Kevin and I had a great time at Block Island.  We rented bikes and rode up to the top of the island.  The further we got from the harbor, the more the roads cleared of cars and people.  The beaches were beautiful and almost deserted.  The sand was soft and clean and the ocean was clear.  At the tip of the island, a strip of land stretched between the ocean and a lake creating a marshland that held nothing but a lighthouse.  It was a perfect escape from school and New Haven.

Kevin's been on nights the past few weeks, which really messes up my schedule.  I seem to stay up to late on the nights he's home and then I'm sleepy all day.  

Everything else has been pretty low key.  I got a bike last week, which I've been enjoying very much.  It's faster than driving in this town.  Kevin and I have been sharing it and we like it so much that we've planned a day trip to Block Island.  We're going to take the ferry over and then rent bikes and ride around the island.  I've been wanting to make it out there this summer - it's supposed to be beautiful.

I started my community health rotation last Thursday.  We'll be going about 40 hours a week for the next three weeks.  The organization was created and is run by nuns, which I find incredibly soothing.   The main building is on a 14 acre farm which the sisters built and landscaped themselves.  There are all kinds of gardens and flowers and big shady trees to sit under.  It's so pretty there it doesn't quite feel like a real place.

I have always suspected home care would be a passion of mine and I've thought before that it seems a lot less expensive and more reasonable than nursing homes.  Fortunately, the government recently discovered that home care would save them millions of dollars over nursing homes if they invested in programs to keep elders healthy!  I can't wait to graduate and become a part of this brand new system (it just started this month!).  I know the goverment is primarily seeing dollar signs, but think about all the other benefits.  How great would it be for our elder population to be able to live the rest of their lives in their own homes?  Many older adults' greatest fear is being taken out of their homes and put into a long term care facility.  With this new program, that would only happen if they required 24 hour care.    

I'm still not sure exactly what kind of position I want when I graduate.  I want to spend a lot of time with patients and build relationships with people as a primary caregiver.  But I also want to work at a corporate level, helping to create programs that improve quality of life for large groups of older adults.  Since my junior year in college, I have wanted to make a program that would bring together afterschool care for children and assisted living facilities for older adults.  There was a program like this in Kirksville, Mo and the benefits to both populations were significant in a study one of my professors did.  The children loved the one on one attention from the adults and the adults loved playing games with the children.  Wouldn't it be great if this type of program were everywhere?  

Ok, off my soapbox now to talk about my weekend.  I went to the beach with a friend yesterday morning.  She wanted to go for prime sun time (when you're NOT supposed to go out) and that time actually worked best for me, too, so I slathered SPF 55 all over.  Or so I thought.  I came home and my armpits are fried!  I never would have thought to put suscreen there, but let me tell you - I won't forget again any time soon!    Later last night, that same friend and some others came over and we attempted to make our own sushi.  Everyone brought a different ingredient to put in the rolls.  There were cucumbers, carrots, sweet potato, shrimp, squash, and avacado, even kimchee.  It was fun to do, but only okay to taste.  After the dishes were done (I love having these girls over!)  we watched V for Vendetta, a movie Kevin loves but I do not like.  Last night confirmed my opinion and the group of girls were split evenly over it.  We all made fun of it the whole way through but in the end it turned out some of them liked it as much as Kevin did!  I guess it's one of thoses movies you either love or hate.

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days - my computer has been having some troubles.  My Internet Explorer is still busted, so right now I'm trying to do this through another browser which isn't 100% compatable with Blogger.  We'll see how it goes.

First of all - I finished my classes!  Better yet, I passed everything!  It got a little rough there at the end - a 20 page paper didn't come together quite as planned - but it all worked out in the end.  Tomorrow I start my last GEPN rotation - community health.  Home care and hospice 40 hours a week for three weeks.  I'm looking forward to it because this is the area I'd like to go into when I graduate.

Second of all, I haven't mentioned it yet, but they've been filming Indiana Jones IV right here at Yale!  It's been very exciting, though the traffic delays are pretty annoying.  They completely redid downtown so it looks like 1957.  A few of my nursing school friends are even in the movie as extras!  I can't wait to see them on the big screen!  

Kevin's parents had to cancel their trip at the last minute, unfortunately, so we didn't get to visit with them as planned.  To make it up to Kevin, we spent a day on the town on Sunday.  We walked down to a pub for a late lunch, walked over to the movie theatre to see Oceans Thirteen and then walked through downtown to look at the movie set.  As we were walking, I told Kevin we should eat somewhere really fancy so that we could maybe see Harrison Ford.  We laughed and decided that would be silly (not to mention expensive) so we went to a little Spanish restaurant we've been wanting to try.  Halfway through our meal, guess who got seated at the table next to us?  Harrison Ford of course!!!!  With Calista Flockheart (who cares?) .  I was so excited I could hardly finish dessert.  It was surreal because I knew his voice so well he didn't seem like a stranger.  I had to remind myself he was so I wouldn't run up and give him a hug.  What a great ending to a great day!!

I finished the Superman quilt! This is very exciting since I've been working on it for over a year. I think for my next one I'm going to try a little more complicated pattern. I've been looking through my quilting book for ideas and there's a gorgeous fan pattern I might use.

Saturday night we had a lovely little potluck over at our place. Several people are going out of state for community rotation - most will be gone until next semester. It was really nice to visit with some of the girls before they left for the summer.

Kevin and I spent Sunday at Hammonasett beach. We had a nice little picnic by the water and spent the afternoon reading and napping in the sun.

Today brought another spontaneous trip to the beach, this time with some other students. We went to Silver Sands in Milford, which was beautiful. It was by far the prettiest beach I've seen since coming to the east coast. The weather was perfect, nice and hot with a cool breeze. It wasn't very crowded, being Monday afternoon, so we had great views of the water and islands. There were tiny little birds hatching on the beach and wandering around next to us. We even spent a little time studying for our last final on Wednesday.

The last few days have been really relaxing. School is winding down and I feel like summer is finally here.

We bought a wine rack yesterday.  I feel like our living room is finally complete.  The empty wall to the right of the entrance has bothered me since we moved here.  

I spent most of today quilting.  I just have the edging left to finish!  It's going to be hard to let this one go; I've put a lot of hours into it.  

It's almost time for my favorite part of the week - Wed sports!  We're playing kickball this week.  It had rained all day, but the sun just came out, just in time.

