked.

Nobody answered him. The doctor and the nurse kept working furiously to stop the bleeding, to find the next polyp, to remove it as efficiently as possible.

“That makes over twenty,” the nurse said quietly. “I’ve never so this many this big.” She held up two of the specimen cups. “Look at them. They’re huge.”

The doctor ignored her, busy severing yet another bundle of tissue. “Dammit. Where did that piece go?”

I saw it floating through the fluid in Bill’s colon.

He was moaning again. “It hurts,” he said. “It hurts real bad.”

The nurse looked at his monitor. “100 over 60.”

“Better hold off,” the doctor said. He continued to push and cut and cauterize.

They did nothing for his pain. My heart wrenched as this grown, proud man groaned in agony. And I, too, did nothing.

Looking back, my heart still hurts. I wish I’d held his hand.

The first week of classes went pretty well. Monday, which is my long day, happens to be filled with classes I think I'll really enjoy which will make it easier to sit for such a long stretch. Tuesday wasn't so lucky, but I guess there will always be some classes I just have to get through in order to graduate. I was supposed to start clinical this week on two different sites. There were slight setbacks with both of them. One I will definitely be starting next week (and my preceptor sounded wonderful on the phone). The other I really hope will work out. Both of them are quite a drive out of New Haven and though I don't look forward to commuting over an hour each way, I am very much looking forward to learning primary care!

I told some friends at school about the baby, so the word is out now. It was fun talking about it with such nice girls and it's kind of a relief not to be carrying around a secret anymore. They were all so excited and supportive, just like the staff at YSN have been. Let's hope that's a trend that continues!

16 weeks

I hesitated about posting this because I haven't really been telling people at school (80 gossiping women? no thank you), but it's hard not talking about something that's been so central to my thoughts the last few months. I also feel like my long distance friends and family have been missing out since they're not here to experience it with me and I'm not always great about calling. Today I told my boss, who is the last person that needs to hear it from me. So I've taken the plunge and posted a picture of my abdomen on the internet.

Meet Baby Hove! My stomach stayed flat for so long I started to wonder if there was really a baby in there. The last few days, however, big changes (at least to me) starting happening, including the one you see above. Luckily, I have my bella band, so I haven't had to buy new pants yet. I've felt light movements, which has been thrilling. They are few and far between, which makes each little tap even more precious. Every once in a while, the baby will kick especially hard and you can feel it with your hand from the outside - just a tiny little touch.

Classes start tomorrow. I'm always a little excited about a fresh new semester even as I dread getting up early and having more responsibility. I spent the afternoon getting ready, printing syllabuses and putting together folders. I should feel ready but instead I just feel like I'm forgetting something. I have to be at school from 8am to 7:30pm and I have an unreasonable fear that I will forget to bring food and be unable to access any for almost 12 hours (this would never happen, but that's why I called it an unreasonable fear).

Wish me luck!

We got back from Arizona late Tuesday night and spent yesterday sleeping in, unpacking and stocking back up on groceries. We had a great time seeing family and friends although the visit was too short, like it always is. Somehow I managed not to take a single picture the whole time we were there so I can't share with you how adorable my niece and nephew have gotten lately. My sister-in-law, Laura, is scheduled to give birth tomorrow so we'll soon have yet another niece to fawn over.

The weather was rainy for a couple days when we first got there, which was unusual and kind of depressing. Luckily, the clouds cleared and it became sunny and gorgeous so Kevin and I could spend a couple of perfect afternoons outside in the sun playing cards.

Even though I managed to catch a cold while we were away, I've been feeling much better overall the last week or two. I'm still tired often, but I feel like a human being again and have been showering regularly and cooking my husband dinner in the evening. These may seem like small accomplishments, but Kevin and I are both excited to have me back. I've also been particularly enjoying food lately, almost any food. I never knew things could taste so good! A few days ago, I just couldn't stop gushing about how delicious my cottage cheese was. Kevin looked at me incredulously and said, "But you've been to Italy!" He couldn't believe that my cottage cheese tasted even better than the amazing food we experienced in Florence. But it really did!

We're leaving early tomorrow morning for Arizona. I'll tell you all about it next Thursday after we get back. For now I have to lay down and think about how quickly 4am will come.

Christmas in Missouri was wonderful. It went by more quickly than I expected, but it was so, so good to be home. I'm going to fly home in March so that I have more time to visit and play cards. This trip was so busy! There were four days and three Christmases, which made for a lot of big family events. It was great to see everyone, but I feel like I got to wave and smile and then I was gone.

Because the holidays wore me out, I've given myself a break and have done absolutely nothing for two whole days. It's been glorious. I plan to continue this pattern until we leave for Arizona at the end of the week, though I may have to make exceptions for laundry and cooking.

The picture above is our whole family - not often are we all gathered in one place. It's hard to believe there will be two new little faces in our picture next year!

Finals are done and I'm headed for Missouri...

