The apartment is a different place without a boy living in it. Things stay where I put them, no messes are made while I'm away, I don't have to worry about what we'll eat for supper - cereal works for me. Yesterday I came home from clinical and slept for close to 13 hours. No one stealing the covers or snoring or waking me up to see if I want to be awake yet. Note: if my eyes are closed I do not want to be awake.

I've done a lot of reading and cleaning and catching up with friends. I'm going out with some girls tomorrow - it's grad night at the repertory theatre and we're seeing a production together. It'll be a nice weekend here by myself - a chance to catch up on all the things I put aside to spend time with Kevin. But I have a feeling I'll be ready for him to come home on Tuesday. He is awful sweet - he bought me those lilies as a goodbye present, and though I'm enjoying my solitude, I do miss him.

Spring is finally starting to come to New Haven. On my walk today I saw several flowers starting to bloom, and I even got warm in my jacket. I can't believe March is almost over. This year is flying by, just like everyone said it would.

Getting up at 5 for clinical has not been easy for me. My breakfast consists of a Sprite and a dramamine - as one of the girls in my group said, it's the breakfast of champions.

I do really enjoy my new rotation, despite the early hour. It's a hospital devoted entirely to children, so the atmosphere and the attitudes of employees is much nicer than other hospitals I've been to. We're on the infant and toddler floor - they're all so tiny!

Kevin left at 2:45 this morning for Arizona. He'll be back Tuesday. Until then, I'm stuck without a car, which is probably a good thing because it means I'll actually get some exercise. The weather has been warming up a little lately, so I should be able to walk most places. The real downside is that I'd have to walk through a pretty rough neighborhood to get to my yoga studio, so I'll probably have to go without this week.

This weekend will be a great opportunity for me to play catch-up. The school year is back in full swing and I have no idea how it happened so quickly. There's so much to learn! I haven't settled into a new academic routine, since my schedule changed so much over break. I'm a little behind on reading and studying, so I plan to do plenty of both in the next few days.

I was getting caught up on pictures and found this one. Thought it was pretty cute - a few of us gathered at our favorite sushi place before school started up again. Hurray for half price sushi!

Over the weekend we got about six inches of snow and ice. Kevin and I ventured out only once during that time, to mail back movies and have a snowball fight (which got a little extreme when he decided to hide out in the apartment and I brought a snowball in after him).

Now I'm back at school. It was a very restful break, but it was getting boring around the house, so it feels kind of nice to be back. The only thing I'm really sorry about is having to get up early again. My next clinical rotation is 45 min away and starts at 7am, so I will be getting up very early starting next week.

Mission Accomplished

I found my pretty dress at Ann Tayor. I'm a little in love with it, though before I can wear it properly I have to buy some shoes to go with it. What else it birthday money for, right?

My goal for the day was to buy a pretty dress. Instead, I split a bottle of wine and a pizza with my husband and played cards until dark. It was the most fun we've had together since Italy. There's always tomorrow to buy a dress...

It's been a pretty busy couple of weeks. I survived finals just fine, though I did get pretty stressed out. I haven't studied that hard since my freshman year in college.

The day after finals ended, my parents and Grandma Mary flew out. It was a really nice visit. I showed them around campus, we ate at some good restaurants, and got to play cards. The last day they were here, we all drove up to Newport, saw the Breakers, and drove Ocean Drive. It was a very cold, but good day.

I have one more week of Spring Break left to do whatever I want. So far I've done a whole lot of nothing, which has been kind of nice. I'm really looking forward to a few more days of the same.

Kevin woke me up to tell me it had snowed several inches overnight. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining and the city had a calm blanket of white over it. I called the campus service for a private escort to school and spent the whole ride looking out the window, wondering at how lovely the city could look covered in snow.

The two finals I had today went okay. The one that I needed to do really well on went better than expected and the one I expected to do well on wasn't as easy as I had hoped. Overall, though, they went fine.

I'm back at home now, trying to study for my pharmocology final tomorrow, but my eyes keep drifting to the window, where it's started to snow again.

Dinner Party

Having the girls over last night turned out to be an ideal break from studying. Everyone brought their notes just in case we wanted to quiz each other, but that just didn't happen. There was a lot of eating, wine, and laughing.

I went to power vinyasa this morning, the most intense yoga class at the studio, and worked out a lot of stress about all the exams I have tomorrow. I'm still slightly terrified, but I feel better prepared to take on the studying. My friend Erin said it best, when I was worried about my last test grade in pathophys. She said to me, "Stephanie, even if you just scrape by, you will still graduate with a degree from Yale. That happens with a 98 or 75. No one's going to be requesting your transcipt when you're applying for jobs." It's still hard for me to remember that I don't have to be at the top of the class, I don't have to get a 94 or better on all my tests. I am trying to remind myself that it's okay to do my best and leave it at that. Although I am struggling, it's in a class full of fellow perfectionists who know exactly how I feel, and that is a blessing.

Boston!!

We had an amazing time in Boston. It was just the kind of relaxing retreat we needed. There was a mistake at the hotel when we first got there, so we got upgraded to a gorgeous suite. It was so fancy! They had champagne and chocolate covered strawberries delivered to our room and arranged for a horse and buggy ride around the city. We had a late dinner and spent hours talking after they took our plates away. We keep our heat pretty low at the apartment, so turning the heat way up in our room(s!) was a special treat. We were pampered and warm tucked in our hotel. With the last few months being so stressful, it was a wonderful way to reconnect and a great reminder that we are so lucky to have each other!

Kevin holding steady on the ice.

Trying to keep my balance - it was so slippery!

Boston!

Our horse and buggy ride - isn't the carriage beautiful?

My birthday present from Kevin - a book from my new favorite cook!

The ride home got a little snowy... luckily it only lasted a few minutes.

I feel very content. I don't know if I'm quite ready to dive into school, but I feel more prepared for the next two weeks, which are going to be pretty harsh. I just have to push through midterm/finals and then I get a two week break from school. Tonight, my studies will be rewarded with a girls night out for sushi. First, though, I have to drag myself away from the internet and hit the books. Back to reality...

Happy Valentine's Day!

It got nasty out last night. It's been snowing and sleeting all last night and it's supposed to continue all the way into tonight. Luckily, I have nowhere to be today, so I'm planning on staying tucked into my warm robe, drinking hot tea and watching movies with my husband. I was woken up at 7:45 to be given a Valentine's Day card, which I think I may have read before falling back alseep. Kevin's still sleeping since he got home at 7:30 from work. It's his last night shift until the end of March.

It's kind of romantic, looking at the snow piling up outside and fixing myself something warm to drink. I've studied a little bit this morning, but mostly I've just watched people head to class and been grateful I don't have to go out in the weather. I hope it clears up before this weekend (my Boston birthday trip)!