I got no studying in over the weekend, which means I had a pretty good one. Saturday, the beach party I was going to got rained out, so I ended up at an indoor potluck, which turned out to be just as nice. Sunday we went strawberry picking! I'm the top picture, Mary's hard at work in the bottom picture. It was really hot out in the sun, but it was worth it. Five pounds of strawberries for $5! We also got to sit in the shade and eat some before we weighed in. Delicious...

I saw a birth today! It was amazing and gross and fascinating. I wish I could write about it. I learned so much.

We celebrated Kevin's birthday today even though it's not technically until Wednesday. I got him the first season of Entourage, which he seemed to like:

Then we drove out to Water's Edge and enjoyed the famous and delicious gourmet brunch. The food was awesome and we had a great view of the ocean as we ate. This was the gazebo between the restaurant and the beach.

Everything else is going well. School is trucking along. Labor and delivery is very boring so far. I haven't even seen a woman in labor yet. Hopefully next week there will be more going on. I only have four days on that floor and I'd like to see something before I go. I had an outpatient experience at a community clinic in Meridan and I loved it. I've been thinking for a while that hospital work isn't something I'm suited for. They were really busy at the clinic, so we got to call people back and do initial assessments. It was so much different from the hospital. Now that I've seen a little bit of primary care, I want to see more! I'm hoping my community health rotation in July will be similar to the clinic. After graduation I can see myself working in a community setting. The more I see the more I realize that if I'm going to be the best I can be at my job, I need to start learning Spanish! At the clinic, many of the patients spoke little to no English and I would imagine in Arizona, language barriers will be even more common.

We're making preparations for Kevin's parents to visit. They get here the last week of June, the weekend before 4th of July. We'll probably visit Boston while they're here, a request from Dave. It will be nice to see the city when it's not freezing cold. Kevin's dad loves history, and I do too, so at least we'll want to see the same things. I just hope it's not too hot to walk the Freedom Trail. That's something I really wanted to do last time we were there.

Well, yesterday was awesome. I spent a large portion of the day at the beach, soaking up some sun. The friend I went with came over for a quick meal before soccer. We didn't plan on this and as soon as we walked in the door I realized how gross the place was and really regretted not cleaning it. I also regretted not warning Kevin someone was coming over. As soon as the front door opened he walked out of the office in his underwear. I thought it was pretty funny (you should have seen him jump!) but he did not agree.

After our meal, it was soccer time. A lot of people came and it was so much fun! I forgot to reapply sunscreen, so I did get a little burnt, and I think all of us may get poison ivy because the ball rolled into a huge patch of it, but it was worth it. It was that fun. We played for a couple of hours before we had to leave so Kevin could get to work on time.

I leave in an hour or so for my outpatient experience in Hartford. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a big waste of time, but it brings me one step closer to graduating so off I go.

It's June and school is still in session. I feel like I've hit a groove as far as studying goes, so I don't worry about school stuff as much. My stress is not as low as I think it is, though, because I've been having some weird palpatations that I'm sure are anxiety related. My doctor thinks so too, but wants to be absolutely sure, so this Wednesday I have to go get a Holter monitor hooked up to me. It's basically a portable EKG that I have to wear for 24 hours. I just found out this afternoon what day I have to wear it and it happens to be a day I planned on going to the beach with a friend. Awesome. I'll just have to wear shorts and a t-shirt because I'm 99% sure bathing suits and EKGs don't mix.

I've decided I'm going to try to update regularly again. No promises, but I will try!

The midterm went fine; I have another on Monday. When classes are only six weeks long, there's always a midterm or a final hovering over us. It's nice to have things change every few weeks - there's not much time to get bored with a class. On the other hand, you have to know your stuff and know it quickly!

I've been on the maternity floor the past three weeks. All the tiny sweet precious babies have made my desire to have a baby explode. It doesn't help that I found out in the last week that two of my three sister-in-laws are pregnant! I'm going to be on labor and delivery the next three weeks - I'm hoping the more painful side of birth will save me. Luckily, Kevin's holding strong that we should wait at least another year. Whenever I start thinking about how nice it would be to have a little baby in my arms, I try to think of having a teenager in my house and that clears things up pretty quick.

It's another steaming hot day out. I need to study, but I'm thinking I may end up studying at the beach...

We had a wonderful weekend. It was exactly what I needed. I feel refreshed, like maybe I can actually finish the next two months without becoming a raving lunatic. We saw a LOT of pirates roaming around the resort town and spent some time with them and a lot of time with just the two of us. We had 3 hour dinners and long walks on the water and even took an afternoon to see a movie together in the theatre, something we hadn't done in ages (we saw At Worlds End, of course).

Now I have to come back to reality and study a bit for the midterm I have tomorrow.

I'm now in my maternal newborn rotation. It's much more difficult than any of my others have been. It feels like I've been spending a lot of my time studying. Posting will probably continue to be infrequent at least until Memorial Day, when I promise I will post pictures of our anniversary weekend complete with pirate fest!

The weather here is gorgeous. We went on a lovely hike yesterday up to two different viewpoints in East Rock Park. Afterward, I made dinner and the people we hiked with came over for Pac-Man and board games. It was a pretty awesome day, a much needed break from the depressing monotony of school.

Everyone is starting to leave New Haven. All of the undergraduates are moving out for the summer and the grad students are finishing up and either graduating or going on summer trips. It's nice because there's finally parking downtown, but it's also a wicked reminder that I have almost three months of school left. At least during the summer there will be nicer ways of spending my time off. Summer in New Haven is actually pretty fantastic. There's tons of farmer's markets, free movies in the park, excellent plays, and the hiking is so much better with the sun out. There's also the opportunity for weekend trips to the beach - something I hope to really take advantage of this summer.

It's been a busy week. I finished up my pediatric clinical - it went by much faster than I anticipated. I ended up having a pretty awesome experience there. The hospital was wonderful and the nurses were great - if only it wasn't so far away! I will not miss getting up at 5am.

I had two finals this week, marking the end of two classes and the beginning of two more. It's hard to get used to the schedule here, where classes start and stop without a real pattern. We have semesters, but they have nothing to do with when classes begin and end.

I still have a paper to write and an online midterm to take before Monday hits, but I'm taking the afternoon off to go to the graduate "Chill-Out" where I've heard there will be free facials and massages. I'll write better once I'm relaxed, or so I tell myself. Meanwhile, if anyone thinks of a topic that will fill out 5-7 pages on an enduring issue in nursing, pretty please send it my way!