I took this picture on Thursday, just as the snow was beginning to fall.  We had another big storm last night that left a chilly layer of snow and ice on everything.  They're just now clearing off the roads and I don't even want to think about how much work it will be to dig out our car tomorrow.  The weather has been a great excuse to stay warm and snuggled in on the couch, watching the sleet and snow from the windows.  I thought it would be a great excuse to get down to business with my textbooks but it just didn't work out that way.  Kevin's officially on vacation and has two weeks off!   We celebrated by making dinner together and watching While You Were Sleeping (which I still think is a Christmas movie even though he disagrees).  He also took me on a long walk to try to get some exercise before the storm hit.  He had me hustling so fast because he was cold that by the time we got back to the apartment I had already taken off most of my cold weather gear.  He still insists he couldn't feel any extremeties by the time we got back.  He is definitely an Arizona boy.

Nothing much to report here.  I have one more week of school - finals week.  I only have three finals, so it really shouldn't be too bad.  I am struggling with motivation to study because I feel like this semester has been about twelve years too long and I'm rapidly running out of energy.  What energy I have had, I've been devoting to productive but un-school related activities such as finishing up crafts for Christmas.  The idea for making Christmas gifts seemed like such a good one (and I still stand by it) but I didn't realize how much work it was going to be!  I'm almost there, though, just a couple of things to finish up.  

And that's about it.  That and counting down the days until we're in Missouri...     

Drinking hot tea, listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing "Baby, it's Cold Outside," and watching big flakes of snow fall prettily out my window.  It turned out to be a pretty good day.

It's officially winter here.  Not only is it shockingly cold, but this morning we had our first snow.  Yesterday to celebrate the official beginning of December, I put up our little Christmas tree and stockings.  In about an hour, I'm leaving to parktake in further winter festivities.  A local park is having a crafting celebration where you can make your own wreaths and dip your own candles.  A few of us from the nursing school are going and though it will be very cold, I think it's worth getting bundled up for.

Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. There were a lot of people, but everyone brought a delicious dish so there was more than enough food for everyone. Mary and Skyler hosted, and she baked a beautiful turkey - not bad for a gal that was a vegetarian for ten years prior to moving to Connecticut! After eating, there was lots of talking, playing board games, and feeling contented. The day after Thanksgiving, we reunited for leftovers and to showcase our various talents. I played a duet on the piano with two hands and a foot. From various other participants, there was banjo playing, reciting the first 100 digits of pi (!!!), dog tricks, joke telling, ballet dancing, reciting the alphabet backwards and of course stupid human tricks (MK can touch her shoulders together!!). It was an amazing evening fueled by good company and just the right amount of wine.

Yale/Harvard 2007

  


Well, I wish I could say it was as good as last year, but not only were we freezing, our guys were just embarassing.  At one point, Harvard threw a terrible pass and one of our guys caught it, tripped, and handed it to another Harvard player.  Like, "oh my gosh, you guys almost let us get the ball!  Here, take it, score another touchdown!"  

At the end of the third quarter, I couldn't feel my hands or my feet and I was exhausted, so I called it a day.  I hear things didn't get much better, so I'm glad I spent the rest of my afternoon tucked in on my couch.  At least the tailgating before hand was fun!

This afternoon I was overcome by an overwhelming longing to be home.  More specifically, to be eating breakfast at my Grandma Mary's green round table, my dad across from me reading the Sunday paper in his PJs.  I wanted to see my grandma's worn bible at her place and hear her familiar voice floating in from the kitchen.  I wanted it so badly, tears came to my eyes.

Then I remembered my parent's living room at Christmas time, all of us in our pajamas, though Dad always cheated and took a shower before donning his robe.  My mom would make something special for breakfast and we'd open presents while my Dad made balls out of wrapping paper and launched them at us.  We'd all try out our presents or maybe watch one of the new family DVDs and then Mom would get out the Christmas china and we'd have lunch, the five of us, in the fancy dining room.  

Then there was Thanksgiving at Grandmom and Granddad's house, my favorite holiday.  The food was always awesome, of course, but the best part of the whole day is playing cards all afternoon in the dining room.  In between games or if it's a while before your turn, you sneak off to get yet another tiny sliver of pumpkin pie.  The secret to a great Thanksgiving is to eat just a little lunch so you can have a piece of pie every hour until dinner.  Now that's a holiday!  The best present I ever received was June before we left for Connecticut, my family threw me my own little summer Thanksgiving, complete with my Grandmom's delicious pumpkin chiffon pie (mmmmmm....) and playing cards until the men were groaning that it was time to go home.  

I guess you could say I'm a little homesick.  I was always pretty sure I wouldn't live my grown-up life in Missouri but part of me assumed I'd somehow pack up my family and taken them with me.  I love getting frequent updates but it's a little bittersweet because it just doesn't seem fair that I can't be here and there at the same time.  I see pictures of everyone laughing and eating cake and I think, "shouldn't I be there?"  I'm tired of missing birthdays and holidays and family dinners!  Well, this year I put my foot down.  We've done a Christmas with Kevin's family in Arizona.  We've done a Christmas apart when I was on a cruise with my family.  We've done a Christmas just the two of us in New Haven.  And now it is time for a Christmas in Missouri!  Vacation has been confirmed, plane tickets have been purchased, now it's just a waiting game.