I had been down about spending the weekend alone with Kevin working, but it turned out to be sort of great. I had a nice girls night out on Saturday night - a long dinner with friends and then a late night move (Little Children - which was really good but also really disturbing). This morning, Mary and I went to Power Vinyasa and it kicked our butts. This particular form of yoga is not relaxing. It is a workout and it is intense! As we were winding down at the end of an hour and a half, the instructor told us that while we were so focused on our bodies, it made it impossible for us to worry about the minute details of our lives. And I realized she was right! I hadn't worried about anything. I didn't even have time to worry about the poses I was doing because the class was so fast paced. I don't know if that class will be something I'm capable of doing every week, but it will be a nice cardio workout if I feel I need one.

After yoga, we went for a nice brunch with friends and then we explored a local art gallery. Before I leave Connecticut, I'm going to buy a painting of campus. It's really beautiful at Yale and it would be a nice memento of the time I spent here.

I thought I should mention that clinical has continued to improve. It turns out first impressions aren't everything.

Also of note: I know everyone else has probably already seen it, but I just finished watching Little Miss Sunshine, which was possibly the best movie I've seen since Joe vs. the Volcano. Joe is still far and away the best because it's a movie you could watch with anyone (how many great movies are out there without curse words or a single sex scene? that have volcanos? and orange soda? man, I love that movie). But if you don't mind a little vulgarity or the truly disturbing world of child beauty pageants, then I recommend Sunshine.

Over the past few months, I've gotten used to having someone around all the time. One of the best things about being married is having someone to come home to. I love having someone to cook for, who raves about the food and then cleans up the kitchen after me. I love having someone to talk to in the evenings, to wrap up in an afgan with and watch the newest movie from Netflix. I love having someone kiss me goodnight before I fall asleep and kiss me good morning before I leave for the day.

Kevin working nights has thrown our whole schedule out the window. He leaves before dinner and comes home after I've gone for the day. I come home to an empty house and eat cereal for dinner. I go to bed freezing and wake up lonely. It just doesn't do much for my winter blues. It does make me appreciate what I have, though. We fight about everything from how I park the car (crooked, every time) to what he wears to dinner (pajamas - always pajamas), but even when we fight there's comfort in the fact that he's there. And he can always make me laugh, even if I've never been more angry in my life.

These weeks have been a little window of what my life would be like without him and I'm telling you: the outlook is bleak. I could live on my own, be fine on my own, but it would be hard to go back knowing what life with him was like. I know it's cheesy and probably gross (here's looking at you, Lisa), but he makes me a better person, a happier person, and I could not love him more.

My test went fine; I rewarded myself with a nice long yoga class and a nice long nap.

I attempted lasagna for the first time today. I used my mom's recipe and did everything it said, but it just didn't taste as good as hers. I think there's something about the fact that your mom or grandma cooked something that just makes it taste better.

Kevin and I are settling more into the routine of his working nights. By the time we finally get used to it, he'll be back on days!

I spent my evening last night with this guy. It was awesome. I have never laughed so hard in my life, or thought so hard about the world around me.

Update

Yoga was amazing. It relaxed muscles I didn't know were tensed. It relaxed muscles I didn't know I had. My intercostal muscles are actually sore today from all the deep breathing. I came home and thought, "This is where my shoulders are supposed to be. Maybe I should stop holding them up by my ears all the time." I felt great. I still feel great.

I have been to yoga classes before, but they were always the free ones offered by college students at the gym. This time, it was trained professionals leading the class. They put me right at ease. They adjusted my positions; they helped me balance when I was shaky in an unfamiliar pose. There were around twenty people in the studio, but I felt like I was the only one.

Today was the first day in a week that I didn't snap at Kevin when I got home. I went to clinical feeling calm and stayed calm, even when I had trouble with a patient. That class last night was worth every penny. I can't wait to go back.

The stress of school has been getting to me lately. It's been low, but constant, and it's starting to wear me down. Kevin and I drove by a little yoga studio tonight and it got me thinking that maybe this could be a solution. I started poking around online and I found a studio across town that I really like. It's a bit more than I wanted to spend, but Kevin and I talked about it and he thinks it would be good for me. It's taught by a woman who has her PhD from Yale in psychology, who has been teaching for 6 years, and who specializes in the physiologic responses to stress. It sounds like it might be exactly what I need. I'm going to go to the beginners class Wednesday evening. I feel better just thinking about it.

New Things

First of all, my books from Powell's in Portland arrived! They are about 100 years old an contain records of all the original letters and first hand documents of the Queens of England. They are fascinating! I've been flipping through them, though I haven't had time to give them the good read they deserve. Maybe over spring break.

I also got my hair cut and colored. This was before:

And this is after. I really like the color and the cut is so much easier to deal with than my longer hair. All the choppy layers which you can't see in the picture give it a lot more versatility. Now I wake up and when it's sticking out every which way, it looks like cute styled bedhead instead of ratty tangled bedhead. This is good considering my habit of waking up too late to shower in the morning.

Now that I wrote a whole paragraph about my hair, I'll write my habitual "I have a test next week so I'm meeting Mary to study" sentence. It must be boring to read, but that's my life. I go to class and clinical, study on the weekends, and have an occasional night out with my very sweet husband. Speaking of which, we bought tickets to see Lewis Black this Friday. I'm excited!!

I made it through my whole clinical today without hearing the word "unacceptable." This is marked improvement, which I am choosing to take as a very good sign. I may survive nursing school after all!

I've been puttering through this semester. I've got a bit of a cold and a bit of the winter blues, so I haven't been very social or very optimistic. My new psych rotation is interesting, and by that I mean I feel sinking dread in the pit my stomach when I think about going back there. It isn't the patients. They actually are interesting. It's that I made a very bad first impression on my preceptor and I feel as though I'm going to be spending the next six weeks trying to make up for it. I don't mind working hard as long as I pass. I've never had to worry before that I wouldn't pass.

The only thing that seems to cheer me up is baking. I just finished making an apple pie, and the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg are comforting. Now I just have to make myself a pot of tea and settle into my desk (the only space in the apartment that's clean) to study for a while.

Miguel Walks

I think I've shown this to everyone I know, but just in case I missed someone, you should watch this. My nephew is pretty awesome at walking. At least when there's chocolate involved.

NYC Trip

First of all, I have to ask the question, why is it always cloudy and rainy when Kevin and I go to NYC? It wasn't very cold yesterday, but it was very wet and grey out. Between the two of us, though, we still managed to have a pretty good day.

The Bodies Exhibit - the whole reason we came to New York this time. I thought it was worthwhile, Kevin was less impressed. Neither of us would go again, but I'm glad we went yesterday.

Trinity Church graveyard, with the American Stock Exchange in the background.

The Statue of Liberty! My first time seeing it.

There were these metal plates in a park by the ocean and each plate played a different note when you stepped on it. Kevin really got a kick out of it.

Pier 17 - I thought it was awesome how the boats were lined up right next to the city - so pretty!

All in all, it was a very good day. We ate New York pizza, had excellent baked goods, went to a huge used bookstore, saw parts of the city we hadn't seen before, and enjoyed what I thought was an interesting take on anatomy. By the end of the day, we were exhausted and stopped in a bar to have a beer and watch people go by. Well, I watched people. Kevin watched football.