Good news! I got the job! It starts up next week. I think it'll be good for Kevin and me - a little extra money certainly won't hurt.

The weather was really nice for a few days - upper 70's, sunshine. It was beautiful and I tried to enjoy it as much as possible. I went hiking with some girls over the weekend and yesterday took a walk for some ice cream after class with the same people. It was so nice. It'll have to last me for a while, because it's already turned rainy and chilly again. It may be for the best, though, seeing as how I have two finals on Tuesday and really should use the weekend to study rather than hanging out in the sun.

Spring is finally here! It's supposed to be 77 and sunshine all day. Perfect for hiking and sushi. It should be a wonderful afternoon...

I know that there's a huge chance that you have no idea who Ellen Muth is. That's okay. I have a feeling that most people don't know who she is. No problem, I will fill you in - she's the lead in a show Kevin and I like called Dead Like Me. She looks like this (she's the tall one):

I sat at the table next to her today and ate some ice cream. Isn't that thrilling?!

I wanted to grab her shoulders and shout "I've seen you on TV!!!" Luckily I was able to control myself. Wise, mature, wordly Kevin was not excited at all - he saw Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman together and didn't get excited, so you can imagine Ellen Muth was pretty dull for him. It was the highlight of my week.

I probably ought to get out more.

The storm started last night and it continued all morning. Kevin and I had planned a brunch date at this little Italian restaurant that has live Jazz. We decided to brave the downpour and go since we'd both been looking forward to it. What a good decision that turned out to be! The food was amazing, the Jazz was perfect, and the tiramisu was just like Italy! It didn't hurt that it was one of the least expensive places we've been to since we got to New Haven. Kevin's put it at the top of his list of favorite restaurants - we will definitely be going there again!

I'm almost completely recovered from my sinus thing, but I still get tired so easily. It's very frustrating when there's so much I want to do! I talked to Kevin about the Pirate Festival (on May 26) and he has agreed! We booked a beautiful bed and breakfast and plan to spend our long weekend taking walks along the beach, exploring shops and restaurants, and maybe seeing a pirate show or two. Isn't that a perfect way to spend our first anniversary?

A couple of exciting bits of news:

1. I have a job interview next Wednesday to be an RA of the apartment complex.
2. There is a Pirate Fest in Newport next month. I haven't told Kevin yet, but I'm pretty sure not going would be fatal to my scurvy pirate heart.

I stayed home sick from clinical today. I feel kind of guilty about it, like everyone is going to think I'm faking. But I woke up at 4:30 with an awful sinus headache and chest pains and I was so tired after making myself lunch that I couldn't even eat it, so maybe it's a good thing that I took the day off. I've spent the day so far drinking water, reading, and throwing dirty tissues all over the living room because I just don't feel like moving a trash can closer to the couch. I picked a good day to be sick - it's been nothing but cold and rainy outside. It's the kind of day that was made for curling up with a cup of tea and a good book. Now if I can just gather enough energy to boil some water for that cup of tea, I'll be all set.

I haven't been very good about posting lately, mainly because there hasn't been very much to post about. School is occupying most of my time these days, and with clinicals so early in the morning, I'm usually ready to pass out by the time I get home. Pediatrics is the most academically challenging unit I've had yet. I think part of it is because I'm just not as interested in peds as I am in other areas of nursing. Our midterm is on Tuesday, so here's hoping I get a lot more studying done in the next two days! Tonight I'm taking a break for movie night. Apparently, there were some pretty awesome movies I missed out on in the 80's that I'm being introduced to later on today.

Kevin did make it home safe from Arizona. He had a wonderful time and can't wait to go back permanently. He's working four days in a row, which has been a little rough on him. It may not sound like much, but when the days are 12-14 hours of being on his feet all day and sometimes not even getting to stop for lunch - they can be pretty exhausting. I don't think he's taking as good care of his back as he could be, either. One more reason for him to cut back on work once we have kids.

I'm off to make cookies for Kevin to take to work tomorrow. He has to work Easter, so they're all going to bring in food.

I had a wonderful time last night. The play was... weird. There was a lot more nudity than any of us anticipated (especially those of us who anticipated none - chiefly myself). Afterwards, we ended up at a birthday party for some girls at the nursing school. There were a few drinks and lots of dancing. It's been a while since I've had that much fun. It made me resolve to go out with the girls more often. Still, I'm ready for Kevin to come home now.

The apartment is a different place without a boy living in it. Things stay where I put them, no messes are made while I'm away, I don't have to worry about what we'll eat for supper - cereal works for me. Yesterday I came home from clinical and slept for close to 13 hours. No one stealing the covers or snoring or waking me up to see if I want to be awake yet. Note: if my eyes are closed I do not want to be awake.

I've done a lot of reading and cleaning and catching up with friends. I'm going out with some girls tomorrow - it's grad night at the repertory theatre and we're seeing a production together. It'll be a nice weekend here by myself - a chance to catch up on all the things I put aside to spend time with Kevin. But I have a feeling I'll be ready for him to come home on Tuesday. He is awful sweet - he bought me those lilies as a goodbye present, and though I'm enjoying my solitude, I do miss him.

Spring is finally starting to come to New Haven. On my walk today I saw several flowers starting to bloom, and I even got warm in my jacket. I can't believe March is almost over. This year is flying by, just like everyone said it would.

Getting up at 5 for clinical has not been easy for me. My breakfast consists of a Sprite and a dramamine - as one of the girls in my group said, it's the breakfast of champions.

I do really enjoy my new rotation, despite the early hour. It's a hospital devoted entirely to children, so the atmosphere and the attitudes of employees is much nicer than other hospitals I've been to. We're on the infant and toddler floor - they're all so tiny!

Kevin left at 2:45 this morning for Arizona. He'll be back Tuesday. Until then, I'm stuck without a car, which is probably a good thing because it means I'll actually get some exercise. The weather has been warming up a little lately, so I should be able to walk most places. The real downside is that I'd have to walk through a pretty rough neighborhood to get to my yoga studio, so I'll probably have to go without this week.

This weekend will be a great opportunity for me to play catch-up. The school year is back in full swing and I have no idea how it happened so quickly. There's so much to learn! I haven't settled into a new academic routine, since my schedule changed so much over break. I'm a little behind on reading and studying, so I plan to do plenty of both in the next few days.

I was getting caught up on pictures and found this one. Thought it was pretty cute - a few of us gathered at our favorite sushi place before school started up again. Hurray for half price sushi!

Over the weekend we got about six inches of snow and ice. Kevin and I ventured out only once during that time, to mail back movies and have a snowball fight (which got a little extreme when he decided to hide out in the apartment and I brought a snowball in after him).

Now I'm back at school. It was a very restful break, but it was getting boring around the house, so it feels kind of nice to be back. The only thing I'm really sorry about is having to get up early again. My next clinical rotation is 45 min away and starts at 7am, so I will be getting up very early starting next week.

Mission Accomplished

I found my pretty dress at Ann Tayor. I'm a little in love with it, though before I can wear it properly I have to buy some shoes to go with it. What else it birthday money for, right?

My goal for the day was to buy a pretty dress. Instead, I split a bottle of wine and a pizza with my husband and played cards until dark. It was the most fun we've had together since Italy. There's always tomorrow to buy a dress...

It's been a pretty busy couple of weeks. I survived finals just fine, though I did get pretty stressed out. I haven't studied that hard since my freshman year in college.

The day after finals ended, my parents and Grandma Mary flew out. It was a really nice visit. I showed them around campus, we ate at some good restaurants, and got to play cards. The last day they were here, we all drove up to Newport, saw the Breakers, and drove Ocean Drive. It was a very cold, but good day.

I have one more week of Spring Break left to do whatever I want. So far I've done a whole lot of nothing, which has been kind of nice. I'm really looking forward to a few more days of the same.

Kevin woke me up to tell me it had snowed several inches overnight. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining and the city had a calm blanket of white over it. I called the campus service for a private escort to school and spent the whole ride looking out the window, wondering at how lovely the city could look covered in snow.

The two finals I had today went okay. The one that I needed to do really well on went better than expected and the one I expected to do well on wasn't as easy as I had hoped. Overall, though, they went fine.

I'm back at home now, trying to study for my pharmocology final tomorrow, but my eyes keep drifting to the window, where it's started to snow again.

Dinner Party

Having the girls over last night turned out to be an ideal break from studying. Everyone brought their notes just in case we wanted to quiz each other, but that just didn't happen. There was a lot of eating, wine, and laughing.

I went to power vinyasa this morning, the most intense yoga class at the studio, and worked out a lot of stress about all the exams I have tomorrow. I'm still slightly terrified, but I feel better prepared to take on the studying. My friend Erin said it best, when I was worried about my last test grade in pathophys. She said to me, "Stephanie, even if you just scrape by, you will still graduate with a degree from Yale. That happens with a 98 or 75. No one's going to be requesting your transcipt when you're applying for jobs." It's still hard for me to remember that I don't have to be at the top of the class, I don't have to get a 94 or better on all my tests. I am trying to remind myself that it's okay to do my best and leave it at that. Although I am struggling, it's in a class full of fellow perfectionists who know exactly how I feel, and that is a blessing.

Boston!!

We had an amazing time in Boston. It was just the kind of relaxing retreat we needed. There was a mistake at the hotel when we first got there, so we got upgraded to a gorgeous suite. It was so fancy! They had champagne and chocolate covered strawberries delivered to our room and arranged for a horse and buggy ride around the city. We had a late dinner and spent hours talking after they took our plates away. We keep our heat pretty low at the apartment, so turning the heat way up in our room(s!) was a special treat. We were pampered and warm tucked in our hotel. With the last few months being so stressful, it was a wonderful way to reconnect and a great reminder that we are so lucky to have each other!

Kevin holding steady on the ice.

Trying to keep my balance - it was so slippery!

Boston!

Our horse and buggy ride - isn't the carriage beautiful?

My birthday present from Kevin - a book from my new favorite cook!

The ride home got a little snowy... luckily it only lasted a few minutes.

I feel very content. I don't know if I'm quite ready to dive into school, but I feel more prepared for the next two weeks, which are going to be pretty harsh. I just have to push through midterm/finals and then I get a two week break from school. Tonight, my studies will be rewarded with a girls night out for sushi. First, though, I have to drag myself away from the internet and hit the books. Back to reality...

Happy Valentine's Day!

It got nasty out last night. It's been snowing and sleeting all last night and it's supposed to continue all the way into tonight. Luckily, I have nowhere to be today, so I'm planning on staying tucked into my warm robe, drinking hot tea and watching movies with my husband. I was woken up at 7:45 to be given a Valentine's Day card, which I think I may have read before falling back alseep. Kevin's still sleeping since he got home at 7:30 from work. It's his last night shift until the end of March.

It's kind of romantic, looking at the snow piling up outside and fixing myself something warm to drink. I've studied a little bit this morning, but mostly I've just watched people head to class and been grateful I don't have to go out in the weather. I hope it clears up before this weekend (my Boston birthday trip)!

I had been down about spending the weekend alone with Kevin working, but it turned out to be sort of great. I had a nice girls night out on Saturday night - a long dinner with friends and then a late night move (Little Children - which was really good but also really disturbing). This morning, Mary and I went to Power Vinyasa and it kicked our butts. This particular form of yoga is not relaxing. It is a workout and it is intense! As we were winding down at the end of an hour and a half, the instructor told us that while we were so focused on our bodies, it made it impossible for us to worry about the minute details of our lives. And I realized she was right! I hadn't worried about anything. I didn't even have time to worry about the poses I was doing because the class was so fast paced. I don't know if that class will be something I'm capable of doing every week, but it will be a nice cardio workout if I feel I need one.

After yoga, we went for a nice brunch with friends and then we explored a local art gallery. Before I leave Connecticut, I'm going to buy a painting of campus. It's really beautiful at Yale and it would be a nice memento of the time I spent here.

I thought I should mention that clinical has continued to improve. It turns out first impressions aren't everything.

Also of note: I know everyone else has probably already seen it, but I just finished watching Little Miss Sunshine, which was possibly the best movie I've seen since Joe vs. the Volcano. Joe is still far and away the best because it's a movie you could watch with anyone (how many great movies are out there without curse words or a single sex scene? that have volcanos? and orange soda? man, I love that movie). But if you don't mind a little vulgarity or the truly disturbing world of child beauty pageants, then I recommend Sunshine.

Over the past few months, I've gotten used to having someone around all the time. One of the best things about being married is having someone to come home to. I love having someone to cook for, who raves about the food and then cleans up the kitchen after me. I love having someone to talk to in the evenings, to wrap up in an afgan with and watch the newest movie from Netflix. I love having someone kiss me goodnight before I fall asleep and kiss me good morning before I leave for the day.

Kevin working nights has thrown our whole schedule out the window. He leaves before dinner and comes home after I've gone for the day. I come home to an empty house and eat cereal for dinner. I go to bed freezing and wake up lonely. It just doesn't do much for my winter blues. It does make me appreciate what I have, though. We fight about everything from how I park the car (crooked, every time) to what he wears to dinner (pajamas - always pajamas), but even when we fight there's comfort in the fact that he's there. And he can always make me laugh, even if I've never been more angry in my life.

These weeks have been a little window of what my life would be like without him and I'm telling you: the outlook is bleak. I could live on my own, be fine on my own, but it would be hard to go back knowing what life with him was like. I know it's cheesy and probably gross (here's looking at you, Lisa), but he makes me a better person, a happier person, and I could not love him more.

My test went fine; I rewarded myself with a nice long yoga class and a nice long nap.

I attempted lasagna for the first time today. I used my mom's recipe and did everything it said, but it just didn't taste as good as hers. I think there's something about the fact that your mom or grandma cooked something that just makes it taste better.

Kevin and I are settling more into the routine of his working nights. By the time we finally get used to it, he'll be back on days!

I spent my evening last night with this guy. It was awesome. I have never laughed so hard in my life, or thought so hard about the world around me.

Update

Yoga was amazing. It relaxed muscles I didn't know were tensed. It relaxed muscles I didn't know I had. My intercostal muscles are actually sore today from all the deep breathing. I came home and thought, "This is where my shoulders are supposed to be. Maybe I should stop holding them up by my ears all the time." I felt great. I still feel great.

I have been to yoga classes before, but they were always the free ones offered by college students at the gym. This time, it was trained professionals leading the class. They put me right at ease. They adjusted my positions; they helped me balance when I was shaky in an unfamiliar pose. There were around twenty people in the studio, but I felt like I was the only one.

Today was the first day in a week that I didn't snap at Kevin when I got home. I went to clinical feeling calm and stayed calm, even when I had trouble with a patient. That class last night was worth every penny. I can't wait to go back.

The stress of school has been getting to me lately. It's been low, but constant, and it's starting to wear me down. Kevin and I drove by a little yoga studio tonight and it got me thinking that maybe this could be a solution. I started poking around online and I found a studio across town that I really like. It's a bit more than I wanted to spend, but Kevin and I talked about it and he thinks it would be good for me. It's taught by a woman who has her PhD from Yale in psychology, who has been teaching for 6 years, and who specializes in the physiologic responses to stress. It sounds like it might be exactly what I need. I'm going to go to the beginners class Wednesday evening. I feel better just thinking about it.

New Things

First of all, my books from Powell's in Portland arrived! They are about 100 years old an contain records of all the original letters and first hand documents of the Queens of England. They are fascinating! I've been flipping through them, though I haven't had time to give them the good read they deserve. Maybe over spring break.

I also got my hair cut and colored. This was before:

And this is after. I really like the color and the cut is so much easier to deal with than my longer hair. All the choppy layers which you can't see in the picture give it a lot more versatility. Now I wake up and when it's sticking out every which way, it looks like cute styled bedhead instead of ratty tangled bedhead. This is good considering my habit of waking up too late to shower in the morning.

Now that I wrote a whole paragraph about my hair, I'll write my habitual "I have a test next week so I'm meeting Mary to study" sentence. It must be boring to read, but that's my life. I go to class and clinical, study on the weekends, and have an occasional night out with my very sweet husband. Speaking of which, we bought tickets to see Lewis Black this Friday. I'm excited!!

I made it through my whole clinical today without hearing the word "unacceptable." This is marked improvement, which I am choosing to take as a very good sign. I may survive nursing school after all!

I've been puttering through this semester. I've got a bit of a cold and a bit of the winter blues, so I haven't been very social or very optimistic. My new psych rotation is interesting, and by that I mean I feel sinking dread in the pit my stomach when I think about going back there. It isn't the patients. They actually are interesting. It's that I made a very bad first impression on my preceptor and I feel as though I'm going to be spending the next six weeks trying to make up for it. I don't mind working hard as long as I pass. I've never had to worry before that I wouldn't pass.

The only thing that seems to cheer me up is baking. I just finished making an apple pie, and the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg are comforting. Now I just have to make myself a pot of tea and settle into my desk (the only space in the apartment that's clean) to study for a while.

Miguel Walks

I think I've shown this to everyone I know, but just in case I missed someone, you should watch this. My nephew is pretty awesome at walking. At least when there's chocolate involved.

NYC Trip

First of all, I have to ask the question, why is it always cloudy and rainy when Kevin and I go to NYC? It wasn't very cold yesterday, but it was very wet and grey out. Between the two of us, though, we still managed to have a pretty good day.

The Bodies Exhibit - the whole reason we came to New York this time. I thought it was worthwhile, Kevin was less impressed. Neither of us would go again, but I'm glad we went yesterday.

Trinity Church graveyard, with the American Stock Exchange in the background.

The Statue of Liberty! My first time seeing it.

There were these metal plates in a park by the ocean and each plate played a different note when you stepped on it. Kevin really got a kick out of it.

Pier 17 - I thought it was awesome how the boats were lined up right next to the city - so pretty!

All in all, it was a very good day. We ate New York pizza, had excellent baked goods, went to a huge used bookstore, saw parts of the city we hadn't seen before, and enjoyed what I thought was an interesting take on anatomy. By the end of the day, we were exhausted and stopped in a bar to have a beer and watch people go by. Well, I watched people. Kevin watched football.

This week has been very busy. It's difficult for me to return to school. My attention span isn't what it once was. Yesterday, instead of studying for the test I have next week, I ran several errands. One of the important things I did was getting our wedding portrait framed. I'm still not sure I love the frame, but Kevin likes it and it was 50% off at JoAnn's fabrics. I wanted a bigger frame and possibily a mat, but this one was pretty... I downloaded a kind of crooked picture of it. What do you think? Should I keep the frame?