So, is it Christmas yet?

Kevin's parent's made it out this past weekend and we had a nice visit.  They stayed with us, which was a little crowded in our tiny apartment, but we made out ok.  They had never been here before and they were excited to see Yale and New Haven.  Unfortunately, it got pretty cold while they were here, so we didn't spend much time walking outside.  We did have one nice day though, and went down to the beach in Milford and walked on the shore for a while.   Sunday we went down to Mystic and had a nice time exploring the "village" of little shops.   Overall it was a nice long weekend and they were already talking about coming back in the summer so they can explore the east coast a little more.

A couple of weeks ago, I started working the perfect job.  I have known for a while that it probably was a good idea for me to make a little extra money this year.  Several of my classmates got jobs at the hospital working as student nurses.  While the hours are flexible and the pay is alright, the thought of working 12 hour shifts taking vital signs and cleaning up body fluids was less than appealing.  A few weeks ago, an ad floated around the nursing school email about a new mother looking for a little baby break a few days a week so she could get some writing done.  I impulsively emailed her and I'm so glad I did.  

I started last week as a nanny for this precious 4 month old little boy.  They live on the ocean in a nearby town, so I'm able to get out of New Haven and rock this little chubkins while looking at the water.  It's a welcome break from nursing and I very much prefer it to a job working at the hospital.  I am still dealing with body fluids, but they're pint sized portions and at least I get a break from vital signs!

Would you like to hear something gross?  My apartment.  What, that doesn't sound gross?  That's because you can't see it.  Let me assure you, it's not a pretty sight.  Why do things get dirty again just as soon as I clean them?  I mean I cleaned the bathroom like....  two months ago.  Oh.  That might be part of the problem.   Time moves so quickly when I'm not cleaning and ever so slowly when I am...

What'd you say?  My in-laws will be on my doorstep in one week?  From today?  Oh, that's ok, I plan on cloning myself at least five times before then.  

Today is a day filled with midterms, which means I'm officially halfway through this semester. I have always felt that October is a long stretch in school and coming to the end of it feels like such an accomplishment! Before I know it, it will be Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and then a long much-deserved break before spring semester. My first specialty year has brought with it some challenges but over all, I feel much more comfortable here this time around. Maybe I do belong here. Maybe I will make a good nurse practitioner. Maybe this is what I'm supposed to be doing!

I am looking forward to next semester, when I'll get to be in clinical practicing all the information I've learned so far in a much more hands on way. For now though, I'm enjoying where I am now, the beautiful fall, and the extra time I have to get a little sewing done.

Our hunt for the perfect pumpkin this year turned into quite an adventure since we failed to check the closing time before driving out to the farm.  We got there five minutes before closing time, which means there was a mad dash through the thoroughly picked over pumpkin patch. You can see the triumph in their faces, can't you?  
Afterwards we had an awesome carving party.  I will post a picture of my very scary pumpkin just as soon as I light it up and take one.

Yesterday, a friend and I went on an adventure to the beach in Milford.  It was a perfect day for it.    The sun was out and the air was just starting to smell crisp and delicious.  We found many interesting things by the water, but the strangest thing by far was this placenta-like jellyfish:


Notice that it's bigger than her hand.  Isn't that gross and fascinating?!  And doesn't it look exactly like a placenta?  If you don't know what a placenta looks like, Google Image it and you'll get an eye full.  Then all you will be able to think about is how much this jellyfish looks like all those pictures.  Seriously.  

On our way home, we stopped by the JoAnn's superstore and spent a couple of hours there.  In light of the outrageous travel expenses this holiday season, we're making a lot of our Christmas gifts this year.   It will give me something productive to do when I need a study break and homemade gifts means you love someone, right?  Also, it's fun.  No need to worry about receiving any decorative knit bunnies, though.  I'm doing my best to make presents that I think that particular person will like and get some use out of.  Rest easy, family!

Did you ever have a moment that just seemed so bizarre you wondered how you ever ended up there?  I experienced just such a moment earlier today while conducting my first prostate exam.  Five years ago, I never could have imagined myself paying tens of thousands of dollars in order to learn how to properly stick my finger up a strange man's backside.  Sometimes life is so weird.

I've been a very busy girl lately, and it doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. I spent most of my weekend pouring over books, trying to at least catch up to where I'm supposed to be and refreshing my math memory for my Statistics test. Sunday evening was soccer night at Sunday Sports and we had an awesome game in the park. Some guys from Russia joined in and then a friend from an earlier game showed up with his three kids and the four of them played with us, too. Having people from different programs and of different ages gave me a real sense of community. It was a little crowed with 19 of us, but it was worth it to feel good about this little city for a while.

Frail, exhausted, struggling
To be the father, the spouse, the friend.
Grasping old roles
To fill your empty hands.

Good hearts seek our your statistics.
In the fight to save your life
There are no people, only uniforms.
They are their scrubs; you are your gown.
It's nothing personal.


But I see you.
Not the chart or the tubes.
Not the harsh white sheets
Hanging on your bones.