This week has been very busy. It's difficult for me to return to school. My attention span isn't what it once was. Yesterday, instead of studying for the test I have next week, I ran several errands. One of the important things I did was getting our wedding portrait framed. I'm still not sure I love the frame, but Kevin likes it and it was 50% off at JoAnn's fabrics. I wanted a bigger frame and possibily a mat, but this one was pretty... I downloaded a kind of crooked picture of it. What do you think? Should I keep the frame?

The amazing discovery of yesterday was a wine store that carried the Frei Brothers pinot noir I've been looking for the last several months. I was so excited! Until I saw the price. It was twice what we normally spend on a bottle of wine, but I went ahead and bought it because I liked it so much and had been searching for it so long. Maybe it will taste even better knowing what it cost! I made a lot of other more boring purchases like work pants and a magazine rack, but I'll try to keep those to myself.

Kevin was assigned to work nights for three weeks next month. I am not looking foward to sleeping alone at night and being very quiet during the day and tolerating his mood when we both happen to be awake at the same time. The last time he was assigned to nights, Kevin was really grumpy - he just couldn't get used to it.

I am not having an easy time adjusting to being back at school. Paying attention for so many hours in a row is hard! Coming home to study is impossible. The good news is that our weekly hiking group is starting back up again next week. It's so good for me to get out there with good people and not do anything relating to nursing for a while.

Today was my first day of classes in the spring semester. Two out of the three I had today were the same as last semester. So instead of feeling new and fresh it just felt strange to have a psych class and not to have med-surg. Overall, however, it was a remarkably good day, especially considering it started with me running late in the rain. It was so nice to see people and catch up and hear about everyone's breaks. I also confirmed plans for a trip to NYC to see the Body Exhibit this Saturday. I've been wanting to see it for a while, and there's going to be a YSN tour guided by Linda, my med-surg professor who I enjoy very much and who is incredibly knowledgable about nursing. Kevin's going with me and although she doesn't know me very well, she loves Kevin, so she'll get a kick out of him being there.

In the meantime, I have other very exciting news. Maybe not to you, but certainly to me: we bought a vacuum. I did not realize how filthy our apartment was until I found myself digging a shard of glass out of my foot from a glass that Kevin broke over three weeks ago. Obviously our swiffer is not cutting it. Our new vacuum is so awesome. Look!

That's not all. Yesterday, Kevin and I went to the mall and American Eagle was having the best sale I've ever seen (I'm not exaggerating here, really. It was the best sale I've ever seen). I spent all my Christmas money from Arizona there and got some amazing stuff that I can wear for school/work. It was awesome! These really nice sweaters that are normally $60, were on sale for $20!! TWENTY!!! I bought one v-neck with blue and gray strips and one dark green cable sweater with pockets. They're both very pretty. And I got another shirt and a soft, fluffy robe that has a hood for when I get out of the shower (it was also normally priced 60 and on sale for 20). I used it this morning and it was awesome. I waited to get dressed until the last possible second so I could wear it for as long as possible, which probably had a lot to do with why I was so late this morning.

Sorry it took me so long to get pictures up, but I've been very busy throwing up and coughing and not sleeping for three days. I went to the doctor who mercifully gave me some codeine and I slept for 15 hours last night, which felt like heaven.

When Kevin got off work yesterday, he told me that he'd had a needle stick. I guess this is part of nursing; we had a whole class on it, but I still thought it only applied to other people. It's really scary. Luckily, the tests came back clean so far and we should be out of the woods by next week, but it shook me, knowing that someone I love might not be safe. Because he hadn't worried me enough this week, Kevin threw out his back at work today and the occupational health department at the hospital told him he couldn't go back to work until Tuesday. Hopefully he will be healed up by then. He's pretty miserable right now, even with the muscle relaxants.

In some good news, I'm finally feeling better, mostly due to sleep. I saw the doctor again today and he said I'm definitely on the mend. This is good seeing as how I still haven't unpacked our suitcases from Arizona. It's hard to believe I start back to school in two days. Do you think if I called the dean she'd extend Christmas break for another week or two?

Miguel and me in Missouri
Alexis and me in Arizona

Brayden and his daddy finally alseep after a rough afternoon filled with screaming.

Brayden feeding the dog.

Alexis smiling. This baby is always smiling. It's adorable!

Holidays

The holiday season ends for us officially tomorrow. There has been lots of visiting and presents and really yummy food. Christmas Day was spent with a couple of friends in New Haven while Kevin worked. We went on a walk and cooked ham and potatoes and asparagus. Later, I picked Kevin up from work and we spent a cozy evening opening presents and watching movies. I went to Missouri for a week before Christmas and now we're rounding out a week together in Arizona. We've seen lots of good friends and family and have had a really wonderful time. We rang in the new year among friends playing Bunco and then I spent new years day with a wicked case of food poisoning, which I will complain about in great detail to anyone who is willing to listen. Maybe my new year's resolution should be to share less.

Kevin and I had some joint new years resolutions which include going to them gym together twice a week and going on a date every week, which we will take turns planning. My personal resolution is to plan out my grocery shopping and cooking so my husband gets a good home cooked meal every night instead of whatever I happen to throw together, which is too often a frozen pizza.

When I get home I'll post pictures of my beautiful niece and nephews, who grew despite my specific instructions to stay little while I was away.

I am finally done with this semester at school! It was a little rough in the end, but I came out okay. The apartment didn't make out as well as I did. With Kevin off pouting about winter and me off pouting about finals, it's taken quite a hit. I did finally clean the bathroom yesterday (that was a gruesome affair) and I got the laundry done (Kevin needs clothes while I'm away) but I was too busy wrapping presents the rest of the day to do anymore. That's right - presents! One of the many preparations I've been making for my trip back to Missouri. I'm hoping to get a little more done around the house before I go, but I've still got to pack and I told my friend Chris I'd help him and his girl move into their new apartment this afternoon. Then tomorrow Kevin and I are celebrating Christmas since he'll be working on the actual day. Tomorrow afternoon we're having a holiday celebration with some people from school (which I have to make some apple cobbler for - one more thing on the list!). The apartment may just have to wait until I get back.

Snow!

We woke up this morning and everything outside was covered in snow. It was lovely. I made banana cinnamon pancakes and scrambled eggs and we spent the day inside, playing cards and keeping warm. We would watch people outside going to class and we were so glad we had the day off! By the afternoon, most of the snow had melted, so I convinced Kevin to take a walk with me outside. I missed my weekly hike for the first time all semester, and I had cabin fever. It was a little colder out than we were expecting. I think we made it one block before Kevin dragged me back to the apartment. I made him take a picture with me, and although the sun was shining and it was a really beautiful day, if you look at the photo above, you can see he's saying "I hate it here." He's not so much a fan of winter.

