I wish I could write about my clinical experience here, but for many reasons (not the least of which is HIPPA), I can't. I can tell you that it was harder than I thought it would be but I am learning a lot. I am doing more with patients than I ever imagined so early. It's really amazing to see everything I learned in class working in front of my eyes. We ended up in ICU instead of the cardiac floor, so there were things that were hard to see, especially on people that were even younger than myself. I cried a little bit when I got home, but after a couple of long conversations with fellow students, I know I'll be okay. I still believe I was made for this profession, even though it will take some time to toughen up. I will tell you that though I did have to leave room and go sit down on two occasions, I didn't throw up once. It's the small victories, right?

We have a test tomorrow and another on Thursday and another next Monday. It's been a little stressful with studying and having to attend clinical. I went to one serious study group yesterday afternoon and I learned a lot. Later that evening, I attended another study group, which was more socializing than studying, but was just as productive. There were five of us there and we needed to eat pasta and drink a little wine and talk about what we've gone through and how we feel. Earlier that day, my anxiety level had been climbing and I didn't know how I was going to made it through this semester unmedicated. But last night was therapuetic. Bernadette said that we have to stop judging other people, but we also have to stop judging ourselves. That really hit home for me. I think all of us at Yale got here by pushing ourselves, by having higher standards for ourselves than for others. I am going to make a genuine effort to go easier on me, to love myself like I love these women.

Two Pictures

On my way to clinical. Eeek!

My new shoes. Aren't they pretty?

 Last night I dreamt that I was assigned to a patient who'd had a colostomy (long story short: you have a bag on your side where all your poop goes).  This guy was pooping like crazy - that bag was really filling up fast.  It was disgusting.  My preceptor came into the room and instructed me to change the bag.  I froze, my stomach turning.  The bag started overflowing.  Instead of helping my patient, I ran into the hall and threw up.

I start my clinical rotations tomorrow at a surgical unit in Bridgeport.  Here's hoping I don't throw up once.

Bits and Pieces

There's a lot going on right now.  I will try to stick to the interesting tidbits.

1. Yesterday when I was driving to school, I noticed there were cops everywhere.  A screeching cop car sped ahead of me and cut off the street I was driving up.  People were running away from the direction of the nursing school, dragging their children with them.  Ambulances and police were everywhere.  I thought it was strange, but I was already at school, so I just went to my study group.  When I drove home, there were cops standing on the street corners, and there was a police car and bike  (the police here use Harley Davidsons) in my parking lot.  Turns out there was a drug related double homicide one block from my nursing school, and the police were afraid more gang activity was going to happen in the shady areas of town (like my street).  I feel like I should be upset by this, but I'm pretty calm about it.  I guess acclimating to the volience is a part of adjusting to this new place, but I'm trying to continue to be viligant.   In deciding to come here, I never imagined this would be a factor in my daily routine.
2. There's a movie being shot in New Haven right now starring Uma Thurman and Pierce Brosnan.  While it's cool to see their trailers and racks of their clothes out in the street, the traffic jams on the way to work and school are definitely not cool at all.
3. I would probably be a nervous wreck right now if it weren't for my husband.  Who else would know to bring me hot tea and fried rice when I'm up late studying?  

Class Dynamics

Some of the most interesting conversations I've had this year have been about our class as a whole.  Some people feel a real sense of competition, some people feel intimidated, and some people feel right at home.  I am in the last group.  Maybe I've just met the right people, but it seems to me like this group of girls is one big support network.  We may not know everyone's names yet (there are 82 of us) but we still smile and say hello and ask about each other's days.  At the end of the week, we go out together and celebrate having made it through another four days of being stuffed with information.  We practice assessments on each other, study together, and call someone if we're feeling overwhelmed.  It's been a long time since I've felt this comfortable 
socially.  Most of the girls are at least a few years older than me and have  a real sense of who they are and what they want to do with their lives.  I think this has helped me relax and realize that I don't have to apologize for who I am.  I don't want to get too cheesy,  but it really is a blessing to be surrounded by this group of girls.

Guess what finally came in the mail? It was a long journey after being tragically lost by UPS (we just can't catch a break with these guys), but at last it was recovered and arrived at our door - Kevin's new computer! He got a monitor from the computer guy that moved out the weekend we moved in, so I guess it doesn't look like much, but he is very excited at it's arrival.

Things continue to move at a very quick pace for me. I feel like I'm just barely keeping up with everything that's going on, but that's how everyone feels, so I guess we're doing alright. I got my clinical assignment: I start on a surgical unit next Thursday. I have to drive down to Bridgeport, which isn't so great, but I think the floor will be interesting, and I get to work evenings, which is much slower paced than the day shift. It's nice because the first couple of weeks, I have evening shifts when Kevin works nights, so we'll both be gone during the evening and there together in the morning.

Tonight I went to a Haven Free Clinic meeting, which is a student run free clinic in Fair Haven. A lot of the GEPN girls are volunteering and I think it will be a great way to get a little experience with all aspects of healthcare (volunteers do everything from vitals to health education to social services). It's only four Saturdays a semester, so it won't overwhelm my free time.

I learn more about my fellow GEPNs every day and it seems like I'm always meeting someone new and interesting. It's nice to have someone to call when I'm freaking out about something, especially if it pertains to school. Tonight, I had dinner at Mary's before helping her out with her new sewing machine. Neither of us could figure it out on our own, but when we put our heads together, we finally got that silly bobbin threaded right! Bernadette has a sewing machine, too, so we've decided that the three of us need to have some sewing parties some time soon. We've also decided we need to have carmel apple parties and pizza parties, too. It's going to be a busy fall, especially if we actually get around to doing all the things we plan!