I see your sacred blue eyes
Scared, lonely, proud.
I see your tanned face, wise lines set
From many good years.
All so out of place in this strange new world;
Seeking something familiar.

Rest easy.
You will be my friend, my spouse, my father.
Grasp my hand.

Breathe.

Tell me your story.

It's already exam season, which may be why my creative Fridays have already been stifled.  This weekend has been especially busy.  Friday, I rode in Critical Mass for the first time.  It's a huge bike ride that goes through the city at the end of every month.  It was awesome.  I wish I had taken my camera with me - I wasn't prepared to see so many bikes in one place!  It was a little surreal to be a part of something so big (and slow, by the way) but it was also pretty fun.  Afterwards, a few of us that had ridden together ended up having an impromptu dinner party at a nearby house.  I had to leave early because I had already committed to a birthday party, but I hear that Kevin stayed pretty late.

Yesterday was spent largely studying and practicing phyiscal
 assessment.  I took the evening off  because I had a date with Kevin.  He took me to a great dinner - the best we've had in New Haven - and then to the first play of our season passes, Richard II.  It was a long and a little depressing, but the acting was great and it was good to be out of the apartment together.

Today is mostly preparing for my test tomorrow and the assessment skills check off later in the week.  It's so nice to have a willing model in the apartment.  Whenever I need a break from the books, Kevin gets a physical exam (just head, neck, heart, and lungs though since that's all we've learned).  
 

After Kevin and I watched the video I posted Monday, we really started getting an itch from the travel bug.  Do you know there are deals online to travel the world for $999?  (Granted, their idea of "the world" is two continents.) Still, it might make a nice little three month break after I graduate...

Where the Hell is Matt?

There won't be any creative writing today because I have a test on Tuesday and really ought to be thinking more about HEENT than stories.   There will be a quick update, though.

Kevin had a couple of dental procedures done this week and now has to wear mouthgear at night.  I'd never have believed it, but I think mouthgear is kinda cute.  

I had a slight scare this week that kind of jump started me back into study mode.  I was being arrogant and careless and failed something I shouldn't have.  Until I thought  I might lose it, I never realized I wanted to be here so badly.  I know Kevin hates New Haven, but I love living here right now.  I would also kind of like that degree I'm paying so much money for.  Lucky for me, the professor was extremely understanding and I'm in the clear.  It gave me an excellent reason to kick study mode into high gear.

So, anyone need an earache assessed?  A sore throat?  Swollen glands?  Give me a call...  I need the practice.

I kept telling myself how much easier this semester was going to be and I was shocked to find myself with more reading than I would ever want to do in a weekend.  I want to be a good nurse practitioner and I know I'm going to love my job.  I'm just not sure I'm going to love all the time I'll be spending with my books in the next two years.  Specialty years may be more interesting because it's more focused on what I'm going to be doing, but I've discovered it also involves a lot of studying.  Did you know that to diagnose someone with an illness, it's necessary to know all the kinds of illnesses that are out there?  That's crazy!  I'd better get to work.

We had our apartment complex BBQ today.   It was raining this morning and I was a little worried (I went apple picking with some nurses and we almost froze!) but by the afternoon it was sunny and beautiful.  We had a pretty good turnout - I met lots of interesting people, but we were so busy churning out burgers, we didn't get much time to talk to them.  Now that faces are more familiar, maybe there will be more visiting in the future.

I'm a little exhausted and I'd really like to collapse into bed.  I know I should probably hit the books for a while, but I promised a friend I would stop by her house party (she just bought one - yay!) and while I don't relish the thought of her neighborhood at night, a promise is a promise, right?  

Most Useful Advice I've Received about Marraige:

It's ok to go to bed angry if it keeps you from saying something you shouldn't.  Things always look better in the morning.  

Make time to go on a date together every week, even if it's just renting a movie.


Most Successful Self-Improvement Projects:

In the last year, I've made a conscious effort to smile more.   People are friendlier.  

In the last month, I started riding my bike instead of driving.  I feel more awake.

Just wanted to write a quick post to say I am really diving into classes this semester.  It turns out I am pretty excited to learn how to be an NP.  The professors this year are enthusiastic and engaging - which makes it a whole lot easier to learn.  The textbooks aren't bad either - I'm actually reading them for the first time in my life.  Imagine that!  

The second piece of good news is that I got into the medical Spanish class.  It will be great if I move to Arizona, but even out here I've encountered a lot of Spanish speaking patients.   I'll be starting that next week - hopefully I'll learn as much from it as I've been learning from my other classes... 