I had to leave clinical early yesterday because I wasn't feeling well, and I missed it completely today. Luckily, my preceptor is an incredibly understanding woman and encouraged me to get some rest and not to worry about making it up. Thank goodness. I've had a sore throat and chest pains for about three days and both keep getting worse, so I finally went into the doctor today, where I was diagnosed with a virus, which caused the sore throat and also caused costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects my ribs to my sternum. I looked it up onlineand found out it can be "exquisitely" painful and can last four to eight weeks. Awesome! My doctor failed to mention those two little facts. So cross your fingers for me that I make it through the next few weeks. So far, this has not been fun.

I never told anyone this, but I cried on my wedding day because he wasn't there to watch me walk down the asile. I don't remember him as much as I want to, but I think he would have liked Kevin.

I had a dream once that I saw him in Grandma Mary's backyard. He looked so healthy, so happy. I told him how much I missed him. He said he missed me too, that he missed all of us. He asked how we were. I looked back at the house and I could see everyone through the windows gathered around the table in the dining room, talking and playing cards. His picture was displayed prominently on the wall. "We're fine," I said. "We've been fine." I saw that he was looking at everyone, too. He watched for a moment and smiled at me. Then he was gone.

Sometimes I see his picture on my wall and I miss him so much. I always think of that dream. I know it wasn't real, but I cling to it because maybe... maybe it was.

Morals

Within 24 hours I had two conversations.

The first went like this:
"Can I tell you one of my poems?"
"No, that's ok."
"Hey, look, I'm no beggar, I just want to tell you a poem and then maybe you'll buy me some food."
We were right outside Starbucks, so I gestured towards it. "Look, I'll buy you something there, ok?"
She scoffed at me. "They don't sell food in there. They sell pastries in there."
"Pastries are food."
"No, they're not. I want Chinese food. If you can buy me a muffin, you can buy me Chinese."
And so I got into a discussion with a homeless women about what I would and wouldn't do for her. Afterwards I felt guilty and angry. Guilty because I didn't help her at all and I could have. Angry because I felt guilty. I still don't know what would have been the right thing to do. I wish I'd been kinder. If I could go back, I'd wipe the "you're crazy, lady" look off my face.

The second conversation went like this:
"Look, I'm really not feeling well. I get hot and cold and hot and cold. I'm drenched. I can't stop sweating. Could you get me another blanket?"
"Sure, no problem."
"I just feel so sick all the time. They won't let me eat anymore. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I'm going to quit my radiation. I'm just too tired to do this anymore."
I put my hand on her arm. "I don't know very much about your kind of cancer. Have you talked to your doctor? You should talk to him before you make this kind of decision."
She was shaking, but she was determined. "I don't need to talk to him. I've decided. I'm quitting."
"How about your family? Have you talked to them about this?"
"I don't have family. I don't have no one to help me. You gotta help me decide what to do. No one else will listen to me."
And so I got into a discussion with a sick woman about whether or not she should keep fighting. Afterwords, I felt lost and sad. I didn't know if she was looking for me to encourage her to keep up the fight or if she needed to hear someone say it was okay to give up. I said neither. I still don't know what would have been the right thing to say. I wish I'd stayed with her longer. If I could go back, I'd forget about charting for a while and hold her hand.

Holidays

This is some of us after Thanksgiving. Kevin said I did my mother shame because I didn't take a single picture all day - can you believe it?! I fully intended to, but time just flew by and the next thing I knew, everyone was putting their coats on, so I had to say, "Wait! If I don't take a picture this day never happened and I want to remember today!" Kevin is holding my very first pumpkin chiffon pie, which was not as good as Grandmom's, but was still pretty tasty.

I was very excited today to put up our very first Christmas tree. I know it's small, but isn't it pretty? Crooked, yes, but also pretty.

It's One of Those Days

There comes a point in everyone's life when you come to a crossroads, where you have the choice of jumping out of the moving truck you just hijacked and running for the hills or pushing down on the brake as hard as you can and praying it stops rolling through the parking lot. Or am I alone at that particular fork in the road?

Let me start at the beginning. I had a rough morning. Kevin missed the shuttle to work, so I had to wake up at 6:45 on my day off to drive him to the hospital. Since I was up early, I decided to dye my hair by myself, since it was too early to call anyone to come over. How hard could it be, anyway? Well, it was hard enough that I squirted the chemical dye directly in my right eye. I don't recommend doing this. It hurts really bad and since I couldn't see so I couldn't read the box about what to do if this happens. I started rinsing it out with cold water in a panic, and as soon as I could semi-see I read the box just well enough to see the words "could cause blindness," which were not very reassuring.

I'll make this short. My eye and I have recovered. It took a lot of rinsing and a lot of me sitting with my hand cupped over it so that no light got in. But I was all better by lunchtime. By that time, I was running late on all the errands I had to accomplish today. There were many of them. So I got dressed and went outside to find a huge moving truck that was occupying almost the whole parking lot and blocking my car in by a mere six inches or so. I waited for a few minutes, but no movers came. I became frustrated. I had errands to run! I was tired of waiting! I had narrowly escaped blindness! I was tired of CT people being so rude all the time! I saw a clipboard with pink papers on the dash and I thought "that probably has the company number! I will call and complain!" So I climbed up on the step to the driver's door (this was a big truck, I'm telling you!). I discovered that not only were the keys still in the ignition, but the door was unlocked. I hopped down from the stair. I couldn't just back up the truck! That would be wrong! I decided to sit and wait for the movers to come so they could move the stupid truck for me.

Well, I waited and waited and there were no movers. I was getting tired of this business. So I made a snap decision and impulsively climbed back up into the truck and got into the drivers seat. I started the rusty old engine and hoped it wouldn't fall apart while I drove it back a foot or two. I got it into reverse just fine, backed up a bit and turned it off. No problem! Good for me! I was climbing down when I realized the truck was rolling forward.

Frantically, I dashed back inside and slammed my foot on the brake just in time to keep it from hitting some cars. I started up the engine and reversed it again. I realized that the parking brake light was flashing. I did not know what that meant. It took all the strength of my leg to keep that brake down while I searched for the parking brake. I was banging around under the dash and a panel came off. I tried to push it back on but it was a no go. I shoved it under the driver's seat. This truck was falling apart with me inside! I finally found the parking brake, or more techincally, I found the part of the truck where the parking brake used to be.

This is where the crossroads come into play. I could run for it, let the truck do it's damage and be far, far away when it did. Or I could stay with it and pray to God that someone that knew something about trucks would arrive before my leg gave out even if it meant there was a definite possibility I was going to be held responsible for trying to drive someone else's moving truck. I stayed. It was the adult in me.

I had my cell phone in my pocket, so with my leg shaking from holding down the brake, I finally called the number on the pink sheet. My phone call went something like this: "Hello! I'm at (address) in your truck! The brake is broken! Can you contact the drivers?! IT WON'T STOP ROLLING!!! I NEED SOME HELP!!! THE TRUCK IS ROLLING AND IT'S REALLY BIG!!!" The woman on the other line quickly became just as panicked as I was! So much so that she tried to call the driver without switching the lines. I was trying to explain that it was still me on the line at that the turck! was! still! rolling! when I saw two men in moving t-shirts come around the corner. I have never been so relieved in my life. "They're here!"I cried into the phone and hung up. I leaned my head out the door. "I need your help!" I shouted. "The truck is rolling and I can't get it to stop!"