I couldn't resist posting this. Apparently, Flower and my mom tried to feed little Miguel pears yesterday and he did NOT care for them! It made me laugh so hard I thought it might make you guys smile too.

Weekend

Yesterday was another interesting day. I spent almost three hours at the doctor. I wasn't supposed to eat for twelve hours before my appointment, so I hadn't. They took blood both before and after the doctor saw me. I have no idea what they're going to do with all that blood, but Dr. Melchinger said my body would replace it over the weekend, so I'd be fine for school on Monday. The only trouble with that is I had class that afternoon, which I completely forgot about when I was talking to him.

I ate a bowl of cereal before I went to my anatomy lab. The group of thirty or so of us had six cadavers between us. I'd only been in a cadaver lab once before, but this was very different. For one thing, everything was done with the best techonology available. There was no smell. I've never been in any kind of dissection lab where there was no smell! So I don't know what got to me. Not eating all day? My 90/60 blood pressure? Standing up for an hour after losing all that blood? I felt fine until thirty minutes in. Then everything started getting fuzzy. I was embarassed to leave but I figured it would be even more embarassing to pass out in front of everyone, so I got out of there as quickly and quietly as I could. I found the student lounge and rested in a comfy chair for the last twenty minutes of class, but I still felt light headed when we left. A couple of the girls had decided to go out for a drink after class to celebrate finishing our first week of classes. Kevin and another girl's fiance met us at Temple Grill. It was fun, sitting outside and talking with everyone about everything from class to palm trees in the desert.

It was pretty late by the time we left and we still hadn't eaten, so Kevin took me to a nearby pizza place and I ate almost a whole small pizza by myself. I felt much better after that, and slept very soundly last night. This morning, I've been working on school work as much as I can because I'm already behind on reading. I promised myself I would catch up today. This afternoon we're going to our apartment complex's BBQ. Kevin's out grocery shopping getting the stuff to make baked macaroni and cheese to take with us. He's already been gone two hours, so I'm kind of nervous about how much food he's going to bring home! He was also getting stuff for his boy's day tomorrow. He invited a couple of the boyfriends of nursing students over to watch football. I promised to make nachos, and he wanted to buy some sodas or beer becuase all we have to drink at the house is water and juice (I guess that's not very manly).

I Can't Say It's Boring

Today started off with me being grumpy. I had to get up early, I didn't feel good, and Kevin was playing X-box at 6:30 in the morning. It seemed like a perfect excuse to yell at him. Twenty minutes later, karma came back with a ferocious bite and I nearly sliced off the end of my thumb in an attempt to cut my bagel in half. Kevin, who had stopped playing X-box and started making my lunch (totally voluntarily - I'm not that mean!), had to stop what he was doing so that he could stop my bleeding. Lucky for me I married a trauma nurse.

I had three lectures today that were two hours a piece. I was able to follow the introduction to pharmacology. From there on, I was lost. I felt like I was in a foriegn country where everybody speaks the language except for me. The professors are dynamic and helpful, but they don't spoon feed you - they dive right in! Luckily, during break I found out that all the other girls feel just like I do. It was a huge relief to me because I was starting to think that there was no way I was smart enough to go to school here. Twelve of us decided to be proactive: we formed a study group. We assigned each other sections of the material and we're each going to learn our section and then teach each other. Are we dorky? Probably. Will we graduate? YES.

I think I'm starting to get in the swing of things. Right now it's just getting up earlier, getting two people ready in the morning instead of one, and going to class. The classes are good, the classmates are better, and the homework so far has been minimal. I expect that last tidbit to change. In two weeks we start clinicals, which means I'll be assessing and diagnosing patients in less than fourteen days. Tomorrow we start learning how, which is exciting. I really feel like I chose the right program, and that feels good.

Sleeping Giant

We woke up early for another hiking excursion this morning. On the way up, we met an older couple who is a part of the Appalacian Mountain Club and they were telling us all the good places to hike in the area. We went up to the top of the tower and got to see New Haven (way in the distance) and Long Island (even further in the distance). It was a really beautiful hike. Afterwards, we had to go to the homemade ice cream shop that the other couple told us about because I married a man who cannot say no to ice cream. It was pretty good, but not nearly as good as Ashley's, which we can get in New Haven.

It's pretty, isn't it? The hiking here is amazing. It's so beautiful and the weather is just perfect. How lucky am I to be married to a man who loves this as much as I do? He works nights for three weeks starting on the 10th, so we're trying to squeeze in what time we can between school and work before our schedules get really crazy.

East Rock

I still don't have much to say about school. It's overwhelming, but good. Classes start on Tuesday, but we already have enough homework to keep us busy over the weekend. Last night, a girl from my program, her boyfriend, and Jeff came with Kevin and me to Shakespeare in the Park. This time we saw Much Ado About Nothing. It was just as awesome as Robinhood.

Today, Kevin and I woke up and decided in celebration of our first day of health insurance coverage, we would go hiking. There's a nice hiking area about a mile from our apartment. We explored it, climbed to the top of the summit and got a great view of New Haven and the ocean, then on our way down got impossibly lost. At least it was a beautiful area. If you're going to get lost, you may as well enjoy your surroundings. We ended up hiking much longer than we had planned, but it was still an excellent way to spend our morning (and accidently part of our afternoon). To prove it, I'll post pictures: