Kevin woke me up to tell me it had snowed several inches overnight. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining and the city had a calm blanket of white over it. I called the campus service for a private escort to school and spent the whole ride looking out the window, wondering at how lovely the city could look covered in snow.

The two finals I had today went okay. The one that I needed to do really well on went better than expected and the one I expected to do well on wasn't as easy as I had hoped. Overall, though, they went fine.

I'm back at home now, trying to study for my pharmocology final tomorrow, but my eyes keep drifting to the window, where it's started to snow again.

Dinner Party

Having the girls over last night turned out to be an ideal break from studying. Everyone brought their notes just in case we wanted to quiz each other, but that just didn't happen. There was a lot of eating, wine, and laughing.

I went to power vinyasa this morning, the most intense yoga class at the studio, and worked out a lot of stress about all the exams I have tomorrow. I'm still slightly terrified, but I feel better prepared to take on the studying. My friend Erin said it best, when I was worried about my last test grade in pathophys. She said to me, "Stephanie, even if you just scrape by, you will still graduate with a degree from Yale. That happens with a 98 or 75. No one's going to be requesting your transcipt when you're applying for jobs." It's still hard for me to remember that I don't have to be at the top of the class, I don't have to get a 94 or better on all my tests. I am trying to remind myself that it's okay to do my best and leave it at that. Although I am struggling, it's in a class full of fellow perfectionists who know exactly how I feel, and that is a blessing.

Boston!!

We had an amazing time in Boston. It was just the kind of relaxing retreat we needed. There was a mistake at the hotel when we first got there, so we got upgraded to a gorgeous suite. It was so fancy! They had champagne and chocolate covered strawberries delivered to our room and arranged for a horse and buggy ride around the city. We had a late dinner and spent hours talking after they took our plates away. We keep our heat pretty low at the apartment, so turning the heat way up in our room(s!) was a special treat. We were pampered and warm tucked in our hotel. With the last few months being so stressful, it was a wonderful way to reconnect and a great reminder that we are so lucky to have each other!

Kevin holding steady on the ice.

Trying to keep my balance - it was so slippery!

Boston!

Our horse and buggy ride - isn't the carriage beautiful?

My birthday present from Kevin - a book from my new favorite cook!

The ride home got a little snowy... luckily it only lasted a few minutes.

I feel very content. I don't know if I'm quite ready to dive into school, but I feel more prepared for the next two weeks, which are going to be pretty harsh. I just have to push through midterm/finals and then I get a two week break from school. Tonight, my studies will be rewarded with a girls night out for sushi. First, though, I have to drag myself away from the internet and hit the books. Back to reality...

Happy Valentine's Day!

It got nasty out last night. It's been snowing and sleeting all last night and it's supposed to continue all the way into tonight. Luckily, I have nowhere to be today, so I'm planning on staying tucked into my warm robe, drinking hot tea and watching movies with my husband. I was woken up at 7:45 to be given a Valentine's Day card, which I think I may have read before falling back alseep. Kevin's still sleeping since he got home at 7:30 from work. It's his last night shift until the end of March.

It's kind of romantic, looking at the snow piling up outside and fixing myself something warm to drink. I've studied a little bit this morning, but mostly I've just watched people head to class and been grateful I don't have to go out in the weather. I hope it clears up before this weekend (my Boston birthday trip)!

I had been down about spending the weekend alone with Kevin working, but it turned out to be sort of great. I had a nice girls night out on Saturday night - a long dinner with friends and then a late night move (Little Children - which was really good but also really disturbing). This morning, Mary and I went to Power Vinyasa and it kicked our butts. This particular form of yoga is not relaxing. It is a workout and it is intense! As we were winding down at the end of an hour and a half, the instructor told us that while we were so focused on our bodies, it made it impossible for us to worry about the minute details of our lives. And I realized she was right! I hadn't worried about anything. I didn't even have time to worry about the poses I was doing because the class was so fast paced. I don't know if that class will be something I'm capable of doing every week, but it will be a nice cardio workout if I feel I need one.

After yoga, we went for a nice brunch with friends and then we explored a local art gallery. Before I leave Connecticut, I'm going to buy a painting of campus. It's really beautiful at Yale and it would be a nice memento of the time I spent here.

I thought I should mention that clinical has continued to improve. It turns out first impressions aren't everything.

Also of note: I know everyone else has probably already seen it, but I just finished watching Little Miss Sunshine, which was possibly the best movie I've seen since Joe vs. the Volcano. Joe is still far and away the best because it's a movie you could watch with anyone (how many great movies are out there without curse words or a single sex scene? that have volcanos? and orange soda? man, I love that movie). But if you don't mind a little vulgarity or the truly disturbing world of child beauty pageants, then I recommend Sunshine.

Over the past few months, I've gotten used to having someone around all the time. One of the best things about being married is having someone to come home to. I love having someone to cook for, who raves about the food and then cleans up the kitchen after me. I love having someone to talk to in the evenings, to wrap up in an afgan with and watch the newest movie from Netflix. I love having someone kiss me goodnight before I fall asleep and kiss me good morning before I leave for the day.