         I was never afraid of spiders. They eat insects, keeping the house a little tidier. They make homes for themselves as beautiful and intricate as any work of art. And sometimes, if they’re named Charlotte, they save cute little pigs from slaughter. What is there to fear?
         A lot, as it turns out. Have you ever actually been bitten by a spider? Do you know what those clever little beasties can do? They look small, sure, but their tiny teeth pack some serious punch.
         My first experience with a spider bite was personal. I was out backpacking with three boys in high school. Two of them shared a tent, the third had his own. It was a warm, lovely weekend so I decided to go without a tent. That was my first mistake.
         After the boys went to bed, I read for a while by the light of my flashlight and then slipped off into that deep sleep that a good hike and a warm campfire will give you. I woke suddenly with a sharp pain on my face. I had no idea how long I’d been asleep. I reached up a felt a welt on my lower lip. This was not good. I didn’t think anything could be worse than the stinging pain. I was wrong.
         It started to go numb. The tingling sensation spread quickly from my lip over my left cheek and down my neck. I jumped of the sleeping bag, terrified. I grabbed my flashlight and started surveying the area for anything that could have caused this.
         I saw an angry black spider in my sleeping bag and I promptly killed it. That was my second mistake. Here’s a tip for you: If you are bitten by a spider, especially one that causes any part of your body to go numb, you should capture it and take it with you to the emergency room. That way, they will be able to identify it and treat you appropriately.
         I was not thinking of this at the time. Since the spider was dead, I wasn’t sure what to do next. Should I slowly wait for death? Should I be saying prayers? Was there some kind of medicine I should be taking? Why had we hiked so far in? I needed answers to all of these questions. I walked over to the tent of the boy sleeping alone. Let’s call him Sean, since that’s his name. I shook his tent a little. Then a little more.
         “Sean,” I said, trying to keep my voice quiet but finding it difficult seeing as how these were probably my last few minutes on this earth. “Sean!”
         I finally got him awake and made him aware of the situation. He pulled out his emergency guide for campers, packed in among sixteen bottles of Purell. I thought surely, this guy would have my answer.
         Once again, I was wrong. So very wrong. “It doesn’t really say much about spider bites. What kind of spider was it?
         I was losing my patience. “I don’t know.”
         “Well, I could try to suck the poison out…”
         “No.”
         “Well, then I’m going back to bed.”
         And so I sat, alone, reading my book, praying a little, trying not to fall asleep, just in case. It was a very long night, but the good news is that in the morning, I was still very much alive. This may be obvious to you since I’m telling you this story today, but at the time, this was a great and wonderful surprise.
         The moral of the story is, though spiders can be helpful and are capable of making lovely little houses, don’t be tricked. They may care about saving Wilbur from the slaughter but that doesn’t mean they give a hoot about you.

Update in Pictures

Over the weekend, we stayed with my friend's parents. They live on a small island off the coast of Maine. There are no cars on the island (it's really not big enough to need them) and it feels like stepping back in time. The photo above is their backyard. That little path goes down to the beach. Can you think of a more lovely place to spend a long weekend?

We took those kayacks around this island. The water was calm, the land was beautiful. I was in heaven.

This is my new haircut for the three people that would care to see it. It's a "stacked bob." The stylist said she saved me from another boring bob. It looks exactly the same to me.

And finally, my quilt! Isn't it cute? I'm very proud of this one.

My first official day of classes was today. I had my first Principles of Aging class today and I lucked out - it's awesome! I had to buy textbooks for the first time since coming here and guess what? It was not so awesome. I think it will be good for me to start building a resource library though, so I'm trying to see it as money well invested.

I've decided that I need to do more creative writing. About a year ago, I bought a book about blogging because I thought it would help me in this area. I have not used it once. Since my semester is a little light this fall (with no clinical), I'm going to give myself a writing assignment from this book every Friday. And you lucky ducks get to read it, if you're so inclined. I promise nothing good, but I'm hoping it will get my writing juices flowing again. I might need them in the next couple of years...

Our orientation day was today.  It went well, though I didn't learn anything earth-shattering, or even interesting, really.  I still don't know what time my classes are next week.  I guess I should probably get that figured out before too long.  

It was really good to see everyone today.  I didn't realize how much I missed some of those girls until I saw their faces at orientation today.  Tonight we're going to Shakespeare in the Park (they do two plays every summer; it's the Three Musketeers tonight!).  I'm roasting up some honey glazed peanuts to take with us.  They're not doing so well.  I didn't measure (I never do and it often gets me in trouble) and I think I put on way too much butter because they're getting a little soggy.

Kevin and I are going away for the weekend, just not together.  He's going to Arizona and I'm going to Maine.  I think we'll both have fun.

I've had a lovely week of vacation, not doing much besides quilting and watching movies.  I did go to Shakespeare in the Park, which was better than ever.  They're putting on two productions this summer: As You Like It and The Three Muskateers, so I need to go back sometime soon and see the other.  This year they added singing and dancing to Shakespeare's work, which I thought really captured the spirit of the play.  It was enchanting.  

School starts up again on Wednesday.  I've got mixed feelings about it.  On one hand, who wants to get up early and deal with the stress of studying and homework?  On the other hand, there's something exciting about starting a new semester.  I've got all kinds of resolutions to be studious and organized and even though I know I won't keep them, I enjoy them just the same.  I'm especially excited about starting my specialty year because I feel I will spend more time learning about things that are interesting to me.  I have one class called "Principles of Aging" which I am looking forward to.

I'm hoping to finish up the top of my quilt befeore classes begin, but I've got some loose ends to tie up the next few days (dentist and hair appointments, etc) while I still have time, so we'll see how it goes...