The amazing discovery of yesterday was a wine store that carried the Frei Brothers pinot noir I've been looking for the last several months. I was so excited! Until I saw the price. It was twice what we normally spend on a bottle of wine, but I went ahead and bought it because I liked it so much and had been searching for it so long. Maybe it will taste even better knowing what it cost! I made a lot of other more boring purchases like work pants and a magazine rack, but I'll try to keep those to myself.

Kevin was assigned to work nights for three weeks next month. I am not looking foward to sleeping alone at night and being very quiet during the day and tolerating his mood when we both happen to be awake at the same time. The last time he was assigned to nights, Kevin was really grumpy - he just couldn't get used to it.

I am not having an easy time adjusting to being back at school. Paying attention for so many hours in a row is hard! Coming home to study is impossible. The good news is that our weekly hiking group is starting back up again next week. It's so good for me to get out there with good people and not do anything relating to nursing for a while.

Today was my first day of classes in the spring semester. Two out of the three I had today were the same as last semester. So instead of feeling new and fresh it just felt strange to have a psych class and not to have med-surg. Overall, however, it was a remarkably good day, especially considering it started with me running late in the rain. It was so nice to see people and catch up and hear about everyone's breaks. I also confirmed plans for a trip to NYC to see the Body Exhibit this Saturday. I've been wanting to see it for a while, and there's going to be a YSN tour guided by Linda, my med-surg professor who I enjoy very much and who is incredibly knowledgable about nursing. Kevin's going with me and although she doesn't know me very well, she loves Kevin, so she'll get a kick out of him being there.

In the meantime, I have other very exciting news. Maybe not to you, but certainly to me: we bought a vacuum. I did not realize how filthy our apartment was until I found myself digging a shard of glass out of my foot from a glass that Kevin broke over three weeks ago. Obviously our swiffer is not cutting it. Our new vacuum is so awesome. Look!

That's not all. Yesterday, Kevin and I went to the mall and American Eagle was having the best sale I've ever seen (I'm not exaggerating here, really. It was the best sale I've ever seen). I spent all my Christmas money from Arizona there and got some amazing stuff that I can wear for school/work. It was awesome! These really nice sweaters that are normally $60, were on sale for $20!! TWENTY!!! I bought one v-neck with blue and gray strips and one dark green cable sweater with pockets. They're both very pretty. And I got another shirt and a soft, fluffy robe that has a hood for when I get out of the shower (it was also normally priced 60 and on sale for 20). I used it this morning and it was awesome. I waited to get dressed until the last possible second so I could wear it for as long as possible, which probably had a lot to do with why I was so late this morning.

Sorry it took me so long to get pictures up, but I've been very busy throwing up and coughing and not sleeping for three days. I went to the doctor who mercifully gave me some codeine and I slept for 15 hours last night, which felt like heaven.

When Kevin got off work yesterday, he told me that he'd had a needle stick. I guess this is part of nursing; we had a whole class on it, but I still thought it only applied to other people. It's really scary. Luckily, the tests came back clean so far and we should be out of the woods by next week, but it shook me, knowing that someone I love might not be safe. Because he hadn't worried me enough this week, Kevin threw out his back at work today and the occupational health department at the hospital told him he couldn't go back to work until Tuesday. Hopefully he will be healed up by then. He's pretty miserable right now, even with the muscle relaxants.

In some good news, I'm finally feeling better, mostly due to sleep. I saw the doctor again today and he said I'm definitely on the mend. This is good seeing as how I still haven't unpacked our suitcases from Arizona. It's hard to believe I start back to school in two days. Do you think if I called the dean she'd extend Christmas break for another week or two?

Miguel and me in Missouri
Alexis and me in Arizona

Brayden and his daddy finally alseep after a rough afternoon filled with screaming.

Brayden feeding the dog.

Alexis smiling. This baby is always smiling. It's adorable!

Holidays

The holiday season ends for us officially tomorrow. There has been lots of visiting and presents and really yummy food. Christmas Day was spent with a couple of friends in New Haven while Kevin worked. We went on a walk and cooked ham and potatoes and asparagus. Later, I picked Kevin up from work and we spent a cozy evening opening presents and watching movies. I went to Missouri for a week before Christmas and now we're rounding out a week together in Arizona. We've seen lots of good friends and family and have had a really wonderful time. We rang in the new year among friends playing Bunco and then I spent new years day with a wicked case of food poisoning, which I will complain about in great detail to anyone who is willing to listen. Maybe my new year's resolution should be to share less.

Kevin and I had some joint new years resolutions which include going to them gym together twice a week and going on a date every week, which we will take turns planning. My personal resolution is to plan out my grocery shopping and cooking so my husband gets a good home cooked meal every night instead of whatever I happen to throw together, which is too often a frozen pizza.

When I get home I'll post pictures of my beautiful niece and nephews, who grew despite my specific instructions to stay little while I was away.

I am finally done with this semester at school! It was a little rough in the end, but I came out okay. The apartment didn't make out as well as I did. With Kevin off pouting about winter and me off pouting about finals, it's taken quite a hit. I did finally clean the bathroom yesterday (that was a gruesome affair) and I got the laundry done (Kevin needs clothes while I'm away) but I was too busy wrapping presents the rest of the day to do anymore. That's right - presents! One of the many preparations I've been making for my trip back to Missouri. I'm hoping to get a little more done around the house before I go, but I've still got to pack and I told my friend Chris I'd help him and his girl move into their new apartment this afternoon. Then tomorrow Kevin and I are celebrating Christmas since he'll be working on the actual day. Tomorrow afternoon we're having a holiday celebration with some people from school (which I have to make some apple cobbler for - one more thing on the list!). The apartment may just have to wait until I get back.

Snow!

We woke up this morning and everything outside was covered in snow. It was lovely. I made banana cinnamon pancakes and scrambled eggs and we spent the day inside, playing cards and keeping warm. We would watch people outside going to class and we were so glad we had the day off! By the afternoon, most of the snow had melted, so I convinced Kevin to take a walk with me outside. I missed my weekly hike for the first time all semester, and I had cabin fever. It was a little colder out than we were expecting. I think we made it one block before Kevin dragged me back to the apartment. I made him take a picture with me, and although the sun was shining and it was a really beautiful day, if you look at the photo above, you can see he's saying "I hate it here." He's not so much a fan of winter.