"Did you move the rock?" one of the men asked me.

"There's a rock?" I asked.

The moving man started laughing. "Course there's a rock! What else would keep the truck from moving! Climb down from there. Come on." He helped me down, laughing the whole time. "Where you from?" he asked. I told him Missouri. "Course you are," he said. "You won't find a Connecticut girl drivin' no truck!" He patted me on the back. "We've been telling them to get that parking brake fixed for weeks, but they just won't do it." He chuckled to himself. "Moved that big truck, you did. Well, I tell you what. Every time I deliver to here, I'm gonna think of you."

I smiled. I couldn't believe he wasn't angry with me. I apologized anyway. He just laughed it off. "Can you get your car out now?" he asked. I nodded. I apologized again, but he just laughed, so I got in my car and went about my errands.

It turned out that I made the right turn at my crossroads. I'll tell you one thing, though - I'll never climb into a strange moving truck again.

The Game

Showing our support - GO YALE!

A sea of Elies

Rushing the field (after they cleared out the streaker).

In short, it was an awesome game. For the first time in my life, I actually cared about football and was groaning and screaming with the rest of those crazy Yalies. There was much more cheering than anything else, seeing as how we dominated Harvard 34-13!

We were lucky enough to meet up with Kristin, who is from Boston and was nice enough to show us around and take us to Legal Seafood, which is said to have the best seafood in Boston. I can believe it - the food was amazing! The girls I went with were amazing too. All in all, it was a great day. GO YALE!!!

How I know I'm becoming a nurse:

1. I went out to lunch today with two other nursing students. One girl graphically described her patient's wound and I listened attentively while still enjoying my cake and tea.
2. I choked a little bit during dinner and after coughing for a while, my first words were "I think I aspirated on my soup!"

I thought you all might want to see how beautiful my niece has turned out to be. Isn't she precious? One more month until I get to tell her so in person!

They told us in the beginning that this would be difficult. I was prepared to study and read and research and study some more. In the midst of the semester, I’ve found that I don’t study very much, I don’t read at all, and I’ve hardly ever researched. This does not mean that the program is not difficult. Instead of the academic challenges I prepared myself for, I find myself wading through a river of emotional and social problems that I never saw coming.

I watched someone die. I was in the room when she stopped breathing, when her heart stopped, when her daughter sobbed and begged her to come back. I was not prepared.

I watched people criticize each other, the professors, themselves. I have been in the room as they tore apart lecturers, as they tore down a women dying of AIDS, as they met with the dean and tore apart the faculty she employed. I have heard cruel gossip, I have seen students undermine each other to get ahead, I have spoken words I wish I could take back. I was not prepared.

I felt stress like an anchor on my shoulders. I have lain down in bed and cried until I was too tired to cry anymore. I was not prepared.

They told us that this would be difficult. They tried to prepare us for the challenges that we were going to face. The truth is, you can’t be ready for the hits you take becoming a nurse. You face each day with what strength you can gather and you hope that maybe you can help someone, despite your vast inadequacy. You experience the best and worst of human nature in your fellow students. You are forced to take a long look at who you are and who you want to be.

I know that I will survive this program. I will learn the necessary skills I need to become a good nurse. I will learn how to work with all types of personalities. I hope that I become a better person because of all these things. I hope I come out stronger on the other side. I hope I come out prepared.
 

Sometimes, when school is really stressful, the best thing a husband can do is call a friend to come over, grab a pizza and a bottle of wine and drag you away from your books to take an evening off. I didn't realize how well this worked until last night when I couldn't stop giggling and realized that for the first time in weeks, I wasn't worried about school.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm in the middle of a hard core series of tests, which has occupied every free moment of my time. Thursday was my pharmacy test, which was harder than I expected. Thursday afternoon we had a little fall party at B's. We ate pigs in a blanket and drank fresh hot apple cider. It was a good way to unwind after that test. Thursday night, I went over L's apartment for a Grey's Amatomy party. It was the first Thursday night I didn't have clinicals and it was really great to watch that show with a bunch of nurses. I never realized how unrealistic that show is in regard to our profession. Nurses do EVERYTHING! Those doctors would never be prepping patients for surgery or administering meds or doing any of the things they do on the show! We were all very outraged, both at the writers and at Dr. McDreamy and Meredith. Just GET TOGETHER ALREADY. That plot line is dragging on a little long for me, personally.

Friday morning was the flu clinic. I learned how to do it while I was getting my shot and then I gave two shots. See one, do one, teach one! Both the girls I gave it to said they barely felt it, so maybe I'll do okay with this whole giving shots thing. Friday night, Kevin and I went to the symphony on campus. It was beautiful. It was an almost perfect evening until we came home and I started to feel the effects of my flu vaccine. I had aches and pains all night and then this morning I could barely move and had a low grade fever. A couple girls were coming over to hike, so I shot down a couple of aspirin and luckily was feeling much better by the time they arrived! It was a gorgeous day for hiking. Are you sick yet of hearing how beautiful the east coast is in the fall? I feel very redundant, but I can't help being in awe every time I hike out here. It just takes my breath away.

Now I'm home and fed and rested and I have to study for my biomed test. Emily showed me a really awesome site that lets you make study cards online (it's faster and it doesn't waste all that paper). It's the best way to study I've ever heard of. It really helped me out with pharm (well, I guess how much it helped me out is yet to be determined - cross your fingers for me that I passed!).

All of the things we've learned in my med-surg class are really coming alive in my second rotation. This morning, I went in to assess my patient. I hadn't looked at her chart before I gave her a bed bath and I was curious about why she was there. I recognized her symptoms and was able to look for particular things to figure out why she came to the hospital. I didn't even realize it until I was reviewing her chart and saw her diagnosis. I thought "Well, of course." Then I realized, "I did that on my own! I knew that by just looking at her!" The professors told us from the beginning that learning medicine was learning a whole different language. Today, I finally spoke my first words!

These minute victories help pull me through weeks like this one, which are so busy I want to jab out my eyeballs just so I never have to see a drug mechanism again.

It's been such a busy week! I can't believe it's already Saturday. I finished up my rotation at clinical on Thursday. It was a very emotional night, for many reasons. I won't miss the thirty minute drive down America's scariest interstate three times a week, but I will miss my preceptor - I think she's one of the best.

Last night, Kevin and I went to a party for his work. The theme was 80's. Do you like our colorful sweaters? I got them at the Salvation Army for three dollars a piece. Pretty snazzy, right? I also got myself matching gold and silver 80s shoes for two dollars. I was pretty happy with our costumes. The party was way more of a party than we anticipated. This guy from Kevin's work went all out - there was even a disco ball! It was a little loud for the two of us (we're already a boring old married couple) so we didn't stay too long. I think the birthday party we're going to tonight at a fondue restaurant downtown is much more our speed.