Kevin working nights has thrown our whole schedule out the window. He leaves before dinner and comes home after I've gone for the day. I come home to an empty house and eat cereal for dinner. I go to bed freezing and wake up lonely. It just doesn't do much for my winter blues. It does make me appreciate what I have, though. We fight about everything from how I park the car (crooked, every time) to what he wears to dinner (pajamas - always pajamas), but even when we fight there's comfort in the fact that he's there. And he can always make me laugh, even if I've never been more angry in my life.

These weeks have been a little window of what my life would be like without him and I'm telling you: the outlook is bleak. I could live on my own, be fine on my own, but it would be hard to go back knowing what life with him was like. I know it's cheesy and probably gross (here's looking at you, Lisa), but he makes me a better person, a happier person, and I could not love him more.

My test went fine; I rewarded myself with a nice long yoga class and a nice long nap.

I attempted lasagna for the first time today. I used my mom's recipe and did everything it said, but it just didn't taste as good as hers. I think there's something about the fact that your mom or grandma cooked something that just makes it taste better.

Kevin and I are settling more into the routine of his working nights. By the time we finally get used to it, he'll be back on days!

I spent my evening last night with this guy. It was awesome. I have never laughed so hard in my life, or thought so hard about the world around me.

Update

Yoga was amazing. It relaxed muscles I didn't know were tensed. It relaxed muscles I didn't know I had. My intercostal muscles are actually sore today from all the deep breathing. I came home and thought, "This is where my shoulders are supposed to be. Maybe I should stop holding them up by my ears all the time." I felt great. I still feel great.

I have been to yoga classes before, but they were always the free ones offered by college students at the gym. This time, it was trained professionals leading the class. They put me right at ease. They adjusted my positions; they helped me balance when I was shaky in an unfamiliar pose. There were around twenty people in the studio, but I felt like I was the only one.

Today was the first day in a week that I didn't snap at Kevin when I got home. I went to clinical feeling calm and stayed calm, even when I had trouble with a patient. That class last night was worth every penny. I can't wait to go back.

The stress of school has been getting to me lately. It's been low, but constant, and it's starting to wear me down. Kevin and I drove by a little yoga studio tonight and it got me thinking that maybe this could be a solution. I started poking around online and I found a studio across town that I really like. It's a bit more than I wanted to spend, but Kevin and I talked about it and he thinks it would be good for me. It's taught by a woman who has her PhD from Yale in psychology, who has been teaching for 6 years, and who specializes in the physiologic responses to stress. It sounds like it might be exactly what I need. I'm going to go to the beginners class Wednesday evening. I feel better just thinking about it.

New Things

First of all, my books from Powell's in Portland arrived! They are about 100 years old an contain records of all the original letters and first hand documents of the Queens of England. They are fascinating! I've been flipping through them, though I haven't had time to give them the good read they deserve. Maybe over spring break.

I also got my hair cut and colored. This was before:

And this is after. I really like the color and the cut is so much easier to deal with than my longer hair. All the choppy layers which you can't see in the picture give it a lot more versatility. Now I wake up and when it's sticking out every which way, it looks like cute styled bedhead instead of ratty tangled bedhead. This is good considering my habit of waking up too late to shower in the morning.

Now that I wrote a whole paragraph about my hair, I'll write my habitual "I have a test next week so I'm meeting Mary to study" sentence. It must be boring to read, but that's my life. I go to class and clinical, study on the weekends, and have an occasional night out with my very sweet husband. Speaking of which, we bought tickets to see Lewis Black this Friday. I'm excited!!

I made it through my whole clinical today without hearing the word "unacceptable." This is marked improvement, which I am choosing to take as a very good sign. I may survive nursing school after all!

I've been puttering through this semester. I've got a bit of a cold and a bit of the winter blues, so I haven't been very social or very optimistic. My new psych rotation is interesting, and by that I mean I feel sinking dread in the pit my stomach when I think about going back there. It isn't the patients. They actually are interesting. It's that I made a very bad first impression on my preceptor and I feel as though I'm going to be spending the next six weeks trying to make up for it. I don't mind working hard as long as I pass. I've never had to worry before that I wouldn't pass.

The only thing that seems to cheer me up is baking. I just finished making an apple pie, and the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg are comforting. Now I just have to make myself a pot of tea and settle into my desk (the only space in the apartment that's clean) to study for a while.

Miguel Walks

I think I've shown this to everyone I know, but just in case I missed someone, you should watch this. My nephew is pretty awesome at walking. At least when there's chocolate involved.

NYC Trip

First of all, I have to ask the question, why is it always cloudy and rainy when Kevin and I go to NYC? It wasn't very cold yesterday, but it was very wet and grey out. Between the two of us, though, we still managed to have a pretty good day.

The Bodies Exhibit - the whole reason we came to New York this time. I thought it was worthwhile, Kevin was less impressed. Neither of us would go again, but I'm glad we went yesterday.