My trip home was wonderful.  I got to see all my family (especially that little stinker nephew of mine who refuses to stop growing when I'm not there).  Over the weekend, we drove up to St. Louis to go to a wedding.  Almost all of my good friends from college were there, some of whom I hadn't seen since my own wedding.  Our little mini-reunion was fantastic; we met up after the wedding a reprised an old favorite - Apples to Apples.  

I've added some pictures below - the goats (there were 11) are from my sister's ranch.  

       

Amber and I had an awesome trip.  Our first day was probably our best day.  We drove into Portland, ME and ate at a delicious chowder house before roaming the streets and checking out the cute little homes.  We then headed down to Cape Elizabeth to our favorite spot of the whole trip -  Fort Williams Park.  There were hardly any people and it was gorgeous.  We dipped our feet into the northern waters for the first (and last!) time.  It's like ice!  We hung out in Cape Elizabeth for a while, checking out a few lighthouses before headed into Brunswick for the night.  Brunswick is a tiny town that is the home of the state's best lobster roll - yummy!

Our second day was pretty good, too.  We were driving to Bar Harbor when we noticed a botanical garden sign, so we took a detour to Boothsbay, where we explored Maine Coastal Botanical Gardens, which was lovely.  After spending a couple of hours walking through, we were hungry.  They had a great little cafe where they served food grown in their garden.  It was the best veggie wrap I've ever had. We continued onto Bar Harbor, a really cute coastal town with unique shops all along the water.  We ate there and checked out the stores.  We booked a whale watching tour for the next morning where they guarantee to see whales.  We were extremely excited.  We headed to the hotel after dinner exhausted.  Around ten, a huge storm came through.  Maine storms are different from midwest storms.  It's defeaning and then it's deathly quiet and then defeaning again.  There was a bout in the middle of the storm where there wa sno thunder and rain, just lightening and lots of it.  About half an hour after it started, the power got cut from our room.  First Amber got scared, then I got scared, then she got more scared because I was scared....  It was a vicious, scary circle.  Fortunately, we had our cell phones to use as flashlights and also to use to call people bigger and stronger than we are.  Eventually the power came back and we were able to settle down to sleep.

On our third day, we were supposed to be at the boat dock at 8am for the whale tour.  The weather had cleared up nicely, and we were really excited.  We arrived at the place early and found out the tour had been cancelled because the storm was still out on the water and the boat tour goes thirty miles out into the ocean.  We were pretty bummed - we had anticipated the whales to be the highlight of the trip.  We piled back into the car and headed over to Acadia National Park.  We thought if we saw a moose, it would make up for not seeing whales.  Thus commenced the Great Moosehunt 2007.  This, too, was unsuccessful.  We went down tiny little gravel roads to deserted marshlands, far from the populated areas of the park.  We walked down to ponds and waited, but we did not see a single moose.  

We gave up and returned to Bar Harbor to eat at the Thirsty Whale and console ourselves with some ice cream.  We did a little souvenir shopping and then decided we had seen what we wanted to see in Maine.  We hopped onto I-95 and took off for our next destination - Salem.  Amber had been interested in seeing it while she was over on the east coast so we figured we might as well hit it up on our way home.  I am so glad we did.  The Witch Muesem was kind of beyond words.  It was the strangest meusem I've ever seen.  There were no historical artifacts of any kind - just wax figures that they used to put on a production with scary music and lighting and voice overs.   It was melodramatic, as we had been warned it would be by our guidebook, but it was also so much fun.  Salem is a cute little town, with all kinds of specialty shops and cobblestone streets.  We wandered around until dark, and then drove back to New Haven.   

All in all, it was a great trip.  I posted some pictures below.  

Kevin and I went blueberry picking on a farm in central Connecticut.   The land was beautiful, but the weather was hot and muggy, so we didn't stay too long.

I officially finished my GEPN year last Friday, which is a relief and sort of sad at the same time.  We separate into specialties in the fall, and though I know I'll still see my friends, it won't be the same.  All of the girls that I've grown close to are in different specialties.  It will be strange not having them in all my classes anymore.  We'll just have to make more of an effort to see each other outside of class, I guess.  

This is my first weekday off since finishing and I'm already bored.  Good thing Amber's coming tomorrow.  We're driving up to Maine later in the week, a trip we've been planning since I got my acceptance letter last February.  The day after she flies back to Mo, Kevin and I hop on a plane and fly out for a week in Springfield.  I've been a little homesick lately; I think this trip will do me good.
 

Kevin and I had a great time at Block Island.  We rented bikes and rode up to the top of the island.  The further we got from the harbor, the more the roads cleared of cars and people.  The beaches were beautiful and almost deserted.  The sand was soft and clean and the ocean was clear.  At the tip of the island, a strip of land stretched between the ocean and a lake creating a marshland that held nothing but a lighthouse.  It was a perfect escape from school and New Haven.

Kevin's been on nights the past few weeks, which really messes up my schedule.  I seem to stay up to late on the nights he's home and then I'm sleepy all day.  