I have the afternoon free and clear to start studying for my pharmacy test next week. Wish me luck!

The gym at Yale is awesome. Kevin, Mary, and I had a nice little workout. Except for the one part where I was doing a leg press and blew out my knee. That part was not so nice. I'm really hoping with a couple of days rest, it will heal up. I have clinical rotations to do. I have to be able to use my legs!

Speaking of clinicals, we kind of sort of got our new assignments. Apparently, some people have schedules which they got at a review session that I didn't go to (actually, no one I've spoken to went), so I heard from someone that heard from someone else where my clinical site is. I've been told it's at Yale New Haven Hospital with someone named Heather and maybe on the tenth floor. Perhaps Tuesday and Wednesday mornings 7am - 1pm? It's all kind of unclear still, but at least I have a general idea - that's better than nothing!

I woke up on Sunday morning and was having breakfast with Kevin when he asked me if I would like to go for a drive and see the leaves. I said yes and so we got in the car and drove all the way to Vermont! Let me tell you, everything they say about the leaves there is true. They were gorgeous!! We drove up the interstate, stopped at a couple of little towns to look around and then ended up in Woodstock, VT, which has a place called Sugarbush Farm. This farm makes 14 different kinds of cheese (we tried them all) and four different kinds of syrup (we tried those too!). We had lunch in a restaurant that could have been lifted from the early 1920s and then looked around all the little shops in town. It was a lovely way to spend the day together.

Now it's back to work at school. This is our last week of clinical rotations at Bridgeport, though I still have no idea where I'm going to be stationed next week. Today, Kevin Mary and I are braving the gym for the first time (it's awful that we've been here so long and still haven't gone - it's definitely time!). Tomorrow, I'm having a guilty pleasure Hugh Grant movie night with Nicole, and then Wednesday, I'm going to a Halloween show with Kevin and two of the guys from my program and their girls. I'm excited about that (and I think it will be good for Kevin to meet some other future male nurses!). Thursday night is clinical and then Friday morning is hiking with a Halloween party later that night. It's looking to be such a busy week that I don't know where school's going to fit in - lucky for me we don't have any tests this week!

I've decided to take today off. I slept in until noon, and am now laying on my couch in my PJs with a tummy full of banana bread and a warm computer on my lap. It just doesn't get any better than this.

I saw a colonoscopy this morning, which was a nice way to start easing my horror of all things related to feces. I'm back at home now and should be studying for the test I have tomorrow, but instead I'm playing with my new computer, because seriously - isn't she pretty? I named her Betty.

I feel like I have nothing new to write. School is plugging along. I'm trying to stay motivated and focused. I feel like I'm still meeting new people in my program all the time. It's strange to me that we've been in this since August and I still don't know everyone's names. I went to two study groups yesterday, one serious and one not so serious. A small group of us have started a tradition of Saturday night study parties. The Saturday before a Med-Surg test, we all get together at B's house and pretend to study while we have dinner and drink wine and visit. It's a good thing.

This morning a couple of girls came over and met Kevin and me to go hiking. We hiked to the top of Sleeping Giant and saw the leaves. They aren't as pretty here as they are in Bridgeport, but it was still a beautiful day. I can't tell you how gorgeous New England is in the fall. The last weekend in October, Kevin and I want to take a little weekend trip to Vermont to do some hiking and see the leaves there - they're supposed to be incredible. I just hope they haven't all fallen by the time we get there!

Emily and me at the top. Before Nicole took this picture, I had no idea how small my neck was. Or maybe I didn't know how huge my face was. Either way, how in the world do I hold my head up?

Nicole at the top of the tower - too cute!

Update

I just thought the world should know that I gave my first subcutaneous injection. I wasn't that nervous, I didn't shake, and my patient didn't flinch. Success! I gave out meds for the first time and also did blood sugar testing. I can't believe how far I've come in just five weeks.

Everything and Nothing

The beginning of the week was lovely. I spent Monday afternoon hiking. Tuesday, I slept in before going to the beach with B. It was 75 out with full sun. West Haven beaches are just beautiful. After we soaked up the sun for a few hours we headed back downtown to get some gelato. While we were at Cafe Bottega, I spotted a good looking grilled vegetable sandwhich. I hadn't eaten most of the day or most of the week actually (been having some stomach troubles) and it looked so good I thought I'd go ahead and eat it. Well, it was not the last time I saw that sandwhich. We got reacquainted all last night and this morning. It was awful. I called the MD, who discontinued my antibiotic and put me on a bland diet. I was able to go to my clinical today and out with N after as planned, but I still feel very yucky. I do not want to go to class tomorrow and I most certainly do not want to go to clinical tomorrow night and start giving my shots. Coming into the situation already nauseated is not the best way to start SQ injections! Oh well, here's hoping everything goes the best that it can.

Sorry about the format - I don't know how to fix it

The last two days have been spent with lots more frolicking in the sun. 
 Instead of going to the art museum as planned, Jeff and I decided to 
take advantage of a gorgeous 
afternoon and go to the 
West Haven beach.  It was lovely.  The beach was beautiful and the
weather was perfect.  We sat in lawn chairs and read for a while before
 taking a nice long  walk up 
and down the shore.  Today, 
I went to all my classes and then went on a little East Rock excursion
 with a girl from school.  It 
was so perfect out!  We jogged to East Rock Park, and then hiked up
 to the top where we could sit 
in the grass and enjoy the afternoon.  

Days like these really make me wonder about Arizona.  Arizona 
doesn't have oceans or giant trees
 or gardens.  All the houses and landscapes look the same
because only a few things will 
grow there.  Kevin's been pretty homesick lately and is already pulling 
for us to go back to Tempe.
I know it's almost three years away, but the decision seems to be 
weighing in on us already.  He wants reassurance that we're moving
to Arizona when I graduate so that he has something to look forward
to when he misses  his home.  I don't know what I want.  I never
thought I would miss my family so much, but I just don't know if
Missouri is for me.  It's so far away from everything...  I wish there
were a third option, a place we could go that had seasons and beauty
and maybe an ocean... but family too.  I guess we'll just have to wait
and see what happens.  Maybe this will get easier with time.

 It's beautiful in New Haven.  The leaves are starting to turn, the air is cool and crisp, and the sun is out in full almost every day.  I've taken advantage of this gorgeous weather - I feel it's my duty to get all the sun I can before winter closes in.  Friday I went hiking with a friend from school.  He showed me all the ins and outs of East Rock Park, 
which is beautiful.  Yesterday, Kevin and I went for a picnic before spending the whole afternoon spread out on my big denim blanket at the park, soaking up the sun while he read and I did homework.  Last night we had another couple over for dinner and Apples to Apples.  Today I'm going to the art museum with our friend Jeff, which is something I've been wanting to do since we got here.  I've been trying to balance out fun things with study things, but it's been a rough couple of weeks at school and sometimes a girl just needs a break, you know?

In addition to all the going ons of Kevin and myself, I have some bad news and some good news.  The bad news is that my lovely laptop, which I've become very attached to over the last five years, is starting to poop out.  I know that it is old for a laptop, but I have loved it despite it's flaws.  Still, I cannot ignore it when it constantly freezes, or refuses to turn off, or otherwise stubbornly defies my commands.  So that brings me to the good news: my husband recently got a little bonus and decided to use it to buy his wife a new laptop.  He also decided to let me buy a Yale sweatshirt, something I need for fall.  Really!  I need it!  My laptop should arrive sometime in the next two weeks.  I'm so excited!  A laptop that has a battery that works, that can burn data CDs, that will turn off and on when I tell it to...  It will be wonderful, won't it?

I have never liked the idea of surgery.  It seems to me that your inside parts should stay inside you and should never be disturbed for any reason, ever.  So perhaps you can understand my
reluctance to do my observation day in the OR.  

I walked to the hospital instead of taking the shuttle, hoping to burn off some of my nervous energy.  I made it there in 30 minutes, so I must have walked quickly, though I don't remember doing so.  I stood at the desk while they looked for my assigned nurse and I silently hoped that she wouldn't be there and I could just go home.  After ten minutes, she arrived and gave me a piece of candy before taking me to the locker room.  I was given a pair of scrubs and a blue head cap to cover my hair.  As I changed into them, my pulse started to race.  We walked into the scrub room and I was given a mask to slip over my ears.  It was hard to breathe through.  I was told to sit in the corner and not to touch anything.  The nurse and the OR tech bustled around the operating room, making sure everything was sterile and arranged just so.

Thirty minutes later, the surgeon arrived.   Everyone starting working faster, making sure he had everything he needed.  I tried hard to shrink into the corner, tried not to get in the way, tried to be as unnoticeable as possible.  It didn't work.  I bumped into a sterile table.  The OR tech glared at me.  The surgeon looked right at me and said, "Who the hell are you?"  I think my heart stopped beating.  

"A student," I said, when I found my voice.

"Well, you'll never see in that corner," he said.  "Come over here."  
And he directed me to a spot right behind his shoulder, where I could see everything.  I closed my eyes for a moment and prayed desperately that I wouldn't be sick.  He explained everything to me - the anatomy, the procedure, every little thing he did with those tiny instruments.  I was so fascinated, I forgot how afraid I was.  The surgeon put me right at ease.  He told the nurse to turn on the music and Frank Sinatra floated into the room.  An hour later, a fourth year resident came in and started helping out with the surgery.  The attending sat back and started belting out Frank's songs at the top of his lungs.  I looked around to see if anyone else thought this was strange, but everyone just kept doing their jobs.  Eventually, he stood up and the resident took over for him.  He wandered around the room, singing loudly.  The tech took one of the overhead lights and used it as a spotlight on our surgeon/crooner as he continued to serenade us.  Every once in a while, he'd pause and tell the resident to do something differently, then he'd go right back to singing.  

It was the most surreal four hours of my life.

I took the apples we picked from Bishop's Orchard yesterday and attempted applesauce for the first time.  There are some things that I would do differently next time, but I think it's pretty good.  It was a lot easier to make than I anticipated, which made it more fun.  After my cooking adventure, a couple of girls came over to study biomed.  We made an honest attempt for a few hours, but it's just a hard subject to study.  It may be something that I 
just have to memorize on my own.  I have exactly three days to do that and my odds of success went way down last night when I inherited Kevin's head cold.  Now I'm all achy and snotty and tired.  Definitely not in the mood for studying.  Mary and I sat outside after class was out for over an hour, just soaking up sunshine and putting off school work.  It was a really nice way to spend a beautiful afternoon.  Now I've been home for another hour and have managed to do everything but crack open my biomed notes.  Kevin and I have decided to cancel our cable, in part to help out with my procrastination, but also because I think we'll both find better things to do without the tv around.  I'm really looking forward to not spending a whole afternoon being sucked into show after show.  I plan to get a lot more sewing and music and writing in.  And also, I guess, studying.

Mary, Nicole, and me at Bishop's Orchard.

Picking apples...
Delicious!

School has kept me very busy this week! I had two tests last week and another next week, and I'm still getting the hang of clinicals. It hasn't always been fun, but I'm passing my classes so far, so I would rate this week a raging success.

The best part was this weekend (I guess that's really no surprise). Friday night I spent with some lovely ladies at Rudy's celebrating the end of a very long week. Saturday, I got to go apple picking with three of my favorite people in New Haven. Later that night, Kevin and I had a nice dinner date with Mary and Skyler that turned into card playing which happened to be a great way to forget about school for a while. It was a wonderful day.

I wish I could write about my clinical experience here, but for many reasons (not the least of which is HIPPA), I can't. I can tell you that it was harder than I thought it would be but I am learning a lot. I am doing more with patients than I ever imagined so early. It's really amazing to see everything I learned in class working in front of my eyes. We ended up in ICU instead of the cardiac floor, so there were things that were hard to see, especially on people that were even younger than myself. I cried a little bit when I got home, but after a couple of long conversations with fellow students, I know I'll be okay. I still believe I was made for this profession, even though it will take some time to toughen up. I will tell you that though I did have to leave room and go sit down on two occasions, I didn't throw up once. It's the small victories, right?

We have a test tomorrow and another on Thursday and another next Monday. It's been a little stressful with studying and having to attend clinical. I went to one serious study group yesterday afternoon and I learned a lot. Later that evening, I attended another study group, which was more socializing than studying, but was just as productive. There were five of us there and we needed to eat pasta and drink a little wine and talk about what we've gone through and how we feel. Earlier that day, my anxiety level had been climbing and I didn't know how I was going to made it through this semester unmedicated. But last night was therapuetic. Bernadette said that we have to stop judging other people, but we also have to stop judging ourselves. That really hit home for me. I think all of us at Yale got here by pushing ourselves, by having higher standards for ourselves than for others. I am going to make a genuine effort to go easier on me, to love myself like I love these women.

Two Pictures

On my way to clinical. Eeek!

My new shoes. Aren't they pretty?

 Last night I dreamt that I was assigned to a patient who'd had a colostomy (long story short: you have a bag on your side where all your poop goes).  This guy was pooping like crazy - that bag was really filling up fast.  It was disgusting.  My preceptor came into the room and instructed me to change the bag.  I froze, my stomach turning.  The bag started overflowing.  Instead of helping my patient, I ran into the hall and threw up.

I start my clinical rotations tomorrow at a surgical unit in Bridgeport.  Here's hoping I don't throw up once.

Bits and Pieces

There's a lot going on right now.  I will try to stick to the interesting tidbits.