I had to leave clinical early yesterday because I wasn't feeling well, and I missed it completely today. Luckily, my preceptor is an incredibly understanding woman and encouraged me to get some rest and not to worry about making it up. Thank goodness. I've had a sore throat and chest pains for about three days and both keep getting worse, so I finally went into the doctor today, where I was diagnosed with a virus, which caused the sore throat and also caused costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects my ribs to my sternum. I looked it up onlineand found out it can be "exquisitely" painful and can last four to eight weeks. Awesome! My doctor failed to mention those two little facts. So cross your fingers for me that I make it through the next few weeks. So far, this has not been fun.

I never told anyone this, but I cried on my wedding day because he wasn't there to watch me walk down the asile. I don't remember him as much as I want to, but I think he would have liked Kevin.

I had a dream once that I saw him in Grandma Mary's backyard. He looked so healthy, so happy. I told him how much I missed him. He said he missed me too, that he missed all of us. He asked how we were. I looked back at the house and I could see everyone through the windows gathered around the table in the dining room, talking and playing cards. His picture was displayed prominently on the wall. "We're fine," I said. "We've been fine." I saw that he was looking at everyone, too. He watched for a moment and smiled at me. Then he was gone.

Sometimes I see his picture on my wall and I miss him so much. I always think of that dream. I know it wasn't real, but I cling to it because maybe... maybe it was.

Morals

Within 24 hours I had two conversations.

The first went like this:
"Can I tell you one of my poems?"
"No, that's ok."
"Hey, look, I'm no beggar, I just want to tell you a poem and then maybe you'll buy me some food."
We were right outside Starbucks, so I gestured towards it. "Look, I'll buy you something there, ok?"
She scoffed at me. "They don't sell food in there. They sell pastries in there."
"Pastries are food."
"No, they're not. I want Chinese food. If you can buy me a muffin, you can buy me Chinese."
And so I got into a discussion with a homeless women about what I would and wouldn't do for her. Afterwards I felt guilty and angry. Guilty because I didn't help her at all and I could have. Angry because I felt guilty. I still don't know what would have been the right thing to do. I wish I'd been kinder. If I could go back, I'd wipe the "you're crazy, lady" look off my face.

The second conversation went like this:
"Look, I'm really not feeling well. I get hot and cold and hot and cold. I'm drenched. I can't stop sweating. Could you get me another blanket?"
"Sure, no problem."
"I just feel so sick all the time. They won't let me eat anymore. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I'm going to quit my radiation. I'm just too tired to do this anymore."
I put my hand on her arm. "I don't know very much about your kind of cancer. Have you talked to your doctor? You should talk to him before you make this kind of decision."
She was shaking, but she was determined. "I don't need to talk to him. I've decided. I'm quitting."
"How about your family? Have you talked to them about this?"
"I don't have family. I don't have no one to help me. You gotta help me decide what to do. No one else will listen to me."
And so I got into a discussion with a sick woman about whether or not she should keep fighting. Afterwords, I felt lost and sad. I didn't know if she was looking for me to encourage her to keep up the fight or if she needed to hear someone say it was okay to give up. I said neither. I still don't know what would have been the right thing to say. I wish I'd stayed with her longer. If I could go back, I'd forget about charting for a while and hold her hand.

Holidays

This is some of us after Thanksgiving. Kevin said I did my mother shame because I didn't take a single picture all day - can you believe it?! I fully intended to, but time just flew by and the next thing I knew, everyone was putting their coats on, so I had to say, "Wait! If I don't take a picture this day never happened and I want to remember today!" Kevin is holding my very first pumpkin chiffon pie, which was not as good as Grandmom's, but was still pretty tasty.

I was very excited today to put up our very first Christmas tree. I know it's small, but isn't it pretty? Crooked, yes, but also pretty.

It's One of Those Days

There comes a point in everyone's life when you come to a crossroads, where you have the choice of jumping out of the moving truck you just hijacked and running for the hills or pushing down on the brake as hard as you can and praying it stops rolling through the parking lot. Or am I alone at that particular fork in the road?

Let me start at the beginning. I had a rough morning. Kevin missed the shuttle to work, so I had to wake up at 6:45 on my day off to drive him to the hospital. Since I was up early, I decided to dye my hair by myself, since it was too early to call anyone to come over. How hard could it be, anyway? Well, it was hard enough that I squirted the chemical dye directly in my right eye. I don't recommend doing this. It hurts really bad and since I couldn't see so I couldn't read the box about what to do if this happens. I started rinsing it out with cold water in a panic, and as soon as I could semi-see I read the box just well enough to see the words "could cause blindness," which were not very reassuring.

I'll make this short. My eye and I have recovered. It took a lot of rinsing and a lot of me sitting with my hand cupped over it so that no light got in. But I was all better by lunchtime. By that time, I was running late on all the errands I had to accomplish today. There were many of them. So I got dressed and went outside to find a huge moving truck that was occupying almost the whole parking lot and blocking my car in by a mere six inches or so. I waited for a few minutes, but no movers came. I became frustrated. I had errands to run! I was tired of waiting! I had narrowly escaped blindness! I was tired of CT people being so rude all the time! I saw a clipboard with pink papers on the dash and I thought "that probably has the company number! I will call and complain!" So I climbed up on the step to the driver's door (this was a big truck, I'm telling you!). I discovered that not only were the keys still in the ignition, but the door was unlocked. I hopped down from the stair. I couldn't just back up the truck! That would be wrong! I decided to sit and wait for the movers to come so they could move the stupid truck for me.

Well, I waited and waited and there were no movers. I was getting tired of this business. So I made a snap decision and impulsively climbed back up into the truck and got into the drivers seat. I started the rusty old engine and hoped it wouldn't fall apart while I drove it back a foot or two. I got it into reverse just fine, backed up a bit and turned it off. No problem! Good for me! I was climbing down when I realized the truck was rolling forward.

Frantically, I dashed back inside and slammed my foot on the brake just in time to keep it from hitting some cars. I started up the engine and reversed it again. I realized that the parking brake light was flashing. I did not know what that meant. It took all the strength of my leg to keep that brake down while I searched for the parking brake. I was banging around under the dash and a panel came off. I tried to push it back on but it was a no go. I shoved it under the driver's seat. This truck was falling apart with me inside! I finally found the parking brake, or more techincally, I found the part of the truck where the parking brake used to be.