Everything else has been pretty low key.  I got a bike last week, which I've been enjoying very much.  It's faster than driving in this town.  Kevin and I have been sharing it and we like it so much that we've planned a day trip to Block Island.  We're going to take the ferry over and then rent bikes and ride around the island.  I've been wanting to make it out there this summer - it's supposed to be beautiful.

I started my community health rotation last Thursday.  We'll be going about 40 hours a week for the next three weeks.  The organization was created and is run by nuns, which I find incredibly soothing.   The main building is on a 14 acre farm which the sisters built and landscaped themselves.  There are all kinds of gardens and flowers and big shady trees to sit under.  It's so pretty there it doesn't quite feel like a real place.

I have always suspected home care would be a passion of mine and I've thought before that it seems a lot less expensive and more reasonable than nursing homes.  Fortunately, the government recently discovered that home care would save them millions of dollars over nursing homes if they invested in programs to keep elders healthy!  I can't wait to graduate and become a part of this brand new system (it just started this month!).  I know the goverment is primarily seeing dollar signs, but think about all the other benefits.  How great would it be for our elder population to be able to live the rest of their lives in their own homes?  Many older adults' greatest fear is being taken out of their homes and put into a long term care facility.  With this new program, that would only happen if they required 24 hour care.    

I'm still not sure exactly what kind of position I want when I graduate.  I want to spend a lot of time with patients and build relationships with people as a primary caregiver.  But I also want to work at a corporate level, helping to create programs that improve quality of life for large groups of older adults.  Since my junior year in college, I have wanted to make a program that would bring together afterschool care for children and assisted living facilities for older adults.  There was a program like this in Kirksville, Mo and the benefits to both populations were significant in a study one of my professors did.  The children loved the one on one attention from the adults and the adults loved playing games with the children.  Wouldn't it be great if this type of program were everywhere?  

Ok, off my soapbox now to talk about my weekend.  I went to the beach with a friend yesterday morning.  She wanted to go for prime sun time (when you're NOT supposed to go out) and that time actually worked best for me, too, so I slathered SPF 55 all over.  Or so I thought.  I came home and my armpits are fried!  I never would have thought to put suscreen there, but let me tell you - I won't forget again any time soon!    Later last night, that same friend and some others came over and we attempted to make our own sushi.  Everyone brought a different ingredient to put in the rolls.  There were cucumbers, carrots, sweet potato, shrimp, squash, and avacado, even kimchee.  It was fun to do, but only okay to taste.  After the dishes were done (I love having these girls over!)  we watched V for Vendetta, a movie Kevin loves but I do not like.  Last night confirmed my opinion and the group of girls were split evenly over it.  We all made fun of it the whole way through but in the end it turned out some of them liked it as much as Kevin did!  I guess it's one of thoses movies you either love or hate.

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days - my computer has been having some troubles.  My Internet Explorer is still busted, so right now I'm trying to do this through another browser which isn't 100% compatable with Blogger.  We'll see how it goes.

First of all - I finished my classes!  Better yet, I passed everything!  It got a little rough there at the end - a 20 page paper didn't come together quite as planned - but it all worked out in the end.  Tomorrow I start my last GEPN rotation - community health.  Home care and hospice 40 hours a week for three weeks.  I'm looking forward to it because this is the area I'd like to go into when I graduate.

Second of all, I haven't mentioned it yet, but they've been filming Indiana Jones IV right here at Yale!  It's been very exciting, though the traffic delays are pretty annoying.  They completely redid downtown so it looks like 1957.  A few of my nursing school friends are even in the movie as extras!  I can't wait to see them on the big screen!  

Kevin's parents had to cancel their trip at the last minute, unfortunately, so we didn't get to visit with them as planned.  To make it up to Kevin, we spent a day on the town on Sunday.  We walked down to a pub for a late lunch, walked over to the movie theatre to see Oceans Thirteen and then walked through downtown to look at the movie set.  As we were walking, I told Kevin we should eat somewhere really fancy so that we could maybe see Harrison Ford.  We laughed and decided that would be silly (not to mention expensive) so we went to a little Spanish restaurant we've been wanting to try.  Halfway through our meal, guess who got seated at the table next to us?  Harrison Ford of course!!!!  With Calista Flockheart (who cares?) .  I was so excited I could hardly finish dessert.  It was surreal because I knew his voice so well he didn't seem like a stranger.  I had to remind myself he was so I wouldn't run up and give him a hug.  What a great ending to a great day!!

I finished the Superman quilt! This is very exciting since I've been working on it for over a year. I think for my next one I'm going to try a little more complicated pattern. I've been looking through my quilting book for ideas and there's a gorgeous fan pattern I might use.

Saturday night we had a lovely little potluck over at our place. Several people are going out of state for community rotation - most will be gone until next semester. It was really nice to visit with some of the girls before they left for the summer.

Kevin and I spent Sunday at Hammonasett beach. We had a nice little picnic by the water and spent the afternoon reading and napping in the sun.