1. Yesterday when I was driving to school, I noticed there were cops everywhere.  A screeching cop car sped ahead of me and cut off the street I was driving up.  People were running away from the direction of the nursing school, dragging their children with them.  Ambulances and police were everywhere.  I thought it was strange, but I was already at school, so I just went to my study group.  When I drove home, there were cops standing on the street corners, and there was a police car and bike  (the police here use Harley Davidsons) in my parking lot.  Turns out there was a drug related double homicide one block from my nursing school, and the police were afraid more gang activity was going to happen in the shady areas of town (like my street).  I feel like I should be upset by this, but I'm pretty calm about it.  I guess acclimating to the volience is a part of adjusting to this new place, but I'm trying to continue to be viligant.   In deciding to come here, I never imagined this would be a factor in my daily routine.
2. There's a movie being shot in New Haven right now starring Uma Thurman and Pierce Brosnan.  While it's cool to see their trailers and racks of their clothes out in the street, the traffic jams on the way to work and school are definitely not cool at all.
3. I would probably be a nervous wreck right now if it weren't for my husband.  Who else would know to bring me hot tea and fried rice when I'm up late studying?  

Class Dynamics

Some of the most interesting conversations I've had this year have been about our class as a whole.  Some people feel a real sense of competition, some people feel intimidated, and some people feel right at home.  I am in the last group.  Maybe I've just met the right people, but it seems to me like this group of girls is one big support network.  We may not know everyone's names yet (there are 82 of us) but we still smile and say hello and ask about each other's days.  At the end of the week, we go out together and celebrate having made it through another four days of being stuffed with information.  We practice assessments on each other, study together, and call someone if we're feeling overwhelmed.  It's been a long time since I've felt this comfortable 
socially.  Most of the girls are at least a few years older than me and have  a real sense of who they are and what they want to do with their lives.  I think this has helped me relax and realize that I don't have to apologize for who I am.  I don't want to get too cheesy,  but it really is a blessing to be surrounded by this group of girls.

Guess what finally came in the mail? It was a long journey after being tragically lost by UPS (we just can't catch a break with these guys), but at last it was recovered and arrived at our door - Kevin's new computer! He got a monitor from the computer guy that moved out the weekend we moved in, so I guess it doesn't look like much, but he is very excited at it's arrival.

Things continue to move at a very quick pace for me. I feel like I'm just barely keeping up with everything that's going on, but that's how everyone feels, so I guess we're doing alright. I got my clinical assignment: I start on a surgical unit next Thursday. I have to drive down to Bridgeport, which isn't so great, but I think the floor will be interesting, and I get to work evenings, which is much slower paced than the day shift. It's nice because the first couple of weeks, I have evening shifts when Kevin works nights, so we'll both be gone during the evening and there together in the morning.

Tonight I went to a Haven Free Clinic meeting, which is a student run free clinic in Fair Haven. A lot of the GEPN girls are volunteering and I think it will be a great way to get a little experience with all aspects of healthcare (volunteers do everything from vitals to health education to social services). It's only four Saturdays a semester, so it won't overwhelm my free time.

I learn more about my fellow GEPNs every day and it seems like I'm always meeting someone new and interesting. It's nice to have someone to call when I'm freaking out about something, especially if it pertains to school. Tonight, I had dinner at Mary's before helping her out with her new sewing machine. Neither of us could figure it out on our own, but when we put our heads together, we finally got that silly bobbin threaded right! Bernadette has a sewing machine, too, so we've decided that the three of us need to have some sewing parties some time soon. We've also decided we need to have carmel apple parties and pizza parties, too. It's going to be a busy fall, especially if we actually get around to doing all the things we plan!

I couldn't resist posting this. Apparently, Flower and my mom tried to feed little Miguel pears yesterday and he did NOT care for them! It made me laugh so hard I thought it might make you guys smile too.

Weekend

Yesterday was another interesting day. I spent almost three hours at the doctor. I wasn't supposed to eat for twelve hours before my appointment, so I hadn't. They took blood both before and after the doctor saw me. I have no idea what they're going to do with all that blood, but Dr. Melchinger said my body would replace it over the weekend, so I'd be fine for school on Monday. The only trouble with that is I had class that afternoon, which I completely forgot about when I was talking to him.

I ate a bowl of cereal before I went to my anatomy lab. The group of thirty or so of us had six cadavers between us. I'd only been in a cadaver lab once before, but this was very different. For one thing, everything was done with the best techonology available. There was no smell. I've never been in any kind of dissection lab where there was no smell! So I don't know what got to me. Not eating all day? My 90/60 blood pressure? Standing up for an hour after losing all that blood? I felt fine until thirty minutes in. Then everything started getting fuzzy. I was embarassed to leave but I figured it would be even more embarassing to pass out in front of everyone, so I got out of there as quickly and quietly as I could. I found the student lounge and rested in a comfy chair for the last twenty minutes of class, but I still felt light headed when we left. A couple of the girls had decided to go out for a drink after class to celebrate finishing our first week of classes. Kevin and another girl's fiance met us at Temple Grill. It was fun, sitting outside and talking with everyone about everything from class to palm trees in the desert.

It was pretty late by the time we left and we still hadn't eaten, so Kevin took me to a nearby pizza place and I ate almost a whole small pizza by myself. I felt much better after that, and slept very soundly last night. This morning, I've been working on school work as much as I can because I'm already behind on reading. I promised myself I would catch up today. This afternoon we're going to our apartment complex's BBQ. Kevin's out grocery shopping getting the stuff to make baked macaroni and cheese to take with us. He's already been gone two hours, so I'm kind of nervous about how much food he's going to bring home! He was also getting stuff for his boy's day tomorrow. He invited a couple of the boyfriends of nursing students over to watch football. I promised to make nachos, and he wanted to buy some sodas or beer becuase all we have to drink at the house is water and juice (I guess that's not very manly).

I Can't Say It's Boring

Today started off with me being grumpy. I had to get up early, I didn't feel good, and Kevin was playing X-box at 6:30 in the morning. It seemed like a perfect excuse to yell at him. Twenty minutes later, karma came back with a ferocious bite and I nearly sliced off the end of my thumb in an attempt to cut my bagel in half. Kevin, who had stopped playing X-box and started making my lunch (totally voluntarily - I'm not that mean!), had to stop what he was doing so that he could stop my bleeding. Lucky for me I married a trauma nurse.

I had three lectures today that were two hours a piece. I was able to follow the introduction to pharmacology. From there on, I was lost. I felt like I was in a foriegn country where everybody speaks the language except for me. The professors are dynamic and helpful, but they don't spoon feed you - they dive right in! Luckily, during break I found out that all the other girls feel just like I do. It was a huge relief to me because I was starting to think that there was no way I was smart enough to go to school here. Twelve of us decided to be proactive: we formed a study group. We assigned each other sections of the material and we're each going to learn our section and then teach each other. Are we dorky? Probably. Will we graduate? YES.

I think I'm starting to get in the swing of things. Right now it's just getting up earlier, getting two people ready in the morning instead of one, and going to class. The classes are good, the classmates are better, and the homework so far has been minimal. I expect that last tidbit to change. In two weeks we start clinicals, which means I'll be assessing and diagnosing patients in less than fourteen days. Tomorrow we start learning how, which is exciting. I really feel like I chose the right program, and that feels good.