This is where the crossroads come into play. I could run for it, let the truck do it's damage and be far, far away when it did. Or I could stay with it and pray to God that someone that knew something about trucks would arrive before my leg gave out even if it meant there was a definite possibility I was going to be held responsible for trying to drive someone else's moving truck. I stayed. It was the adult in me.

I had my cell phone in my pocket, so with my leg shaking from holding down the brake, I finally called the number on the pink sheet. My phone call went something like this: "Hello! I'm at (address) in your truck! The brake is broken! Can you contact the drivers?! IT WON'T STOP ROLLING!!! I NEED SOME HELP!!! THE TRUCK IS ROLLING AND IT'S REALLY BIG!!!" The woman on the other line quickly became just as panicked as I was! So much so that she tried to call the driver without switching the lines. I was trying to explain that it was still me on the line at that the turck! was! still! rolling! when I saw two men in moving t-shirts come around the corner. I have never been so relieved in my life. "They're here!"I cried into the phone and hung up. I leaned my head out the door. "I need your help!" I shouted. "The truck is rolling and I can't get it to stop!"

"Did you move the rock?" one of the men asked me.

"There's a rock?" I asked.

The moving man started laughing. "Course there's a rock! What else would keep the truck from moving! Climb down from there. Come on." He helped me down, laughing the whole time. "Where you from?" he asked. I told him Missouri. "Course you are," he said. "You won't find a Connecticut girl drivin' no truck!" He patted me on the back. "We've been telling them to get that parking brake fixed for weeks, but they just won't do it." He chuckled to himself. "Moved that big truck, you did. Well, I tell you what. Every time I deliver to here, I'm gonna think of you."

I smiled. I couldn't believe he wasn't angry with me. I apologized anyway. He just laughed it off. "Can you get your car out now?" he asked. I nodded. I apologized again, but he just laughed, so I got in my car and went about my errands.

It turned out that I made the right turn at my crossroads. I'll tell you one thing, though - I'll never climb into a strange moving truck again.

The Game

Showing our support - GO YALE!

A sea of Elies

Rushing the field (after they cleared out the streaker).

In short, it was an awesome game. For the first time in my life, I actually cared about football and was groaning and screaming with the rest of those crazy Yalies. There was much more cheering than anything else, seeing as how we dominated Harvard 34-13!

We were lucky enough to meet up with Kristin, who is from Boston and was nice enough to show us around and take us to Legal Seafood, which is said to have the best seafood in Boston. I can believe it - the food was amazing! The girls I went with were amazing too. All in all, it was a great day. GO YALE!!!

How I know I'm becoming a nurse:

1. I went out to lunch today with two other nursing students. One girl graphically described her patient's wound and I listened attentively while still enjoying my cake and tea.
2. I choked a little bit during dinner and after coughing for a while, my first words were "I think I aspirated on my soup!"

I thought you all might want to see how beautiful my niece has turned out to be. Isn't she precious? One more month until I get to tell her so in person!

They told us in the beginning that this would be difficult. I was prepared to study and read and research and study some more. In the midst of the semester, I’ve found that I don’t study very much, I don’t read at all, and I’ve hardly ever researched. This does not mean that the program is not difficult. Instead of the academic challenges I prepared myself for, I find myself wading through a river of emotional and social problems that I never saw coming.

I watched someone die. I was in the room when she stopped breathing, when her heart stopped, when her daughter sobbed and begged her to come back. I was not prepared.

I watched people criticize each other, the professors, themselves. I have been in the room as they tore apart lecturers, as they tore down a women dying of AIDS, as they met with the dean and tore apart the faculty she employed. I have heard cruel gossip, I have seen students undermine each other to get ahead, I have spoken words I wish I could take back. I was not prepared.

I felt stress like an anchor on my shoulders. I have lain down in bed and cried until I was too tired to cry anymore. I was not prepared.

They told us that this would be difficult. They tried to prepare us for the challenges that we were going to face. The truth is, you can’t be ready for the hits you take becoming a nurse. You face each day with what strength you can gather and you hope that maybe you can help someone, despite your vast inadequacy. You experience the best and worst of human nature in your fellow students. You are forced to take a long look at who you are and who you want to be.

I know that I will survive this program. I will learn the necessary skills I need to become a good nurse. I will learn how to work with all types of personalities. I hope that I become a better person because of all these things. I hope I come out stronger on the other side. I hope I come out prepared.
 

Sometimes, when school is really stressful, the best thing a husband can do is call a friend to come over, grab a pizza and a bottle of wine and drag you away from your books to take an evening off. I didn't realize how well this worked until last night when I couldn't stop giggling and realized that for the first time in weeks, I wasn't worried about school.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm in the middle of a hard core series of tests, which has occupied every free moment of my time. Thursday was my pharmacy test, which was harder than I expected. Thursday afternoon we had a little fall party at B's. We ate pigs in a blanket and drank fresh hot apple cider. It was a good way to unwind after that test. Thursday night, I went over L's apartment for a Grey's Amatomy party. It was the first Thursday night I didn't have clinicals and it was really great to watch that show with a bunch of nurses. I never realized how unrealistic that show is in regard to our profession. Nurses do EVERYTHING! Those doctors would never be prepping patients for surgery or administering meds or doing any of the things they do on the show! We were all very outraged, both at the writers and at Dr. McDreamy and Meredith. Just GET TOGETHER ALREADY. That plot line is dragging on a little long for me, personally.

Friday morning was the flu clinic. I learned how to do it while I was getting my shot and then I gave two shots. See one, do one, teach one! Both the girls I gave it to said they barely felt it, so maybe I'll do okay with this whole giving shots thing. Friday night, Kevin and I went to the symphony on campus. It was beautiful. It was an almost perfect evening until we came home and I started to feel the effects of my flu vaccine. I had aches and pains all night and then this morning I could barely move and had a low grade fever. A couple girls were coming over to hike, so I shot down a couple of aspirin and luckily was feeling much better by the time they arrived! It was a gorgeous day for hiking. Are you sick yet of hearing how beautiful the east coast is in the fall? I feel very redundant, but I can't help being in awe every time I hike out here. It just takes my breath away.

Now I'm home and fed and rested and I have to study for my biomed test. Emily showed me a really awesome site that lets you make study cards online (it's faster and it doesn't waste all that paper). It's the best way to study I've ever heard of. It really helped me out with pharm (well, I guess how much it helped me out is yet to be determined - cross your fingers for me that I passed!).