Today brought another spontaneous trip to the beach, this time with some other students. We went to Silver Sands in Milford, which was beautiful. It was by far the prettiest beach I've seen since coming to the east coast. The weather was perfect, nice and hot with a cool breeze. It wasn't very crowded, being Monday afternoon, so we had great views of the water and islands. There were tiny little birds hatching on the beach and wandering around next to us. We even spent a little time studying for our last final on Wednesday.

The last few days have been really relaxing. School is winding down and I feel like summer is finally here.

We bought a wine rack yesterday.  I feel like our living room is finally complete.  The empty wall to the right of the entrance has bothered me since we moved here.  

I spent most of today quilting.  I just have the edging left to finish!  It's going to be hard to let this one go; I've put a lot of hours into it.  

It's almost time for my favorite part of the week - Wed sports!  We're playing kickball this week.  It had rained all day, but the sun just came out, just in time.

I got no studying in over the weekend, which means I had a pretty good one. Saturday, the beach party I was going to got rained out, so I ended up at an indoor potluck, which turned out to be just as nice. Sunday we went strawberry picking! I'm the top picture, Mary's hard at work in the bottom picture. It was really hot out in the sun, but it was worth it. Five pounds of strawberries for $5! We also got to sit in the shade and eat some before we weighed in. Delicious...

I saw a birth today! It was amazing and gross and fascinating. I wish I could write about it. I learned so much.

We celebrated Kevin's birthday today even though it's not technically until Wednesday. I got him the first season of Entourage, which he seemed to like:

Then we drove out to Water's Edge and enjoyed the famous and delicious gourmet brunch. The food was awesome and we had a great view of the ocean as we ate. This was the gazebo between the restaurant and the beach.

Everything else is going well. School is trucking along. Labor and delivery is very boring so far. I haven't even seen a woman in labor yet. Hopefully next week there will be more going on. I only have four days on that floor and I'd like to see something before I go. I had an outpatient experience at a community clinic in Meridan and I loved it. I've been thinking for a while that hospital work isn't something I'm suited for. They were really busy at the clinic, so we got to call people back and do initial assessments. It was so much different from the hospital. Now that I've seen a little bit of primary care, I want to see more! I'm hoping my community health rotation in July will be similar to the clinic. After graduation I can see myself working in a community setting. The more I see the more I realize that if I'm going to be the best I can be at my job, I need to start learning Spanish! At the clinic, many of the patients spoke little to no English and I would imagine in Arizona, language barriers will be even more common.

We're making preparations for Kevin's parents to visit. They get here the last week of June, the weekend before 4th of July. We'll probably visit Boston while they're here, a request from Dave. It will be nice to see the city when it's not freezing cold. Kevin's dad loves history, and I do too, so at least we'll want to see the same things. I just hope it's not too hot to walk the Freedom Trail. That's something I really wanted to do last time we were there.

Well, yesterday was awesome. I spent a large portion of the day at the beach, soaking up some sun. The friend I went with came over for a quick meal before soccer. We didn't plan on this and as soon as we walked in the door I realized how gross the place was and really regretted not cleaning it. I also regretted not warning Kevin someone was coming over. As soon as the front door opened he walked out of the office in his underwear. I thought it was pretty funny (you should have seen him jump!) but he did not agree.

After our meal, it was soccer time. A lot of people came and it was so much fun! I forgot to reapply sunscreen, so I did get a little burnt, and I think all of us may get poison ivy because the ball rolled into a huge patch of it, but it was worth it. It was that fun. We played for a couple of hours before we had to leave so Kevin could get to work on time.

I leave in an hour or so for my outpatient experience in Hartford. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a big waste of time, but it brings me one step closer to graduating so off I go.

It's June and school is still in session. I feel like I've hit a groove as far as studying goes, so I don't worry about school stuff as much. My stress is not as low as I think it is, though, because I've been having some weird palpatations that I'm sure are anxiety related. My doctor thinks so too, but wants to be absolutely sure, so this Wednesday I have to go get a Holter monitor hooked up to me. It's basically a portable EKG that I have to wear for 24 hours. I just found out this afternoon what day I have to wear it and it happens to be a day I planned on going to the beach with a friend. Awesome. I'll just have to wear shorts and a t-shirt because I'm 99% sure bathing suits and EKGs don't mix.

I've decided I'm going to try to update regularly again. No promises, but I will try!

The midterm went fine; I have another on Monday. When classes are only six weeks long, there's always a midterm or a final hovering over us. It's nice to have things change every few weeks - there's not much time to get bored with a class. On the other hand, you have to know your stuff and know it quickly!

I've been on the maternity floor the past three weeks. All the tiny sweet precious babies have made my desire to have a baby explode. It doesn't help that I found out in the last week that two of my three sister-in-laws are pregnant! I'm going to be on labor and delivery the next three weeks - I'm hoping the more painful side of birth will save me. Luckily, Kevin's holding strong that we should wait at least another year. Whenever I start thinking about how nice it would be to have a little baby in my arms, I try to think of having a teenager in my house and that clears things up pretty quick.

It's another steaming hot day out. I need to study, but I'm thinking I may end up studying at the beach...