It has been a little hard to concentrate on school now that I have a sweet little face to look at. I've had to allow myself little breaks every couple of hours to look at the pictures of my boy. He's been getting stronger every day, as evidenced by the vigorous kicks he loves to give me early in the morning. Kevin wants him to be an athlete and there' s no worries there because he's already using my bladder as a soccer ball.

We had a huge snowstorm yesterday and ended up with several inches of snow. Kevin has to work today, unfortunately, but I plan on staying right here at home until Monday. I've got loads of work to get ahead on and some very nice girls coming over later to visit and watch an old movie. No need for me to go out in this weather! It's beautiful outside with everything covered in white, but I can enjoy that sight very well from my window with a hot cup of tea.

Meet Jonah!!

He got the Blair nose!!!

It's a boy!!!

Profile shot

20 weeks

A reminder of what I looked like a month ago. See how much closer Darla was to my belly button?

I have fallen yet farther behind in clinical hours. The contracts were finally signed so I could return and within three hours of getting there, I had to leave again. I had this awful pain in my right side that kept getting worse and when I called my doctor from New Britain, he said to come in right away. I was just sure I had appendicitis and I was so scared. They checked me and the baby out pretty thoroughly and decided it was ligament pain. I'd heard ligament pain was annoying, but I didn't know it could hurt like that. After they told me what it was, I felt silly for panicking about something so common. I talked to my mother-in-law after I got home and she said my sister-in-law went to the ER when she first got ligament pain, so that made me feel a little better. At least I'm not the only one!

Even though we knew everything was fine after seeing the doctor, I was still a little shaken up. Kevin took me out for a very nice lunch to help me feel better. I wasn't sure it would work, but three courses of Italian food later, I was feeling pretty good! Our waitress even noticed I was pregnant and said something to me. She's the first person that's ever noticed enough to say something. I thought my belly seemed a lot bigger this morning, even compared to yesterday. I guess that would explain the ligament pain! We have our big ultrasound on Tuesday and we should find out if we're having a Natalie or a Jonah - I'll definitely update then.

I spent the day today seeing patients on my own. It was a little bit scary, having to trust my own judgment, but I had a nice safety net with my preceptor there ready to check orders and re-examine patients if I asked. It helped boost my self-confidence and gave me some reassurance that I'm in the right field. With some practice and experience, I think I could be really good at this, and that's a wonderful feeling.

I've been having anxiety dreams about babies lately. One night, I dreamt I had triplets except instead of just three, there were babies everywhere. Another night, I had just one baby and was doing pretty good until I took off the diaper and there was projectile poop that covered every surface in the room in an instant.

In other baby news, my hormones are getting a little out of hand. I teared up at the voting booth today just because I was so happy to see my candidate's name on the list.

I am not so crazy about this "in between" stage, where I look like I might be pregnant, or maybe I just ate too many Oreos over the holidays. Although I don't think Oreos would be this uncomfortable or this hard to bend around. At any rate, the baby is growing well. We got to see on ultrasound last week and we have a really cute kid! We also have a really modest kid, who kept the little legs crossed and the gender a mystery.

School continues to go well. I was able to waive out of one of my classes, which lightened up my coursework a little bit - always a nice feeling. I still really enjoy clinical, too and am starting to gain independence there and see patients on my own. The first time I went in alone, I surprised myself by not being nervous at all. I felt comfortable and I did the physical exam competently. It seems I chose the right profession! I still have so much to learn, but my assessment skills are really coming along and I choose to feel good about that instead of panicking about the vast amounts of diagnoses and drugs I've still never heard of. As of now, I have two wonderful preceptors who are really good at what they do. I'm doing my best to take full advantage of all of their knowledge during the 16 hours a week I spend with them.