Trinity Church graveyard, with the American Stock Exchange in the background.

The Statue of Liberty! My first time seeing it.

There were these metal plates in a park by the ocean and each plate played a different note when you stepped on it. Kevin really got a kick out of it.

Pier 17 - I thought it was awesome how the boats were lined up right next to the city - so pretty!

All in all, it was a very good day. We ate New York pizza, had excellent baked goods, went to a huge used bookstore, saw parts of the city we hadn't seen before, and enjoyed what I thought was an interesting take on anatomy. By the end of the day, we were exhausted and stopped in a bar to have a beer and watch people go by. Well, I watched people. Kevin watched football.

This week has been very busy. It's difficult for me to return to school. My attention span isn't what it once was. Yesterday, instead of studying for the test I have next week, I ran several errands. One of the important things I did was getting our wedding portrait framed. I'm still not sure I love the frame, but Kevin likes it and it was 50% off at JoAnn's fabrics. I wanted a bigger frame and possibily a mat, but this one was pretty... I downloaded a kind of crooked picture of it. What do you think? Should I keep the frame?

The amazing discovery of yesterday was a wine store that carried the Frei Brothers pinot noir I've been looking for the last several months. I was so excited! Until I saw the price. It was twice what we normally spend on a bottle of wine, but I went ahead and bought it because I liked it so much and had been searching for it so long. Maybe it will taste even better knowing what it cost! I made a lot of other more boring purchases like work pants and a magazine rack, but I'll try to keep those to myself.

Kevin was assigned to work nights for three weeks next month. I am not looking foward to sleeping alone at night and being very quiet during the day and tolerating his mood when we both happen to be awake at the same time. The last time he was assigned to nights, Kevin was really grumpy - he just couldn't get used to it.

I am not having an easy time adjusting to being back at school. Paying attention for so many hours in a row is hard! Coming home to study is impossible. The good news is that our weekly hiking group is starting back up again next week. It's so good for me to get out there with good people and not do anything relating to nursing for a while.

Today was my first day of classes in the spring semester. Two out of the three I had today were the same as last semester. So instead of feeling new and fresh it just felt strange to have a psych class and not to have med-surg. Overall, however, it was a remarkably good day, especially considering it started with me running late in the rain. It was so nice to see people and catch up and hear about everyone's breaks. I also confirmed plans for a trip to NYC to see the Body Exhibit this Saturday. I've been wanting to see it for a while, and there's going to be a YSN tour guided by Linda, my med-surg professor who I enjoy very much and who is incredibly knowledgable about nursing. Kevin's going with me and although she doesn't know me very well, she loves Kevin, so she'll get a kick out of him being there.

In the meantime, I have other very exciting news. Maybe not to you, but certainly to me: we bought a vacuum. I did not realize how filthy our apartment was until I found myself digging a shard of glass out of my foot from a glass that Kevin broke over three weeks ago. Obviously our swiffer is not cutting it. Our new vacuum is so awesome. Look!

That's not all. Yesterday, Kevin and I went to the mall and American Eagle was having the best sale I've ever seen (I'm not exaggerating here, really. It was the best sale I've ever seen). I spent all my Christmas money from Arizona there and got some amazing stuff that I can wear for school/work. It was awesome! These really nice sweaters that are normally $60, were on sale for $20!! TWENTY!!! I bought one v-neck with blue and gray strips and one dark green cable sweater with pockets. They're both very pretty. And I got another shirt and a soft, fluffy robe that has a hood for when I get out of the shower (it was also normally priced 60 and on sale for 20). I used it this morning and it was awesome. I waited to get dressed until the last possible second so I could wear it for as long as possible, which probably had a lot to do with why I was so late this morning.

Sorry it took me so long to get pictures up, but I've been very busy throwing up and coughing and not sleeping for three days. I went to the doctor who mercifully gave me some codeine and I slept for 15 hours last night, which felt like heaven.

When Kevin got off work yesterday, he told me that he'd had a needle stick. I guess this is part of nursing; we had a whole class on it, but I still thought it only applied to other people. It's really scary. Luckily, the tests came back clean so far and we should be out of the woods by next week, but it shook me, knowing that someone I love might not be safe. Because he hadn't worried me enough this week, Kevin threw out his back at work today and the occupational health department at the hospital told him he couldn't go back to work until Tuesday. Hopefully he will be healed up by then. He's pretty miserable right now, even with the muscle relaxants.

In some good news, I'm finally feeling better, mostly due to sleep. I saw the doctor again today and he said I'm definitely on the mend. This is good seeing as how I still haven't unpacked our suitcases from Arizona. It's hard to believe I start back to school in two days. Do you think if I called the dean she'd extend Christmas break for another week or two?

Miguel and me in Missouri
Alexis and me in Arizona

Brayden and his daddy finally alseep after a rough afternoon filled with screaming.

Brayden feeding the dog.

Alexis smiling. This baby is always smiling. It's adorable!